Showing posts with label disquietude. Show all posts

Literary: If


Sometimes when you’ve fallen asleep I look at you and wonder,

 “Will he ever get tired of loving me?”

 I think of all the times you held my hand as we crossed the street. All the times you held a door open for me, and all the nights you’d call just to scold me for skipping a meal or going home way too late. I remember every moment and wonder if you’d ever stop.

 I counted all the shirts you left at my house. And idly smile at the thought of you slowly moving in. Then I remembered you are already occupying my life. But what if one day, you wake up and decide to return the keys?

 I recall all the times you surprise me with my favorite food whenever I get upset. All the days you give me exactly what I’ve been looking for without me even asking. It’s amazing how you took time to listen and remember all the little things about me. Sometimes I wonder if you know me better than I know myself. I think about those as I dismiss the unwelcome thought of you busy trying to know someone else.

 I remember that one rainy night, I was so mad at you. You danced in the middle of the street, surrounded by so many people, just because you know it cracks me up. What if you realize that was the last stupid act you’d do for me? What if that was the last thing you’d ever do for me?

 Every day I ask myself what I did to deserve this kind of love. But darling, if you ever get tired, remember this:
I will pour my entire being into you, my love. I will give you all my breaths until I no longer have the strength to carry my own heart.

Literary: Only Me x Only You



I wish you didn’t know so many girls. I wish I met you before anyone else did. That mine was the first hand you ever held. And yours was the first to ever hold mine.

 I was afraid you’d soon fall back in love with someone in your past. The past I barely know anything about. The past that doesn’t contain even a fragment of my being. Maybe someone from there is a lot better than I am. Maybe I am just a mistake you secretly want to erase.

 The thought haunts me more than it should, keeping me restless at night. Creating scenarios I am desperately hoping not to come alive. Maybe I just don’t want to lose you.

 It was hard competing with ghost lovers from the past. But you told me I need not to. Because I am your present and your future. You chose me today and will continue to choose me everyday until all the stars fall down.

 And all the hands you held.
And all the hearts you took.
They mean nothing to me now.

 For your heart beats for me and only me.

-----

I may have known many girls whose hands held mine before I ever held yours. And though I may have been glad when I held them, I now realize how much I have been missing out on.

I’ve fallen in love so many times in the past. You’ve probably never heard of the stories of those I loved before you. But what would it matter if none of them could ever compare to you?

And during those times I find myself thinking about what could have been, who I could’ve ended up with, I only need to look beside me and remind myself of what a wonderful person I have in my life.

You need not worry. I crush “what if?” questions that cross my mind. I know you have doubts. But I’m telling you not to. For I may not have loved you yesterday, but I love you today, and I will love you for all of my tomorrows.

And all the hands I once held.
And all the hearts I may have broken.
They should not matter at all to you.

For my heart beats for you and only you.

Literary: To my First Valentine


Almost a year ago, we were unexpectedly in the same room filled with bustling people, breathing the same stale air, happily ignoring each other—or at least I was pretty sure I was ignoring you.

Soon after, we were almost alone. Talking about practically anything, with you making me laugh for the first time.

Coincidentally, we were going to the same place that night. I was planning to come alone but you asked if I could come with you instead and I think a said yes.

---

I was impatiently waiting for my favorite band to play but instead I found you waiting beside me, with that lofty grin on your face—the one I can never seem to get enough of. I think I smiled back.

We were together the entire night, trying out menacing rides, stuffing ourselves with crappy food, and playing silly games. Half the time, I swear I was just ignoring you. But you never left my side. 

Right now, we are standing on the same street filled with bustling people we don’t care about, breathing in the sweetness of the same air, happily digging our eyes into each other—and I am pretty sure you’re the only person I ever want to look at.

For the rest of my life.

Literary: Lucid



As I lay down my tired and forgotten soul
I felt temporary serenity on the damp sand
Underneath my heart

I just laid there with my eyes tightly shut
Hearing the waves repeatedly crash to the shore
Remembering how someone repeatedly broke my heart

Right then and there I vowed
Never to love again
For with unrequited love, the heart just gets broken

On a rainy day you came along
And without a word you picked up the pieces
Like fragments of stranded seashells

You’d often send messages in bottles
Making me feel all the beautiful things
I never knew existed

I felt that I’d never get tired
Of writing your name
On every island I get my feet on

With you I learned to wander across the ocean again
And that sometimes it’s okay
To just sink deep into the water

And with your never ending love
I kept on resurfacing
Almost always floating

But darling, you are the sea
And I am just somebody
Pretending to breathe underwater
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