atticous,
Literary: The Ruby and the Emerald
As a student, I have always searched for gems. Not because of their precious appearance, but because of the invaluable meanings associated with them. Whenever I find one, I believe they represent my journey to becoming a better version of myself.
Six years ago, I was given the chance to look for such stones in two top universities. The first one is known for its sapphires. I was dazzled by the shiny blue sparkles – the nobility of the pious priests, the dignity of the scholarly students, the elevated social class of the rich kids. Since I wanted to regain the honor and high status I once enjoyed in my previous school, I was convinced to pay the 10,000-peso fee, no matter how expensive it was.
But there was a sudden change in the plan. The day before I was about to pay the enrollment fee in that university, I received a letter from another one I have not heard of. I was invited to collect the rubies and emeralds in that university. But I found the gemstones duller than those in the school I first applied for. The fiery glare of the rubies horrified me – the rowdiness of the protesters, the alleged alliance with disgruntled rebels. The grass-like emeralds, on the other hand, were disgusting – the low social status of the students, plus the lack of civilization of the buildings. Nonetheless, the dean told me that I did not have to spend anything – not even a centavo.
I could not decide where to look for gemstones. I did not really like the latter university because I thought that the students had no class at all and complained about the mundane. But I also had to listen to my parents – they told me that the school I wanted would teach me that social inequality and materialism are acceptable. In the end, I gave in, albeit grudgingly.
It was my first year. I felt like a complete reject in my new school. Almost everyone there told me that I was so burgués. Almost everyone there did not approve of my elitist attitude – bragging about achievements and looking down on the poor. Almost everyone there told me to stop pretending to live a fantasy and become more aware of the social realities happening around.
I would not do those, I insisted.
Day by day, I would tell my parents that I wanted to stop searching for those rubies and emeralds. I ranted to them that going there was not a good choice, and that I would have been more socially accepted in the other wealthier university. I begged them to let me enroll in that place where I could be one with rich, snobbish intellectuals and flaunt my flair.
Give it a second chance. Try again, they replied.
So during my second year, I tried to open my mind. I tried to befriend people who do not normally click with me. Those who dress simply, keep their offensive thoughts to themselves, and spend their money allowance prudently. They might not emit a sapphire-like sophistication, but at least they are humble and down-to-earth. Like the green energy emanated by the emerald. Not bad.
I also tried to engage in discussions about pressing issues. Those who complain about the exploitation of labor, expose the expanding neocolonialism of the US, and worry for worsening apathy of the youth. I might not agree with all of them, but at least they are critical and champion social awareness. Like the fiery fervor of the ruby.
By the end of eighth grade, my parents asked me again if I would still continue until the end of high school. I told them my sudden enlightenments – that my new classmates still have manners and social awareness. Going here... is not really bad at all, I admitted.
That meant I would continue looking for the ruby and the emerald for the next four years. I have changed – I have become more humble and tolerant of the differences of others. I have also educated myself of various social commentaries. But those are not enough to find the two gems. In fact, I still have met a number of frustrations even today.
I have not yet found the emerald – the deep, harmonious connection I have yearned. To admit, I still come across as unwelcoming to a lot of people because I want to look dignified all the time. I have always thought that asserting myself and not tolerating nonsense would command respect to others. However, that intimidated them. That also prevented me from revealing my insecurities, finding common ground, and relating with them. As if I had to set aside my fixation on self-regard just to do so.
I have also not yet found the ruby – the burning spirit of the protesters. Honestly, I still have second thoughts about my school's tradition. I appreciate that student-protesters want to elicit a message – a message so powerful enough to alert the entire minds of the preoccupied. But most of the protests fail to initiate action from the masses. The message is just left there, but that does not translate to solving all the issues covered. As if I had to think that rallying is one-hundred percent effective just for me to join.
It has been six years since I started my search for the two gems in my school right now. But I am not giving up. I still have a few more months to make the most of my high school, confront my frustrations, and fully imbibe in the red-green spirit of my school. In that way, I will become what I aspire to be – a better version of myself.
0 comments: