Ang Aninag Online: midnightly

Showing posts with label midnightly. Show all posts

To you,

I’m sorry, but I have to go.

Thank you, I will forever be thankful for being a part of your life. Though I may just be seen as a single page in your book, you will always be a huge part of how I became the woman I am today. You were there for me. You watched me grow, you watched me laugh, you watched me get hurt, and you watched me get back up again.

Thank you because you always gave me a reason to pull myself away from bed every morning, especially when you know that I never enjoyed waking up early. Being with you at the break of day was always so peaceful; it’s refreshing to watch the blue sky meet the sun with you. And when the sunlight finally touches my skin, I am sure that this is my home.

Oh Saints, it will hurt me to part with you.

Remember when we were younger, you were the one who taught me how to share- the swingset, the chicken sandwich, and the SRA booklets. And because you were my only friend, you pushed me to do things that I’m not used to doing. I’m thankful, because of you, I made friendships that lasted until today.

I'm so grateful because you taught me how to properly add and subtract numbers; it really helped me a lot in understanding hard math after all these years. Though it’s still a challenge for me to do my advanced lessons, at least my parents worked with you to prevent me from flunking my trigonometry and geometry subjects. I’ll just take more time to understand them in the future.

You taught me how to laugh—at jokes, at people, and even at situations I can’t control. You just told me to laugh it away, and deal with it later. Thanks for teaching me when to laugh and when to make a stand and speak up about what’s not a laughable matter. Thank you for that. I learned patience in doing that.

You taught me to be socially aware; to immerse myself, to learn about different issues in our country so that I can help make the world a better place. You brought me to so many different places to learn about these issues firsthand. No one has ever taught me to make a decision on my own because I always followed what the majority wanted. So thank you for pushing me out there. I got physically hurt, I got hurtful words thrown at me for speaking up for what I believed in, but at least I got to inspire others to speak about their own beliefs too.

You also taught me how to love. Not just you, but others who touched my heart as well. And when you taught me how to love, you taught me to love hard. You said, “Loving is easy so why not give it to people who deserve it?” I followed your advice and it taught me how to receive pain too—and how to cope with it. When the world crumbled in front of me and how it crushed me into pieces, you motivated me to continue living my days and to not give up that easily. You taught me to fight the demons in my head every day. Thank you for making me strong.

And most importantly, you taught me that there is more to life than being with you. Yes, my years with you have been the greatest years of my life but thank you for teaching me how to let go. Thank you for teaching me that the best lessons ever learned are those from different people. I will always cherish you and never forget you.

I am forever grateful to share this moment with you but as the clock ticks, minutes pass and the sun slowly climbs higher and higher. The atmosphere gets filled with distant chatter and it’s almost 7 AM. It annoys me, but hey, it’s home.

Thanks for the 13 years, UPIS. Until we see again.

Love,
Me

I was always bullied
For being bad at Math.
Well, I never really studied,
Always took the easy path.

But when I entered high school,
Along with Algebra and Geometry, I couldn’t survive.
I couldn’t comprehend complex equations
Because I can’t do the basic solutions.

So I did my very best
To prepare for all my upcoming tests
I was tired of being left behind
Especially when almost everyone was unkind.

Nobody stood up to help me,
Because it was enough for them to be smart.
Success in their minds is constantly staying afloat
Without having to drown once in a while.

Being defeated didn’t stop me
Despite failing and failing after trying to study,
For success is not always being right
But also getting back up when you have lost the fight.

Ang kuwentong ito ay karugtong ng akdang pinamagatang “Sa Di Malamang Dahilan” na nailathala sa Ang Aninag Online.

Unang Bahagi: http://upismc.blogspot.com/2018/04/literary-sa-di-malamang-dahilan.html

Sampung taon ko nang alagang aso si Chic, isang itim at malaking Doberman-Rottweiler mix.

Araw-araw ko siyang nilalakad sa labas ng aming tahanan paggising ko sa umaga. Buwan-buwan ko siyang dinadala sa beterinaryo para ma-update ang kaniyang mga bakuna. Minsan nga ay sinasamahan mo pa ako kapag natataon sa Sabado ang aking mga appointment. Palagi mo rin akong sinasabihan na bumili ng mga laruan para sa kaniya kapag may nakita kang maganda sa internet dahil natutuwa tayong panoorin ang kaniyang malikot na buntot, nakalawit na dila, at nakatayong tainga. Mahal na mahal ko si Chic, at siguradong ikaw rin, kaya lagi kong ipinagdarasal na kasintindi ko ring magmahal o higit pa sana ang lahat ng mga pamilyang may alagang aso kagaya ko.

Dalawang taon kang naging parte ng buhay ni Chic.

Nalungkot ako noong sinabi mong kailangan mo muna ng oras mapag-isa. Ibig sabihin, hindi mo na ako maihahatid pauwi, kaya hindi mo na rin makakalaro si Chic. Hindi mo na rin kami masasamahan sa beterinaryo dahil may iba ka nang aatupagin. Nabawasan na ng atensyon si Chic.

Limang buwan ka niyang hinintay.

Gaano ko man kamahal si Chic, dumating din ang panahong umabot na ako ng Grado 11 kung kailan di ko na siya napaglalaanan ng oras dahil sa kaabalahan sa pag-aaral. Lalo na tuloy nabawasan ang nagmamahal sa kaniya. Ako na lang kasi ang nag-aaruga kay Chic, nagpapakain, nagpapaligo, at iba pa. Lagi kasing nasa trabaho ang aking mga magulang kaya iniatas nila sa akin ang responsibilidad. Buong akala ko’y malusog pa rin siya kahit hindi ko na siya nailalakad araw-araw o di kaya’y napapakain ng dog food na inireseta sa kaniya. Pero nagkamali ako—may problema na pala. Isang araw pag-uwi ko mula sa paaralan, di ko na nakita ang sumasalubong na nguso niyang nakalusot sa ilalim ng gate ng aming bahay.

Sampung minuto na pala ang ginugol ko kaiisip kay Chic.

Napagtanto kong maaari pala na siya ang dahilan kung bakit nangyayari sa akin ito ngayon.

Dalawang oras na ang lumipas mula nang nag-usap tayo.

Ako na lamang ang mag-isa sa PA Pavillion. Nararamdaman ko na ang pawis na tumutulo mula sa aking noo sa isang oras ng pag-iyak. Nakalimutan ko na ring iniwan ko ang aking dalang bag sa pasilyo sa unang palapag. Dumidilim na rin at tinatawag na ako ng guwardiya na lumipat sa Ramp.

Isang oras ang biyahe ko pauwi mula paaralan hanggang bahay.

Nang natapos ko na ang aking mga gawain sa paaralan, di ako makatulog. Iniisip ko pa rin ang mga salitang binitiwan mo: “Sa tingin ko, ikaw lang ang nakakaalam niyan.”

Hihintayin ba kita dahil umaasa akong malapit ka nang maging handa? Dahil nararamdaman kong hindi lang kaibigan ang pagtingin mo sa akin? Dahil kailangan kong respetuhin ang desisyon mong di muna makipagrelasyon? Dahil ikaw talaga ang mahal ko? Dahil mahal mo talaga ako? Dahil naniniwala ako sa tadhana at tayo talaga ang itinakda? Alam ko ba talaga ang dahilan?

Binalikan ko ang sagutan natin kanina. Kung hindi ba kita kinausap, magpapakahirap ba akong maghanap ng dahilan sa kung bakit kita kailangang hintayin? Magugulo ba ang isipan ko ngayon? Kung ilang segundo lang siguro tayo nahuli at may nauna sa atin sa booth ng karaoke sa Timezone, aaminin ko ba sa ‘yo ang tunay kong nararamdaman? Magugulo ba ang isipan ko ngayon? Kung hindi ba tayo nagtulungang mag-aral, hindi tayo matutuloy sa ating mga di inaasahang lakad? Magugulo ba ang isipan ko ngayon? Kung hindi mo ako nilapitan noong namatay si Chic, o hindi kita binigyan ng masyadong atensyon noon, magiging malapit na magkaibigan ba tayo ulit? Magugulo ba ang isipan ko ngayon? Kung isinama ko pa rin si Chic sa mga listahan ng priyoridad ko at binigyan ng oras ko, kakausapin mo ba ako ulit? Magugulo ba ang isipan ko ngayon? Aasa pa rin ba ako sa ’yo? Magkakaroon pa ba ako ng maraming tanong? Mamahalin pa ba kita muli?

Lumabas ako mula sa aking silid patungo sa asotea. Umupo ako sa isang kahoy na upuan at tumingin sa langit. Chic, bakit mo kami pinagtagpo ulit? May dahilan ba ang lahat ng ito? Paumanhin dahil hindi na kita nabigyan ng oras. Sana balang araw ay mahanap ko na rin ang dahilan.

Tatlong oras na akong nasa asotea.

Tumingin lang ulit ako sa mga bituin at palihim na humiling na mabigyan ng sagot ang aking mga tanong nang biglang tumunog ang aking telepono. Dali-dali akong pumasok at hinanap ito sa gitna ng gulo sa aking kama. Lagpas alas-onse na ng gabi, tatlong minuto na lamang bago maghatinggabi. May tumawag at nag-iwan ng text mula sa isang pangalan na kabisado na ng puso ko.

“Puwede ba tayong mag-usap bukas?”

Dalhin mo ako sa museo
Na puno ng mga estatwa’t litrato.
Kahit saan man ako tumingin,
Ang kuwarto’y puno ng mga sining.

Nais kong sana muling makapagpinta,
Pero sabi mo, ‘di ito magdadala ng pagkain sa mesa.
Kaya naman, nagsimula tayo ng sariling negosyo
At tuluyan ko nang tinalikuran ang aking talento.

Ngunit sana minsan, dalhin mo ako sa museo
Nang makita kong muli ang nilimot kong mundo.
Kung saan ka man mananatili,
Nandito lamang ako sa ’yong tabi.

Dinala mo na ako sa museo
Isang gabi kung kailan maraming tao.
Nang pinagmasdan ko ang unang litrato,
Bigla kang naglaho sa paningin ko.

Dinala mo na nga ako sa museo
Ngunit mukha mo naman ang hanap ko.
Di na napansin ang iba’t ibang mga obra
Dahil natagpuan kitang may tinitingnang iba.

Nang gabing iyon ako’y nagpinta
Sa isang blangkong puting papel ng pula.
Ang dating malinis at bago pa,
Ngayon ay nabahiran na.

Pula’y puno ng galit at katanungan
Dahil ang museong dati kong gustong puntahan
Ay naging isang mapait na alaala’t tagpuan
Para sa pagsibol ng isang samahang ‘di ko inaasahan.

Pula’y puno naman ng pagmamahal
Subalit tigib din sa kirot at pagdaramdam.
Sa gitna ng hapis, naging kanlungan ang dating pangarap
Na sa museo’y masisilayan, aking obrang pinaghirapan.

Dinala mo na rin siya sa museo
Na puno ng mga estatwa’t litrato.
Ang kanyang mga mata’t matatamis na ngiti
Ang paborito mong sining sa bawat sandali.

At minahal ko na muli
Ang isang pag-ibig na noo’y isinantabi
Ang sining na dati kong tinalikuran
Ngayon ay aking muling natagpuan.

Tatlong taon na ang lumipas matapos mo akong sabihan na hindi mo na ako mahal.

Alam mo, hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin alam ang dahilan kung bakit. Okey lang, tinanggap ko naman na at di na ako nangulit pa kasi alam kong naiinis ka kapag ginagawa ko iyon. Sa katunayan, sa lahat ng lalaking minahal ko, sa ’yo ako pinakanasaktan noong nawala ka. Ikaw kasi ang may pinakamalinis na intensyon sa akin at naramdaman ko na minahal talaga ako. Salamat.

Tatlong taon na tayong hindi nag-uusap.

Pero lahat ng iyon ay nagbago noong nabalitaan mong namatayan ako ng alagang aso. Minahal mo rin siya, si Chic. Tandang-tanda ko pa noon, kapag hinahatid mo ako pauwi, tumatawad ka pa sa ’kin na manatili pa saglit para lang laruin siya. Umaabot ang iyong ngiti sa iyong mga tainga kapag pinapayagan kitang makipaglaro kay Chic. Nagulat na lamang ako dahil isang araw, nilapitan mo ako. Biyernes nang hapon iyon, katatapos lang ng klase ko sa Computer Science, sa ikaapat na palapag, naabutan kitang naghihintay sa labas ng aming silid. May dala ka pang mga tsokolate. Noong nakita mo ako, agad mo akong niyakap. Di ka pa nagsasalita pero umiyak na ako.

“Narinig ko ‘yung tungkol kay Chic. Sorry, alam kong mahal na mahal mo siya. Ito, Kisses para di ka na malungkot,” sabi mo, sabay punas sa aking mga luha. “Halika, ilabas mo na lahat ‘yan para bukas, wala na.”

Iyon ang sandali kung kailan nagsimula tayong muli. Regular na tayong nag-uusap at magkaibigan na tayo ulit na parang wala tayong masakit na nakaraan. Pero bakit bigla ka na lang lumapit? Di ko alam at ayoko nang alamin. Nagpapasalamat na lamang ako na bumalik ka ulit sa buhay ko.

Anim na buwan na tayong nag-uusap.

Sa personal, sa text, at sa chat, di na naputol ang ating komunikasyon. Napapadalas na rin ang ating pag-aaral nang magkasama dahil mayroon tayong sariling forte sa mga sabjek, ikaw sa Araling Panlipunan at Science, samantalang ako naman sa English, Filipino, at Math. Natutunan nating turuan ang isa’t isa para makakuha tayo ng mas matataas na marka. Mayroon pa tayong usapan na kapag mas mataas ang GWA ng isa ay manlilibre ng lunch. Palagi namang nauuwi sa panonood ng sine at paglalaro sa Timezone ang usapan nating “manlilibre ng lunch.” Kadalasan, imbes na ang barkada mo ang iyong kasama, mas pinili mo pa ako. Ganoon na tayo naging magkalapit, pero bakit sa akin mo lang ginagawa? Bakit mo ako pinapasaya? Natural naman na yata kapag pinapasaya ka ng isang tao ay magkakagusto ka na sa kanya, kaya nagustuhan na kita, ulit.

Isang taon na tayong malapit na magkaibigan.

Patuloy ang study dates at mga di pinaplanong lakad nating dalawa. Patuloy nang nahuhulog ang puso ko sa isang lalaking dati ko nang minahal. Sa bawat saglit ng iyong pasimpleng pag-akbay, sa bawat saglit ng iyong pagtingin sa akin, hindi ko na napigilan ang aking damdamin.

Isang araw, nasa Timezone ulit tayo. Muli, isang di inaasahang lakwatsa. Inimbita mo akong kumanta ng karaoke.

“Tara! Habang walang nakasunod, pasok na tayo. Maririnig mo na rin ang boses kong basag pag kumanta!” sabi mo, sabay hinawakan ang aking kamay at hinila ito papunta sa karaoke machine.

Ako ang unang kumanta. Inilagay ko ang numero ng kantang paborito ko sa karaoke, ang Dahil Minahal Mo Ako, ni Sarah Geronimo.

“Sus, para kanino naman ‘yan?” biro mo sa akin, di pa tapos ang kanta.

“Magugulat ka ba kung para sa ’yo?” sagot ko.

“Loko! Kaibigan mo lang ako!” sabi mo nang may pag-aatubili.

“Kaibigan nga kita. Pero sa tingin mo ba, hindi ko nakikita kung gaano ka ka-sweet sa akin? Lahat ng ginagawa mong iyon, napapansin ko ‘no?” Naupo ako.

Binitawan mo ang hawak mong mikropono. Ilang segundong tumitig ka sa aking mga mata. Blangko ang iyong paningin at naging malabo ang mga bagay sa ating paligid. Di ko maipinta ang emosyon na nais mong iparating, hindi ka nakangiti, hindi ka nakasimangot, wala. Hindi kita maintindihan, hindi ko alam kung ano na ang tumatakbo sa iyong isipan. Inilagay mo ang iyong mga siko sa iyong mga hita at ang iyong mga kamay sa iyong magkabilang templo. Nagpakawala ka ng isang buntonghininga.

“Sorry. Di ko alam na masyado ka nang naa-attach ¬sa ‘kin at sa mga ginagawa ko. Di ko ine-expect na gusto mo pala ako, akala ko, malapit lang talaga tayong magkaibigan. Siguro, di ko talaga alam ang hangganan ng pagkakaibigan sa pagkakaíbigan,” sabi mo nang nakayuko ka pa rin.
Hindi kita kayang tingnan, tinitigan ko na lamang ang mikroponong nakalagay sa iyong tabi. Bakit kasi sa akin mo lang ginagawa? Sa akin ka lang malambing, sa akin ka lang nagkukuwento ng mga sikreto, sa akin ka lang nanlilibre, sa akin ka lang nanghihiram ng notes sa klase, sa akin ka lang nagsasabi ng mga corny na biro at sa akin ka lang lumalapit kapag may problema ka? Bakit? Bakit mo ako pinaasa tapos sasabihing hindi mo ako gusto? Pahingi ako ng dahilan para matahimik na rin ang puso ko.

Dalawang linggo na tayong walang komunikasyon.

Isang Martes nang hapon, nagkita ulit tayo. Inipon ko ang lakas ng aking loob at kinausap kita, tinanong ko ang lahat ng aking mga tanong. Bawat salitang lumabas mula sa aking bibig ay puno ng hinanakit at kawalan ng pag-asa. Bawat luhang pumatak mula sa aking mga mata ay puno ng kalituhan. Nanginginig, di ko alam kung anong aking gagawin.

Natulala ka, di mo alam kung saan ilalagay ang iyong mga kamay, kung sa akin ba o huwag na lang.

“Sorry. Di ko sinasadya ang mga nangyari,” sabi mo.

Lumakas ang agos ng aking mga luha, “Pero hindi mo kayang ibalik ang nararamdaman ko?”

“Hindi pa ako handa, noon ‘tsaka ngayon. Hindi ko pa kayang pumasok sa relasyon,” sabi mo nang paputol-putol. Iyon ang unang beses na nakita kong kumawala ang luha mula sa iyong mga mata. “Mahal kita, pero hindi pa ako handa.”

Sa ilang taon kong paghahanap ng sagot, ito na ‘yon, di ka pa handa.

“Maghihintay ako. Pero dapat bigyan mo ako ng dahilan kung bakit kailangan kitang hintayin,” sabi ko.

“Sa tingin ko, ikaw lang ang nakakaalam niyan,” sagot mo sa akin, sabay hinawakan mo ang aking kamay, pinunasan muli ang aking mga luha, at umalis.

Sampung minuto akong nakatitig sa kawalan.

Laging iingatan ang pag-ibig mo, dahil minahal mo ako.

At natapos ang kanta sa aking isipan.

Kaibigan

Karamay sa hirap at ginhawa,
Kasama sa lungkot at ligaya.
Sa oras ng kagipitan,
Laging handa sa anumang pangangailangan.

Umulan man o bumagyo,
Tiwala’y ‘di magbabago.
Oras ay di namamalayan,
Kapag siya ang nandiyan.

Mundo’y tuloy ang pag-ikot,
Anuman ang sigalot.
Maganda ang umaga,
Problema’y nawawala kung siya ang kasama.

Ka-ibigan

Ngunit ang panahon na inilaan sa isa’t isa’y

Akala ko’y namulaklak na nang matiwasay.

Aking napagtanto nang isang araw tayo’y nag-usap,

Oras na para tigilan ang aking pagpapanggap.

Sa una’y hirap pa akong makapaniwala,

Dahil takot ako na siya’y tuluyan nang mawawala.

‘Yun pala’y ang lihim na pagtingin sa isang kaibigan,

Ay nagtapos sa pagiging magkasintahan.

Mundo namin ay patuloy na umikot,

Ang aking pag-amin, di naging sigalot.

Wala nang problema sa bawat paggising sa umaga,

Dahil mahal din pala ako ng aking sinisinta.

Ever since we were inside our mothers’ wombs, our moms have already envisioned our friendship. That’s why as little babies, we were always together as playmates. Our favorite game was to play cook with little pots and pans, and Barbie dolls, complete with their shoes and bags. Ever since we were little, we were already inseparable.

Growing up together was pretty easy too, since we went to the same school. In kindergarten, during recess, we enjoyed braiding each other’s hair and sometimes even raced to the pink swing beside the mango tree because that was the only swing in the whole playground that didn’t squeak. In elementary, we often exchanged our lunches because you didn’t like yours. During free periods, we always went to the library so that I could hear you talk about the boys you liked. We were young little rebels, teachers said. We were partners in crime. In high school, we always talked until 2 in the morning, helping each other with our homework and projects or gossip about the usual high school drama.

But this year, our last year in high school, we became distant. Not the same inseparable partners in crime anymore. But now that you have a boyfriend, I often get pushed to the side. At times when we get together, you only talk about him. How he’s so hot and dreamy. How he always takes you out on fancy dates. How he always makes your mother smile. How he buys you unexpected gifts. How he never forgets special occasions. And how he’s the perfect guy for you. It’s like you found someone to replace me. But whatever happens, I’m still here for you. Because of the time you spend with him, I have one last secret left unsaid.

I’m scared. I don’t know if this is the right time and situation to tell you this.

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell ro-

Jingle Bell Rock was an inside joke of ours, that’s why I use it as my ring tone. No surprise, you’re calling me again.

“I’m tired, he took me to go rock clim- ” you said.

“Can we meet? Jollibee. Right now.” I cut you off.

“It’s like 11 in the evening,” you whined.

“It’s only 6:00PM. Don’t be so overdramatic! Bye!”

I ended the call and headed to Jollibee right away. Maybe this is the right time.

I ordered your favorite, Jolly Spaghetti with Chicken Joy and large fries, one each for the both of us. I headed to the green table in the corner and 15 minutes later, you arrived and sat across me.

Without any hellos, you sat down, began to eat, and talked about your day and how tired you were because you and your boyfriend went rock climbing. I really wanted to cut you off but I’ve never seen you this happy before. Your eyes were glowing, your dimples were showing, your cheeks were rosy, you were so beautiful. I miss being with you all the time. I miss these moments when we would just eat at Jollibee and talk. I miss you.

“Now, when are you going to look for a boyfriend?” you asked, smiling.

“That’s not important and I really don’t want a boyfriend,” I answered with my head down.

“That’s just ridiculous. You have got to be kidding me. I know someone. I can give him your number if you want. He’s very tall, a volleyball player, likes dogs, has a Golden Retriever, and oh, he also likes Spongecola and Silent Sanctuary just like you! Most importantly, he’s very, very single at the moment,” you teased.

I didn’t answer. I didn’t know what to say.

“Are you okay?” you sounded concerned, “Why did you ask me to come here in the first place?”

“I have something important to say.”

“What is it? You know you can tell me everything, just like old times.”

“I… I like…” I looked away and took a deep breath.

“What?” you nudged me.

“I just miss you.”

You stood up, sat beside me, gave me a big hug and said, “Even though we’re not always together, I will always be your best friend, your partner in crime. Remember that. Okay?”

I looked at you and smiled. Seeing you this happy and contented in life made me bite my tongue. We talked all night and went home at midnight. Maybe some secrets are better left unsaid.

I got home. I took a bath, changed my clothes, and sat on the corner of my bed. I was staring at a picture of us when we were 14, placed on the top of my dresser. We were looking at each other, holding an ice cream bar. That was the moment I knew I liked you.

I checked my phone and it was already 2:14AM. I decided to send you a text.

I like you. That’s what I was supposed to say.

Sa isang rosas nagsimula ang ating kuwento
Tuwang-tuwa ka pa noong ibinigay mo ito
“Wala na akong ibang hahanapin,” ika’y nangako,
“Ikaw lang ang mamahalin at pasasayahin ko.”

Sa pula’t pihikan na talulot, ako’y nabighani
Inilagay sa plorera, nangakong aalagaan nang mabuti
Araw-araw pinagmamasdan, bigay ng pinakatinatangi
Hanggang sa tuluyan nang naakit sa marikit na palamuti.

Naubos ang oras sa kababantay,
Pinipilit pang mamulaklak, bakit pa ba naghintay?
Ako’y nagalit, kahit rosas ay walang kasalanan
Matapos makapagmuni-muni, ito’y agad nang kinalimutan.

Itong nag-iisang rosas ay binawi mo,
Kinabukasan ay hinandugan mo ulit ako ng bago
“Alagaan nang mabuti, kahit anong mangyari,
‘Di malalanta ang pag-ibig ko sa ’yo, binibini.”

Itong bagong rosas, akin nang iningatan
Niyakap nang mahigpit, ‘di na ulit pinakawalan.
Kahit ang tangkay nito’y matinik, ‘di ko mabitawan,
Sino ba’ng makatatanggi sa taglay nitong kagandahan?

Dahil sa pagkakayakap na mahigpit,
Bulaklak ay nasakal, hindi na kumapit
Muling naluoy, nawalan na ng kulay,
Oras na inilaan ay wala nang saysay.

Itong pangalawang rosas ay muli mong binawi
Ngunit sa pangalawang pagkakataon, ‘di mo na isinauli.
Iyong mga kataga ay tuluyan nang nalanta,
Ang ating pag-ibig, ‘di na magbubunga pa.

Bakit kapag pilit na inaaruga ay nasisira,
At hindi na kayang buhayin pa?
Bakit ang dating ating nararamdaman,
Ay hindi na maaaring maibalik sa nakaraan?

Ako pa rin ba ang nagpapatibok sa ’yong puso?
Kaya pa bang tiisin kung ikaw pa rin ang mahal ko?
Ako lang ba ang nag-iisang rosas mo?
O iba na ang bulaklak na iyong gusto?

Beauty is the sight of the sunset nobody can ignore,
The sound of the waves hitting the seashore,
The smell of newly baked cupcakes, freshly done,
And sometimes, the laughs of children having fun.

But it is also the darkness after the sun has set,
Feet covered in sand after it has been wet,
Serving platter that has been left all crumbly,
And silence shattered in a peaceful room.

The perception of beauty, no one can influence.
No rules, no guidelines, we all have our preferences.
It is only a label for appreciation and enjoyment,
The only source is our personal judgment.

But how are we sure that what we feel, hear or see,
Is an absolute and perfect example of beauty?
If beauty is really in the eye of the beholder,
Then how can one argue what’s more beautiful than the other?

Is it essential to distinguish one’s beauty from another?
Or if everyone would agree, would it be better,
To create a universal standard of beauty,
Even if that would make us lose our individuality?

When the truth is hard to believe,
There’s a book you can read,
An article you can retrieve,
Or a person you can seek.

Which talks about Beyoncé and Jay-z,
As leaders of the Illuminati.
Extraterrestrials who roam around,
Capturing those who are safe and sound.

Talks about how cloning exists,
The frightening rise of ISIS,
The ever-growing Mandela Effect,
And hybrid humans and insects.

Taylor Swift’s the queen of lizards,
Around a bunch of hunky bodyguards.
The moon landing was also deemed fake,
And people shape-shift into snakes.

Conspiracy theories,
Are just beliefs,
Only made up,
To mask and cover reality.

These helped me believe,
That the love we had was not real.
I was blinded with your guaranteed security,
Without any sign of certainty.

The Man Behind My Stories

Starting a story is always difficult,
Because we all want a story that’s not typical.
Notepads, papers, pens, and pencils,
Imagining is always a thrill.

In the midst of the darkness, I’m struggling,
My thoughts just wouldn’t come to writing.
Desperate for meaningful content,
I begin to write absolute nonsense.

I go to you when I have nothing to write,
You fuel my thoughts and everything becomes bright.
You give me happiness from daylight,
And you keep me inspired until midnight,

Writer’s block is never good news,
When I encounter this, there’s nothing I can do.
You’re the savior of my unfinished masterpiece,
You make me write with flow and ease.

My craft had color because of you,
Now that one’s done, I’m ready to start anew.
I just wish someday you will notice,
That you’re the man behind my stories.

The Woman Who Gives Me Hope

Having faith in life seems so grueling

Especially when you can’t hold on to anything

It’s me against the world

That’s how it’s always been

Darkness has already become my sanctuary

People begin to doubt my sanity

The numbers game is catching up to me

I no longer have faith in humanity

Yet you are the one exception

You seem to get my state of oblivion

You show me the radiance of the rising sun

You seem to hinder me from falling into the abyss

Reading your stories washes away my fears

It always seems to wipe away my tears

It helps me escape from the sound of madness

It makes me withstand the blows of sadness

My life had sense because of you

Now it’s time to let you know

That you, along with the stories you wrote,

Are the one who gives me hope

The love I have found
Has a strange sound.
It’s a love that seems frightening,
A love that’s never ending.

Charming eyes, luscious hair,
Your fragrant scent everywhere.
Like a tulip in a field of roses,
You’re all that I see amidst of all these faces.

For this Valentine’s, you’re my date,
We could walk in the park or just stay up late.
Hugging, kissing, and cuddling,
I cannot express the happiness that I’m feeling.

Excited as you are, I take you out,
Your tongue hanging from your mouth.
Even if I don’t have a human date,
Being alone with my dog has never felt this great.

Welcome to our crazy love affair,
The best beyond compare.
Me and man’s best friend,
A love I hope would never end.

Staking the layers in sets of three,

I find the right scheme,

To make it stand without falling.

Just like how I try to put a strong stance,

Despite the detestation to myself that I have within.

Pulling out the blocks one by one,

I get that bizarre feeling in my gut,

That anxiety of when the tower is going to collapse.

Just like the butterflies in my stomach,

When I can sense the moment of my failure.

Putting the block back on top,

Careful as I can be, I make my hand as light as possible,

So that the flimsy tower would not crumble.

Just like how I try to hide from the spotlight,

So that I wouldn’t have to speak up or maybe get into a fight.

Watching others do better than me,

Thinking that I’ve pulled the wrong block,

And I’ve made the game easier for them.

Just like how I always think something is wrong with me,

And how I think that other people live their life with ease.

Waiting for my turn,

I wonder how long could I keep on playing

Before the tower crumbles.

Just like how I think of how long I am going to last,

Before I eventually fall.

Hiniling kong maging bahagi ng iyong buhay,
ngunit sa akin, di mo naibigay.
Ako’y nanatili bilang isang anino –
binabalewala mo lamang, wala kang kamalay-malay,
palaging nakabuntot, at sa tabi mo’y hindi nawalay.

Hiniling kong ako’y iyong ibigin,
ngunit alam ko, hindi ka mapapasaakin.
Sapagkat lagi kong nasasaksihan,
tuwing kinakain ka ng dilim,
akong anino’y napapawi, tila ba tinangay ng hangin.

Hiniling kong malimutan ka na,
habang ako'y hindi mo nakikita,
gusto kong malaman mo na nais kong kumawala.
Ngunit nahanap mo muli ang tanglaw,
sa gitna ng dilim, natagpuan ko, aking kaagaw.

Hiniling kong mapalayo na sa iyo
ngunit hindi makahiwalay, kahit anong pilit ko.
Noong ang ilaw, iyong natagpuan,
akong anino'y hindi makayang bumukod,
wala na akong magagawa kundi sumunod.

Hiniling kong lumingon ka,
tumalikod ka sa iyong tanglaw,
nandito lang ako sa bawat mong galaw.
Di ba ang lapit lang natin, pero di mo ako tanaw,
maaari bang minsan, ako’y iyong maaninaw?

Hinihiling kong sa karimlan na lang ako,
sapagkat dito lang ako naglalaho.
Hinihiling ko rin, tuluyan na tayong magkalayo,
dahil marami pang ilaw ang iyong maaaring makatagpo,
at may iba pang anino na susunod sa iyo.

At hindi mo na ako magiging anino.

Like the weather man said in the news,

“There will be a huge storm; we must find refuge.

This one's strong - something you have never felt before,

Just pray for your safety and prepare some more."

I heard the strong rain against the window pane,

I glanced outside—the cars occupied only one lane.

I think I'm ready for this upcoming weather,

I'm going to be fine as long as I have shelter.

This weather reminds me a lot about you,

How you came into my life and started anew,

Or how you told me to be strong in every occasion,

Or how you left me with this difficult decision—

"I came into your life to give us that 'spark',

But whatever I do, you push “us” apart.

I'm trying to be the savior of your broken heart,

But what do you want me to do with our useless piece of art?"

As the rain kept pouring,

I realized something—

You're not different from this weather;

You are, like it, an unexpected disaster.

Literary: the break up

Literary: My Success

Literary: Ikaw Pa Rin Ba

Literary: Ang Natagpuan Ko sa Museo

Literary: Sa Di Malamang Dahilan

Literary (Submission): Kaibigan x Ka-ibigan

Literary: Secrets Left Unsaid

Literary: Rosas

Literary: The Philosophy of Beauty

Literary: Conspiracies

Literary: The Man Behind My Stories x The Woman Who Gives Me Hope

Literary (Submission): My Valentine

Literary: Jenga

Literary: Anino

Literary (Submission): Weather I Wanted It Or Not

Welcome

Featured Post

Going online in 3... 2...

Blog Archive