Showing posts with label saviour of the broken. Show all posts

Literary: I’m Home




Settle down,
It will all be clear.
Remember the warmth
Of which that you left with fear

Of which that brought you the glimmer of confidence
When you've always thought there was none.
Of which that brings not always a roof over your head
But to a heart that can never find its place.

For It protects all things vulnerable
All things insecure
All things emotional
And all things you will always need.

He doesn't push you forward
Because he knows that's not what you need
She never convinces you to a decision
Yet reminds you that you'll only fail if you didn't try.

The warmth may not be definite
But it is brought upon by the feeling of comfort
The feeling that you are never alone
The feeling that never invalidates whatever you are going through

Warmth that we may forget through time
Yet it is warmth that never forgets us.
Warmth that never actually shows up
We just don't appreciate it enough that it was there all along.

It reminds us of things we need to hear from time to time.
For it was never always moving forward
Yet it was looking back from where you came.
Appreciating the means and going through the extremes.

Knowing that you are not alone
For time and distance isn't real reason for separation
It's the lack of acknowledgement and appreciation.
Always make time to come home

Literary: The Art of Waiting





How can a prosaic action
Be so poetic?
How can the simplest of acts
Mean more than what it seems to be?

It takes a second to pronounce the word
But sometimes it takes forever to actually do it.
To wait is not just what it means
But it is an art produced by reason.

It’s when the sun rises in the east
And slowly makes its way to the west
Does it for 12 hours a day
As it sees the same things every time.

It’s the anxiousness
That builds up inside of you
As the “seen” indicator appeared
And “… is typing” quickly came up

It’s the confession
That is so unsure
Not knowing
What is to be said

It’s the readiness
The promise
That you’d still be there
Until the end

It’s the unrequited love
But you still stayed
Clueless
But done out of feeling

It’s you
It has always been
It still is
And it will always be you.

It’s the detail
in everything you do,
all the complicated strokes
within the details of a simple action.


Literary: Unseen x Unspoken




Unseen


I would have,
if I could
I wanted run away with you
Do everything and anything

See the things we never saw before
Find the hidden secrets
Within the cracks of the words we say
And the reasons beyond the boundaries of perfection

Risk the time and effort
That could’ve served a better purpose
And seek the worthiness
Of the sincerest moments

But instead,
We settled for the places that were enough
Places that made us feel
That perfection is a possible concept

She’d talk about how beautiful the sunset was
And say it was as beautiful as me
And I’ hate how she’d make me blush every time
But I love hearing her soothing words anyway

She loves to sneak up behind me
And give me the tightest of hugs
How warm it felt like
How secure I feel when I’m with her

As if it’s like I’m always at home
She’d bring me the assurance I needed
As I would do the same
I couldn’t ask for more.

How I’d do anything
Just to see how those perfect moments looked like
If it’s just as beautiful
As the feeling.

It breaks my heart
Knowing that I never saw any of them,
Not the moments, nor the places,
Not even you.

How I wished
I could’ve seen how beautiful the sunset was
How I’d look like whenever I’d blush
Even I don’t know what that looks like, but I loved how she said it.

How I wish she could’ve lived to see the day
That black turned to shapes and colors
Blanks were filled with objects, places, and faces
I suddenly saw everything, everything except you.

The only thing I got to see
Was a stone with your name on it
And a quote saying
“I was loved through nothingness”

She was the best and only one I ever had,
And I never even got the chance
To see through the eyes
Of my lover.

Unspoken

I would have,
If you let me
If you just showed me how much you wanted to
I would have brought you to places

I’ve ventured through alleys and valleys
I’ve traced the map from point to point
I dream of sharing all these sights
Show the wonders life has to offer

You were willing to risk it all
Except being seen by the people who know us
Hide the sincerest feeling we have
From hearing others say nothing or too much

So now,
We remain in our own world
In this concept of perfection you made yourself
Where the two of us are the only characters

I will talk about the sunset’s beauty
And how your blush complements its colors
Say that you’re more than picturesque sky
To see your face painted with a smile

I will always bring you thrill
Even in the simplest manners
Like sneaking behind you for an embrace
Then let comfort seep into you

In every waking moment
I wish to be with you
If you just let me
If you would not let dreams stay as they are

How I’d do anything
Just to make these perfect moments true
It will be more beautiful
Than how it made you feel

It breaks my heart
Knowing that you never saw any of them
Not my dreams, nor my intentions
Not even me

How I wish
I could bring you to watch the sunset
To see your blush brightening up to a glow
Upon the moon’s way up the night sky

Let’s stop just hoping
We’ll live to see the day everything’s clearer
Pitch black days will be remodeled
Into a palette of colors

Once I left a stone etched with the words:
“I was loved through nothingness”
But everything changed
When you came

She was the best I ever had,
If she only tried to see through my eyes
She would’ve realized how much
I love her.

Literary: Everything I Didn't Say




I gave you a rose
He gave you a bouquet
Sorry,
That was all I could afford.

I gave you my heart and soul
I gave it my all.
Yet all he needed was his eyes
To make you fall

I called, and you picked-up
Ten seconds later he called you
and ended ours
I spent hours finding a payphone

I made you a necklace
With rocks from your favorite stones
As he handed you a 10-carat gold bracelet
I got too embarrassed to give mine.

The day finally came,
It’s time to ask if we could be together
He asked you to be his, yesterday
Three years for nothing.

I was drained
physically and emotionally
As he made it look effortless
To make you happy.

It was time to back-off slowly
As tears streamed
Down my face
Not of grief but of joy

I smiled as I saw the happiness in your eyes
Within were things I never said
But you didn’t need to know
Because I was happy as long as you were.

Literary: The Pattern I’ll Keep Repeating





I wake up to you
Somebody I send my good morning texts to
Someone I’d fall for other than my bed in the evening
The sunshine whenever my eyes would rain with tears
The happy pill I'd always take whenever I’m sick of living
My thrill on the most boring of days
The pain that my heart needed to feel,
To know that I need you
Fights I had to lose,
Just so I could win your heart
The hellos that I’d love to hear
And the goodbyes we never wanted,
But needed to happen
And at the end of the day,
I know that you’re my happiness and sadness
And despite being unsure of how our paths would go,
The pattern of us will keep on going,
Always starting with you and me individually,
and ending with us together, eventually.

Literary: My Theory of Everything




   
I believe that everything has its reason, that things are meant to happen, emotions are meant to be felt, and realities are meant to be accepted. To keep moving forward no matter what happens, whether you can’t find your purpose or you lost your happiness. Don’t go backwards despite the pain of your past keeps pulling you to them; if things are getting tough stop for a moment, think about what you should and shouldn’t be doing. And the most common misconception is that you should always do the right thing. No, you shouldn’t. Choose the wise decision over being right, because if you’re doing nothing wrong, you’re not improving yourself, there are no mistakes to learn from. If you keep going right, you’re always bound to come back to where you began. I learned that the hard way.

For years I remained hopeful, for a love that I thought was worth trying. I knew that I shouldn’t rush things so I waited, I thought that waiting for the right time, waiting for the universe to do its magic is all I had to do. But, no it doesn’t work that way. I was losing hope, after being hurt and feeling so tired, I broke down. I spent weeks sleeping at 3AM, months of inconsistency, and years of trying hard to have something that isn’t really meant to be, just to find out that this wasn’t for me, this, isn’t ever going to be for us. But despite what happened, I have no regrets. And I’m not taking back what I said that she was worth pursuing, because I still think she is, but the thing is we don’t deserve each other. We couldn’t give the love we both deserved.

But I found a new light, a reason to believe that that there’s something better in store for us. She started out as someone who makes me smile for no reason. And eventually we became the happiness I lost, it wasn’t the same as before, but why ask for the same thing if the fate of that is just to be lost again. To be the one that sees her best even when she’s at her best... to have someone lift you even when you’re at your lowest. To never had the thought to complain that you’re tired of what you’re doing because you always see that she’s worth every single effort. Actually being valuable to someone, the feeling that you really are likeable, that someone could actually love you the way you deserve to be loved. To have someone pick up your broken pieces as you pick up hers. Finally having a reason to believe in love again, a reason to believe that things will be better.

This may seem too optimistic but it’s another point of view you may want to consider. You may not get what you wanted the first time around, but you’ll get the good things you deserve eventually. Always choose the wise decision over the right one. Choose to move forward and refuse to move backward, you’re never unworthy of the good things in life. Thank you because you’re the inspiration behind my theorization.

Literary: My Broken Pieces






You’ll be amazed at how fast things change

In a blink of an eye,
Things aren’t the same as they used to be.
We don’t know each other anymore.
It’s like nothing happened at all.
We’re suddenly caught between goodbyes
The thing I chased for so long,
Now in the hands of somebody I used to trust.
The feelings that I was so sure of,
Gone in an instant.
The twinkle in your eyes whenever ours would meet,
Dimmed as if a switch was flicked.
The lines you used to write for me,
Now written for someone else.
The smiles we used to share
Are now even brighter because of somebody else.
The universe that once pushed us to be together,
Is now leading our paths away from each other.

But in the end of everything,
Even though things had to end,
Every moment was worth it,
Because I learned that
Two broken hearts could fix one another.
And teach each other to love again.

Literary (Submission): Hindi x Oo






Hindi

Naaalala mo pa ba
Noong tinanong mo ako
Nang walang pasabi, walang dahilan:
"Mahal mo ba ako?"

Ako namang hindi nag-isip,
Hindi nagpapigil.
Sumagot nang walang duda:
"Oo."

Ngunit bakit naging ganito?
Tila sa isang iglap ay bigla na lang naglaho,
Na para bang hindi mo sinabi na ako'y mahal mo rin,
Na mananatiling mahalaga ang mga alaala natin.

Akala ko ba mahal mo ako?
'Di ba ‘pag mahal mo, ipaglalaban mo?
Hanggang sa maalala ko kung paanong nagsimula,
Na kahit mukhang imposible, mahirap.
Ay hindi ka pa rin mawawala.

Minahal mo ba talaga ako?
O sadyang madali lang ako maloko?
'Di naman ako galit.
Sana lang ay nakita kong
Ako'y iyong ipagpapalit.

Hindi mo ako minahal.
Ako'y sigurado na.
Hindi mo ako mahal.
Dahil gusto mo lang na mahalin kita.

Oo

Naalala ko pa, nakakintal dito sa aking isipan,
Pano ko naman malilimutan ang mga iyon.
Minsan na nga lang aminin ang totoong nadarama,
Sa’yo pa.

Ako naman ‘tong hindi naniwala.
Nagduda’t napaisip sa sagot mo.
Totoo nga ba ang mga sinabi mo?
Madali lang kasing sabihin na mahal mo rin ako.

Minahal kita.
Isang sugal ang pag-ibig kong ito sa iyo.
Sa dami ng taong inunahan ko para ipaglaban ang atin,
Ilang gabing iniiyakan ka,
Bawat patak ng luha na may halong pagmamahal ko sa’yo.
Ngunit di pa rin naman ako sumuko.

Anong nangyari?
Bakit tayo humantong sa ganito?

Ipinaramdam ko namang minahal kita,
Ilang taon ko rin itong pinaninidigan,
Ang hirap kasing paniwalaang mahal mo ako,
Dahil nakikita kong mas masaya ka sa iba.
Dahil naiisip kong mahirap siyang pantayan,
Paano ba naman, iniisip kong maligaya ka sa kanya.

Hindi naman sa sumusuko na ako,
Pero minsan kailangang magparaya.
Magparaya dahil mahal mo.

Kailanma’y hindi kita ipagpapalit,
Landas man nati’y maghiwalay,
Hindi man pareho ang ating patutunguhan,
Hindi mawawala ang pag-asang tayo’y magkikitang muli.
Magtatagpong muli.

Kaya,
Hanggang dito na lang muna siguro,
May distansya sa pagitan nating dalawa.
Nasusulyapan pa rin ang isa’t-isa.
Ikinasisiya na ang pagtatama ng ating mga mata.

Hanggang dito na lamang muna tayo,
Pagkakataon ito upang muling hanapin,
Nawalay na pag-ibig natin.

Literary (Submission): For the Right Love That'll Come




I’m sorry.
It’s been a while.
Perhaps I’m still an emotional wreck,
But I know I loved you for a reason.

Bear with me, I know I can be indecisive
But the truth is I just don’t like to assume.
I don’t like giving meaning to the little things.
It makes me think about the wrong things.

I don’t understand mixed signals.
Please, let me feel that this is worth it.
I promise you that I’ll let you know
That I loved you for the right reasons.
Because I’m pretty sure that I’d hesitate
Even with the slightest of doubts.

Help me remember
How it feels like to be loved.
Help me remember
How even the darkness can be the brightest of places.
How I can still be loved
Even though I can’t get myself together.
How you can revive
The ember that once burned for someone else.

Forgive me if sometimes, I compare you to her.
It’s not that she set my standards,
But sometimes these little things of the past
Just suddenly shine like the stars that come and go.

You deserve to be happy,
To be loved by the right people.
I hope that I am worthy of your heart
Because I know you’re more than worthy of mine.

I promise you, I won’t look back.
Because I know that things had to happen the way they did
So I can find my way to you.

Stay with me.
I’ll show you how much I love you
And why love is always worth coming back for.

Video: Unwanted x Unrequited







Literary: 7 Wonders






Welcome to the 7 Wonders of Us! These are testament to the history of a boy and a girl, caught up in the strings of fate and swept into a whirlwind of memories. Please keep your emotions in check. The management will not be responsible for any tears, time, and effort put into reading this article. Prepare your hearts for the experience of a lifetime!




The Great Wall Between Us
Built when we first met, strengthened when we didn’t tell each other the truth. This wall is fortified with fear: fear of the truth, fear of commitment, fear of being turned down and its heartbreaking outcome. Yet it’s funny how so many marvel at this beauty. Two sides divided by the wall show imperfections that perfectly complement each other and two sides blind to each other, like how we can’t see the beauty of us together. It’s sad how all but us could see how perfect we are together, thanks to this Great Wall Between Us.



Machu Picture
Taken 13 years ago, it was our first picture together after we conquered the great wall together, well before everything became awkward. This picture symbolized when we first met, marking the start of thousands of unsaid words, years of unconfessed love and much more. I never really understood why I couldn't get rid of it. It just felt like this picture was meant for this list. It’s meant to be a wonder. It's meant to make me wonder why despite seeing different people, despite breaking each other's hearts without knowing, and despite going different paths, in the end, the paths we took just lead to each other.



The Epitome of Us
The Epitome of Us is a statue made to resemble the significance of the great history we have. Built by years of emotions, countless glances, and constant mixed signals, it serves as a symbol of how much history could be told from one figure. I remembered the first picture we took together was on this very spot. We used to never think about our unconfessed love. We never tried to be anything but friends. And this statue stands here because it symbolizes something we already had but never saw.



The Sentiment Colosseum
The Sentiment Colosseum, or the Emotion Amphitheatre, was built to keep your feelings silent, since expressing them might be overwhelming or irrelevant. Used for drama and re-enactments of meaningful moments, this is where one of the biggest unseen battles took place: choosing between fighting for what I felt for you and doing what I thought was right for us. And that’s why they kept a replica of the Epitome of Us: to see its similarity in beautiful destruction. But this is a thing of the past. Nowadays, it's just a tourist spot for those attracted to our story. Although it's full of drama, problems, and setbacks, I still wouldn’t have missed it for the world.



The Pyramid of Infinite Possibilities
The first steps we took and the countless others that followed it, all these create The Pyramid of Infinite Possibilities. Similar to the Sentiment Colosseum, this pyramid consists of stones that represent the problems and challenges that, when put together in the right way, make a glorious sight that earns its spot in the seven wonders. All the hardships and obstacles may drain every ounce of hope you have in you, but seeing how it turns out in the long run makes you realize that all the steps and sacrifices you doubted were worth it.



City of Recollection
Millions of memories were bound together to form this city, from the smallest, most shallow of moments which only the two of us notice, to the grand ones we consider milestones of our “relationship.” Found here is the memory of when my mere attraction for you grew into pure admiration the second I knew you cared enough to listen to whatever I had to say and to be there for me when I failed to keep sane, even if you didn’t know what to do. The memory of the exact moment when I realized we weren’t going to be just friends is forever imprinted on the walls of this city. We were always more than just possibilities, more than just late night conversations, more than how our fears defined us. This city was built to keep and protect precious moments, good or bad, forever. In the likelihood that we ever reach the point of changing, at least some things that never will.



Taj Mahal
The Great Palace built in the city where everything changed for us. After all the unsaid words, unseen feelings, and fear that overshadowed us, we did it! We made it through all of it. Although the timing was never right, the feelings were never sure and fear constantly reigned over the will to make a move, these didn't stop us from somehow finding our way back to each other. Time and time again, the universe reminds us that if it’s right, it’s right. We always deny what’s in front of us and thought that time would change what we feel for each other. But the reality is, nothing good ever gets away.

And that’s what makes the 7 Wonders of Us. Thank you for taking the tour. Until next time.

Literary: To Whenever You Play a Game





Remember all the 'firsts and lasts' you got the first time you played a game? Like the first toy you’ve ever gotten, to the last one you gave away. From the first time you’ve ever felt so happy with something that isn’t real, to the last time you’ll ever be satisfied with something make-believe. Or even the first time you’ve ever felt real pain from something that should bring you joy, to the time you’ve found something that hurts even more.

You’ll notice how things change as you grow older. How a game used to mean fun, happiness, laughter and wasn’t anyhow related to love, pain, and disaster.

Like how I used to build everything from a tiny Lego car to a block-based skyscraper; a time when it was okay to let your imaginations be limitless and free. Back when I used to play chess so casually, how I’d think about every move I do, every single possible outcome, and choose the best chance I’d have to get a checkmate. Times when I’d always love to roleplay the hero, rescue the damsel in distress, defeat the villain, and save the day.

I love how simple it was back then, but life keeps moving forward and you just can’t stop change from happening.

Sooner or later you’d be breaking that childhood stereotype.

You’ll come to a point where you just can’t let your mind run carelessly anymore. You’ll come to a point where you will think that, to imagine is also to overthink. And the next thing you know, you’re building boundaries instead of bridges, you’d be finding your soulmate instead of checkmates, you’d be pretending to be okay instead of saving the day.

You’ll find out that there’s more to games than joy and laughter. It will make you realize that you could start wherever you want but you’ll still end up winning or learning.

I know that I may sound cliché by saying this but, a Game is just like life itself. It’s a learning process, a cycle of trial and error. And remember that no matter what, enjoy the journey, you’ll rise and fall here, and there. Heck, you’d even be breaking some rules and crossing some boundaries in the process. And that’s okay.

But if it’s one thing you’ll need to know before playing a game, is that you should never think about the outcome too much. You’ll miss out on the journey.

Literary: Two Sentence Stories






“Sir,” he panted, running into my office, “there’s been a report of nine disappearances.” I looked him in the eye and said, “Now, there are ten.” – Toa of the Wind

She said, “Follow your dreams.” When she left, he followed her. – Shuttlesworth

The kids were ready to play in their new home. Instead, their new home will be playing the kids. – Lanuarius

Our intertwined fingers fit perfectly together. It’s such a shame you already have a band on your ring finger. – Baby Carrot

He’s holding her tightly and dearly. She was suffocating so she broke free. – Pineapple Pen

I tried my everything to go nearer. She also tried her everything to move farther away. – Zeke

I heard my sister call me downstairs. But she whispered in my ears that I shouldn’t listen. – Confusecius

I was looking for answers. I found her. – Impreza

Their eyes always meet. But their hearts never do. – Kat

Our past exists. Our future doesn’t. – Hodor

I hope you waited a little bit more. You could have seen her fall. – Margaery

He’s just a bird waiting to be set free. But you didn’t know that you have the key. – Jester

Efforts don’t define love. Because once, I worked hard to write a story but you went with the one who brought you a book. – Arrow

I walked away from this a long time ago. But all roads led to you. – Saviour of the Broken

Everybody’s talking about the man who can’t be moved. What about the girl who came back? – Sushi

He loved me like I was illegal. I loved him like he was the law. – Fall Out Boi

For him, I opened the door to my heart. It turned out, I was the one knocking on his. – Virgo

They searched hoping they could find, yet they hid fearing they would lose. When they found each other, the game was already over. – Halcyon

There was once a story about a great guy who didn’t finish his story. So – Echo

Literary: I Hope You Knew





I hope you knew
I have always wished for you

I guess what I’m trying to say is
I still cherish everything we had together
Even though it always kept me up all night.

All The late night calls that never happened
The ever short replies I never asked for
All the painful messages I tried to ignore
The unsent drafts that could’ve made things better

How we wrote every chapter together.
How you’ll always be my last dance and no other.
How we quoted song lyrics indirectly for one another
How we kept chasing deadlines but not each other
How our mutual feelings were the only things we didn’t see
How I kept saying sorry, for crossing the overthinking boundary
How I gave meaning to our late night conversations at three.

After all the memories of you and me
After the signs told me it was meant to be

Yet here I am, still having these second thoughts
Maybe you’re a wish that’ll never come true

(Now read it from bottom to top)

Literary (Submission): Holding on to a Promise




It used to be so easy with you
You made me happy with everything you do
Now you make my efforts seem nothing at all
And it made me think: Was it worth the fall?

I miss the times when I didn’t have to worry about anything
Now it gets harder with the problems these days bring
And even if I want to go back and rewind
Shots of confusion still linger in my mind

I’m tired. I don’t even know how I’m still holding on
Even though all my hopes could already be gone
But I’m not saying I’m letting go
Because I’d still be here even if you don’t know

Don't be afraid to let it go
If it's meant to be, you will know
Not everything that falls lands on the ground
Some fly to a new place and wait to be found

But the problem is I didn’t land on ground
Instead I landed on a pool of love where I drowned.
Yet I learned to swim without any rest
And I swam toward you and never left.

I want you to know
I promise to never leave the ones who stay
Though the stars may not align
And the world may turn away
I promise to understand all the signs
And be there when the stars and planets in our skies align
But I don’t know how a promise would fix things
That some actions cannot

I never wanted to make a promise
Because it always ends up hurting
But for you, I’d do anything.
All I want you to know is that I’m trying
And that no matter what I’m not stopping
That’s a promise I’ll never break
Because losing you once was an unforgettable mistake

Literary (Submission): Of Waiting




You know how there are things that you're just used to being there? That is, until something or someone comes in and changes everything you think. Then suddenly it’s gone, leaving you hoping that it would come back. Eventually, however, you'd give up on waiting. And just when you stopped, it comes back. But it’s just a little too late. As time passed you realized you never really lost interest. And now, you’re the one who's chasing what was once there.

That’s exactly how it was for me.

For a long time, every night, I would go out and gaze at the stars. There's this constellation that seems incomplete—as if it's missing a star. And I fell in love with it because it reminds me so much of myself.

But that was 'til I met you—the star that completes that constellation in the sky and made me fall in love with it even more. But the problem was you also completed some other constellation. So there I thought it wasn't meant to be, that it just so happens to be there right there, where my constellation lies.

So as time passed, the star drifted away, like you. But I became used to the incompleteness of the constellation. Somehow, I became used to how things were. I didn’t even notice that you came back because by that time, I wasn't there to see it. I've been so busy that I barely have time for anything. In fact, I haven't been out in a long time. I missed whiling my time away, gazing at the stars upon the night sky.

When I finally had the time to go outside, the star wasn't there anymore. You weren't there. And I can’t help asking why is it that whenever I'm there, you're not? And whenever I'm not, you're there? It was like planets aligned in our skies at the same time, but we were from different galaxies.

Now, it’s my turn to wait. It's my turn to stay here. Hoping that you, the star that would complete that constellation in the sky would come back to complete me.

I never had the patience to wait for anything. But I could and I would wait for you. I would wait for that moment when everything in the universe finally clicks in place for us.

Because time has made me realize that you and me, in that moment, would be worth it.

Literary (Submission): Room 115




Ang bilis pala ng panahon. Matatapos na pala ang 3rd quarter. Tapos UAAP na! Tapos Prom na!!! Grabe. Pero iniisip ko nga, it's now or never. Kasi alam ko na marami akong kailangang lagpasan bago makarating sa'yo. Pero mag-aaral na muna ako, pagbutihin ko ko muna ang mga quiz at requirements para sa araw na ‘to.

Dahil eto na. Today is the day! Ito na ang araw kung kailan maririnig ko ang matamis mong “Oo” o kaya ang masakit mong “Hindi.”

-----

Huling subject na! Pero yung isip ko lumilipad na sa gagawin ko mamaya. Naibalik lang ako sa kasalukuyan nang makita ko sa desk ko ang test paper. Di ko namalayan na binigay na pala ang paper sa'kin at kanina pa nagsimula yung test. Tinawanan ko na lang ang sarili ko eh. Akala ko ba focus muna? Hay nako! Nababaliw na yata ako.

Ngunit, sa totoo lang, kahit ilang beses kong sabihin na magfofocus muna ako sa acads, ikaw pa rin ang nasa isip ko. Mas kinakabahn pa nga akong malaman ang sagot mo kaysa sa mga sinasagot ko dito sa test na ‘to.

"Last 5 minutes!"

Mas lalo na akong kinakabahan. Bawat segundong lumilipas nadadagdagan ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Naalala ko bigla 'yung mga pinagdaanan ko bago ako nakumbinsing gawin ito. Tuwing madadananan ko mga kaibigan mo, sinasabi nila sa'kin:

"Uy, dali naaaa huuuyy!"

"Bilis na!!! Alam naman namin gusto mo eh.”

“Baka maunahan ka pa, ano ba!!!"

Nginingitian ko lang sila. Kasi naisip ko, bakit ko pa lolokohin ang sarili ko. Gusto ko naman talaga. Kaya lang natatakot akong malaman yung sagot mo. Kung mag 'no' ka man, okay lang sa'kin pero sana hindi maging awkward sa'ting dalawa. Yun lang naman ang dahilan kung bakit nagdadalawang isip ako. Ayokong magbago ang pagkakaibigan natin.

"Okay class, ipasa na ang questionnaire at answer sheet."

Malapit na talaga! Kung ano-ano na yung pumapasok sa isip ko. Ano na ang gagawin ko? Ready na ba ang lahat? Ready na ba ako?

Pero inuulit ulit ko sa sarili ko na: 'It's now or never.' Kasi kapag di ko ginawa or maunahan ako, alam kong magsisisi ako. Trust me, I know.

Dali-dali akong bumaba sa 1st floor. Buti na lang pinayagan akong gamitin yung room na 'yon para dito. I cannot think of a better place kasi doon talaga nagsimula ito—kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko at kung bakit ganito ang gagawin ko.

Pagdating ko sa room, tinignan ko kung okay na yung lahat ng kailangan ko. Plano ko dapat kumanta eh, pero di naman maganda boses ko.. Baka masira lang yung moment. Kaya nanghiram na lang ako ng speakers. Buti nalang talaga ang dami kong mababait na kaibigan. Sinabi ko sa kanila na idistract ka habang nagseset-up ako.

Sa wakas, dumating na 'yung oras. Ito na talaga! Tinext ko na sila.

"Okay na!!"

"Oks oks. Ready ka na?"

"Sa totoo lang hindi eh pero bahala na ASHDLAHSDLKHQW HAHAHAHAHAHAH"

"Papunta na kami!!!"

Nangyayari na ba talaga 'to? Grabe na yung tibok ng puso ko! Pero wala nang balikan 'to. Sa pagmamadali ko nilagay ko sa shuffle ang music player tapos random yung kanta na tumugtog. Pero wala na akong oras para pumili pa kaya inihanda ko na lang ang sarili ko.

Minsan oo, minsan hindi… minsan tama, minsan mali…

Grabe yung pakiramdam ko! Sa lahat ng pwedeng kanta, ito pa yung tumugtog. Socials kasi talaga ang naaalala ko tuwing naririnig ko ito. Nang matapos ang kanta nung gabing iyon, sobra-sobra ang pagsisisi at panghihinayang ko. Sinabi ko sa sarili kong hindi ko na palalagpasin ang mga susunod na pagkakataon na maibibigay sa akin.

Tumingin, sa'king mata. Magtapat ng nagdarama.

Bumukas ang pintuan. Agad kitang nasulyapan. Biglang tumahimik ang lahat at ang kantang Sa’yo lang ang naririnig natin. Wala akong imik, as in. Tila ilang minuto ang lumipas nang nakangiti lang ako sa’yo. Yung tipong ngiting hindi mo alam kung bakit pero hindi mo napigilan.

Hinugot ko na lahat ng lakas ng loob ko at sa wakas tinanong ko na sa’yo:

“Will you go to prom with me?"

-----

“Basahin mo, now na,” sabi sa akin nang ibinigay itong submission mo para sa next pub. “Kailangan na kasi niyan ng sagot ngayon.” Nagtaka ako. Bakit now na kailangan ng sagot? Hindi ba pwedeng mamaya na lang or bukas?

Pero di na ko nagtanong kung bakit kailangan ngayon na, binasa ko na lang.

“Tara, sama ka sa ‘min,” bigla kong narinig sa kalagitnaan ng pagbabasa ko. Inangat ko ang aking ulo at nakita ko ang mga kaibigan mong nakangiting nakatingin sa akin. Tapos sinamahan nila akong maglakad papunta sa room na nilarawan mo sa kwento.

“Saan yun???” sabi ko sa sarili ko. Hindi ko agad naisip ang tinutukoy mo. Wala talaga akong idea nung una.
Sa totoo lang, nung ibinigay sakin ‘tong binabasa ko ngayon, akala ko hindi ikaw ang sumulat. Filipino kasi eh. Alam ko namang ayaw na ayaw mong nagsusulat ng hindi English, kaya nagtaka ako. Medyo nag-away pa nga tayo last time dahil gusto kong Filipino ang collab natin, pero ayaw mo.

“Hala, ano ‘to?”
“Bakit kailangan nito ng sagot?”
“Huh? Di ko gets!”

Puro ganyan ang nasa isip ko habang naglalakad kami. Patuloy kong binabasa ‘to, at patuloy kong iniisip bakit ito nangyayari? Anong meron? Bakit ganito? Bakit ngayon? Hay. Bakit ang dami kong tanong?! Basta kinabahan akong bigla, hindi ko alam kung bakit. Na-feel ko na kasi na may mangyayari kasunod nito lalo pa at maaga kaming dinismiss sa klase.

Papalapit na kami sa room, at bigla kong narinig ang kantang Sa’yo. Naaalala ko pa rin yung moment na yun noong socials. Matinding pagsisisi raw ang naramdaman mo. Pero kasi naman, sino bang hindi manghihinayang doon? Na sa’yo na, nandiyan na, pinakawalan mo pa. Kaya naintindihan ko na kung bakit sabi mo na hindi mo na papalagpasin ang anomang pagkakataon na darating.

“Ahhhhh, dito. Gets ko na,” naisip ko noong na-figure out ko na kung saan kami patungo. At bigla kong naintindihan. Kung bakit dito, bakit ganito ang pinili mong gawin, at kung bakit ako.

Nandito na. Saktong sakto, kakatapos ko lang din basahin ang huling linya sa lit mo. At sa oras na ito, hindi ko malaman kung anong mararamdaman ko. Parang halo-halo ang lahat ng emosyon. Lahat ng pwedeng maramdaman, naramdaman ko. Parang kasi hindi pa nagsisink in.

Ayan na, binuksan na nila yung pinto.

Pumasok ako ng room, agad kitang nakita. Agad ko ring natandaan ang unang beses nating pumasok dito. Lumabas sa utak ko ang itsura nito dati. Ganoon pa rin, ngunit ngayon, tayong dalawa na lang ang tao dito.

Nakatayo ka, nakangiti. At sa mga sandaling ‘yon, hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Hindi ko kasi inakalang gagawin mo talaga. Alam kong inaasar at pinupush ka ng mga kaibigan ko, pero naisip ko na hanggang doon lang ang lahat.

Lumakad ako palapit sayo. Ang tanging naririnig ko lang ay ang kanta at ang mga boses ng mga kaklase mo sa labas. More than ten years na tayong magkakilala, pero never pumasok sa isip ko na balang araw, gagawin mo ‘to. Ang tagal na kasi nating magkaibigan, as in sobrang tagal na.

Hindi ka nagsalita (o hindi ko lang narinig ang sinabi mo). Hindi rin ako nagsalita (for a while). Tiningnan ko ang paligid at napangiti ako.

Una kong napansin yung banner, kung saan nakasulat yung favorite line mo sa tulang sinulat ko dati. Natuwa ako dahil ikaw ang nagsulat, kahit alam mong may mas igaganda pa ‘yun kung pinasulat mo sa iba. Sobrang na-appreciate ko yun.

May binigay kang flowers. At may nakapatong na pizza sa upuan. Hindi na ko nagtaka kung bakit pizza ang pinili mong ibigay. Lagi ko kasing namemention kapag nag-uusap tayo.

Hindi ko alam kung paano mo ‘to plinano. Yung magpa-excuse nga sa teacher para sa promposal, nakakahiya nang gawin, paano pa kaya yung mga pinagdaanan mo. Hindi ko rin alam kung paano ka nakahanap ng oras para magsulat, magplano at gawin ang lahat. Malapit na kasi yung perio at nakatambak talaga ang requirements na super lapit na ng deadline.

Hindi ka nagsalita, pero alam ko na yung tanong. Ang dami na nating pinagdaanan at sinulat nang magkasama, at dahil dito alam ko na rin ang sagot ko.

Tinignan kita, ngumiti, at sinabing:

“Yes.”

Literary (Submission): 24/7



4:15am
Daybreak

I set my alarm at 4AM, but woke up 15 minutes later
It took three snoozes to convince me
That waking up was necessary
To get to glance at a phenomenon.

I woke up to the shade of the morning
Just to gaze at the sunrise
For the sun reminds me of you
The way you make life brighter or darker than it already is

I fell in love with it in a matter of seconds
Just a few seconds short of the time it took to fall for you
Very much unlike how long it still takes
To get over the little things you do

7:09am
Sunup

Hours after the sun has come up
And the colors of the morning truly set in,
Waking me up from this fantasy
That sleep has woven me into.

The light shines upon your eyes
And makes it look like celestial gold
Similar to this love I have for you
Holy, pure, but never to be told.

The sunbeams drop on every corner of the world
To the most unfathomable depths of the sea,
Yet they always fail to touch my heart
For the only one who could do that has always been you.

5:56pm
Twilight

It's that time when almost everybody falls in love
As the sun that leaves us with darkness
And eventually comes back to us to bring us joy again
And repeats its cycle every day.

But I still don’t get it.
I never thought you could feel the same way twice.
So why do sunsets make me feel the same way
Every single day, time and time again.

I guess it's like how I feel whenever I'm with you,
But all of those are mere memories now.
We had so much to remember
Yet every time I try to think of it, it just hurts.

11:11pm
Whim

All the memories you want to relive,
All the reasons for you to smile,
The moments that remind you of times you were mistaken,
And the things that made you have regrets.

All those moments we were together,
and the promises we said were for forever
and yet here I am with so many regrets,
and if I say so myself, nearly broken.

1:01am
Night

I love this silent hour at night
For blissful dreams may then come to my mind
Where there is only you in sight,
The one I've been longing to see since I woke up

But I need to get some sleep
To escape for a little while
From the thought of everything,
The pain I keep on feeling,
and all the late-night thoughts that haunt me.

And as the darkness sinks in,
It's calling me to sleep.
and so ends a tiring day.

Good night.
And may the stars guide you to our mornings once again.

Literary (Submission): A Love Letter



To you,

Years have passed, times have changed, and I thought my feelings would too. You’ve taught me that feelings are not always right for someone can manipulate it. You’ve proven me wrong until this day. Before all this, before you... I was a song without a melody, a poem without a story. The word “love” wasn’t even in my dictionary. I never knew a four letter word would inspire me, motivate me, and would change me in more ways than one.

Love is happy, love is sad. Love can walk through the door anytime. Love is never sure at first but will eventually realize the truth. Love can be two-sided, but also unrequited. And in my life you are synonymous to love.

Every moment with you feels like I have all the time in the world to waste with you. Without you, I feel like time is slowly making me suffer. You’re the only one who understood me, through my problems and in the darkest of times. Without you, it feels like I'm lost in translation.

Love would also hurt much. There are no words that can describe the pain. There are times when memories hurt more than words, when remembering leaves the largest of scars. I couldn’t stop remembering, not what we were, but what we could’ve been.

Love could either be heartbreaking or that “kilig story” you’ve always wanted. But, love for me is regret. I keep remembering my tragedy. I keep to myself my thoughts on what we could’ve been. Like we could’ve been talking personally, sharing all the thoughts and stories. We could’ve been a couple as great and perfect as Romeo and Juliet. Though it’s too late now to be drowned in regrets, for memories stay the same and you couldn’t change a thing.

Love is the greatest cure for anything but also the simplest weapon of all. Love is my biggest regret but I don’t know why I keep repeating this mistake for there’s a feeling love gives that I just can’t let go of.

Literary (Submission): Take Two



I remember the first time you said ‘hi’
And how it hurt when you said ‘goodbye’
How I smiled whenever I heard your name
And how I wished our feelings would be the same

I recall the moment I began it all
And how I left even when I knew I was starting to fall
How I'd wonder if my name ever earned a spot
In your heart that's always worth the long shot

I thought there would be no hope for me
Because being the one you’d love, I thought I’d never be
But here we are now, remembering a memory
Could this still be reality?

For you, there will always be hope even if you can’t see
Because you’re the one, who else would it be?
You tied the broken strings inside of me
And I just want to let you know, it was never a fantasy

I don’t know what to feel
It’s like everything happening is so surreal
Because it’s no longer a ‘once upon a time’
It became a dream come true of mine

Nothing’s ever unreal, it is just unknown that
More things are wrought by love than this world dreams of alone
Even crystal rain falls from the unlit sky
So dreams can come true with the blink of an eye

I never thought I’d be in this reality
The moon has blessed me with sweet serendipity

Even when this galaxy of ours drifts into a black hole
You'll still have this irreplaceable footprint etched onto my soul