Video: Unwanted x Unrequited
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Literary (Submission): Holding on to a Promise
It used to be so easy with you
You made me happy with everything you do
Now you make my efforts seem nothing at all
And it made me think: Was it worth the fall?
I miss the times when I didn’t have to worry about anything
Now it gets harder with the problems these days bring
And even if I want to go back and rewind
Shots of confusion still linger in my mind
I’m tired. I don’t even know how I’m still holding on
Even though all my hopes could already be gone
But I’m not saying I’m letting go
Because I’d still be here even if you don’t know
Don't be afraid to let it go
If it's meant to be, you will know
Not everything that falls lands on the ground
Some fly to a new place and wait to be found
But the problem is I didn’t land on ground
Instead I landed on a pool of love where I drowned.
Yet I learned to swim without any rest
And I swam toward you and never left.
I want you to know
I promise to never leave the ones who stay
Though the stars may not align
And the world may turn away
I promise to understand all the signs
And be there when the stars and planets in our skies align
But I don’t know how a promise would fix things
That some actions cannot
I never wanted to make a promise
Because it always ends up hurting
But for you, I’d do anything.
All I want you to know is that I’m trying
And that no matter what I’m not stopping
That’s a promise I’ll never break
Because losing you once was an unforgettable mistake
Literary (Submission): What Mountains?
Isn’t it amazing how anyone can write a poem or sing a song but with love and patience, one can touch your heart? Or how one can have and raise children but with love and patience, one gets a family?
One of the greatest battles in history came to life because of someone’s love for a special person. But also because of love for the country and its freedom, one of the most tragic times in Philippine history came to an end as the people marched as one to reclaim the throne from the dictator.
One can have enough patience to wait for the right timing, even if it comes in 10 years, and still have love to view this world as a blessing because one person keeps life worth living.
That is how I know patience and love can do anything.
Love encompasses everything. Love gives you the will to do the things you want to do and even the things you think are impossible to do. It challenges people and it makes you go out to the unknown, knowing that eventually, with patience, you can reach your goal.
Love blinds you from the mountains. You are aware that they’re there but you’re willing to continue because something out there is so much more important than saving yourself from fear. And without knowing, little by little, you start moving mountains because you keep going.
My mother has enough love for us to work everyday and enough patience to continue doing it even if sometimes what we give in return isn’t ideal. My father has enough love for us to bring and pick us up no matter how far from home we get because our safety is of utmost important to him. He has enough patience to continue doing it even if he gets less sleep or we wake him up at 12 AM for it.
I have enough love for myself to wake up everyday and take care of things. Enough love for my inspiration to make sure he never runs out of love and spark in his eyes; enough love for my friends to care for them and spend time with them. And I have enough patience to never choose to stop doing these things.
If you think about it, it’s not about the phenomenal things that love can do, but the little things—the ones that happen everyday, ones that without love and patience, wouldn’t be the same.
Imagine the world without those two. There wouldn’t even be a world if it wasn’t for love. We wouldn’t be forgiven if God didn’t have love for us. But He did. So much of it that He sacrificed His own son for us.
Whatever kind of love you have, whether love for someone, something, someplace, or anything, don’t you think it’s what makes you want to do everything so that your love for it would be justified? So that everyone would understand and could somehow feel or share what you’re feeling?
But the problem is no love can ever be the same love twice. The one you’re feeling right now is a different kind of love from what everyone else is also feeling. You can never share exactly the same feeling for only you get to experience that. What we can share, however, is our expression—our way of showing what’s inside. And that is what makes us go beyond the limit.
‘I love you’ means I have patience and all the things that come with love. And I am willing to push through, over or under all mountains in life to prove it.
Literary (Submission): Room 115
Ang bilis pala ng panahon. Matatapos na pala ang 3rd quarter. Tapos UAAP na! Tapos Prom na!!! Grabe. Pero iniisip ko nga, it's now or never. Kasi alam ko na marami akong kailangang lagpasan bago makarating sa'yo. Pero mag-aaral na muna ako, pagbutihin ko ko muna ang mga quiz at requirements para sa araw na ‘to.
Dahil eto na. Today is the day! Ito na ang araw kung kailan maririnig ko ang matamis mong “Oo” o kaya ang masakit mong “Hindi.”
-----
Huling subject na! Pero yung isip ko lumilipad na sa gagawin ko mamaya. Naibalik lang ako sa kasalukuyan nang makita ko sa desk ko ang test paper. Di ko namalayan na binigay na pala ang paper sa'kin at kanina pa nagsimula yung test. Tinawanan ko na lang ang sarili ko eh. Akala ko ba focus muna? Hay nako! Nababaliw na yata ako.
Ngunit, sa totoo lang, kahit ilang beses kong sabihin na magfofocus muna ako sa acads, ikaw pa rin ang nasa isip ko. Mas kinakabahn pa nga akong malaman ang sagot mo kaysa sa mga sinasagot ko dito sa test na ‘to.
"Last 5 minutes!"
Mas lalo na akong kinakabahan. Bawat segundong lumilipas nadadagdagan ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Naalala ko bigla 'yung mga pinagdaanan ko bago ako nakumbinsing gawin ito. Tuwing madadananan ko mga kaibigan mo, sinasabi nila sa'kin:
"Uy, dali naaaa huuuyy!"
"Bilis na!!! Alam naman namin gusto mo eh.”
“Baka maunahan ka pa, ano ba!!!"
Nginingitian ko lang sila. Kasi naisip ko, bakit ko pa lolokohin ang sarili ko. Gusto ko naman talaga. Kaya lang natatakot akong malaman yung sagot mo. Kung mag 'no' ka man, okay lang sa'kin pero sana hindi maging awkward sa'ting dalawa. Yun lang naman ang dahilan kung bakit nagdadalawang isip ako. Ayokong magbago ang pagkakaibigan natin.
"Okay class, ipasa na ang questionnaire at answer sheet."
Malapit na talaga! Kung ano-ano na yung pumapasok sa isip ko. Ano na ang gagawin ko? Ready na ba ang lahat? Ready na ba ako?
Pero inuulit ulit ko sa sarili ko na: 'It's now or never.' Kasi kapag di ko ginawa or maunahan ako, alam kong magsisisi ako. Trust me, I know.
Dali-dali akong bumaba sa 1st floor. Buti na lang pinayagan akong gamitin yung room na 'yon para dito. I cannot think of a better place kasi doon talaga nagsimula ito—kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko at kung bakit ganito ang gagawin ko.
Pagdating ko sa room, tinignan ko kung okay na yung lahat ng kailangan ko. Plano ko dapat kumanta eh, pero di naman maganda boses ko.. Baka masira lang yung moment. Kaya nanghiram na lang ako ng speakers. Buti nalang talaga ang dami kong mababait na kaibigan. Sinabi ko sa kanila na idistract ka habang nagseset-up ako.
Sa wakas, dumating na 'yung oras. Ito na talaga! Tinext ko na sila.
"Okay na!!"
"Oks oks. Ready ka na?"
"Sa totoo lang hindi eh pero bahala na ASHDLAHSDLKHQW HAHAHAHAHAHAH"
"Papunta na kami!!!"
Nangyayari na ba talaga 'to? Grabe na yung tibok ng puso ko! Pero wala nang balikan 'to. Sa pagmamadali ko nilagay ko sa shuffle ang music player tapos random yung kanta na tumugtog. Pero wala na akong oras para pumili pa kaya inihanda ko na lang ang sarili ko.
Minsan oo, minsan hindi… minsan tama, minsan mali…
Grabe yung pakiramdam ko! Sa lahat ng pwedeng kanta, ito pa yung tumugtog. Socials kasi talaga ang naaalala ko tuwing naririnig ko ito. Nang matapos ang kanta nung gabing iyon, sobra-sobra ang pagsisisi at panghihinayang ko. Sinabi ko sa sarili kong hindi ko na palalagpasin ang mga susunod na pagkakataon na maibibigay sa akin.
Tumingin, sa'king mata. Magtapat ng nagdarama.
Bumukas ang pintuan. Agad kitang nasulyapan. Biglang tumahimik ang lahat at ang kantang Sa’yo lang ang naririnig natin. Wala akong imik, as in. Tila ilang minuto ang lumipas nang nakangiti lang ako sa’yo. Yung tipong ngiting hindi mo alam kung bakit pero hindi mo napigilan.
Hinugot ko na lahat ng lakas ng loob ko at sa wakas tinanong ko na sa’yo:
“Will you go to prom with me?"
-----
“Basahin mo, now na,” sabi sa akin nang ibinigay itong submission mo para sa next pub. “Kailangan na kasi niyan ng sagot ngayon.” Nagtaka ako. Bakit now na kailangan ng sagot? Hindi ba pwedeng mamaya na lang or bukas?
Pero di na ko nagtanong kung bakit kailangan ngayon na, binasa ko na lang.
“Tara, sama ka sa ‘min,” bigla kong narinig sa kalagitnaan ng pagbabasa ko. Inangat ko ang aking ulo at nakita ko ang mga kaibigan mong nakangiting nakatingin sa akin. Tapos sinamahan nila akong maglakad papunta sa room na nilarawan mo sa kwento.
“Saan yun???” sabi ko sa sarili ko. Hindi ko agad naisip ang tinutukoy mo. Wala talaga akong idea nung una.
Sa totoo lang, nung ibinigay sakin ‘tong binabasa ko ngayon, akala ko hindi ikaw ang sumulat. Filipino kasi eh. Alam ko namang ayaw na ayaw mong nagsusulat ng hindi English, kaya nagtaka ako. Medyo nag-away pa nga tayo last time dahil gusto kong Filipino ang collab natin, pero ayaw mo.
“Hala, ano ‘to?”
“Bakit kailangan nito ng sagot?”
“Huh? Di ko gets!”
Puro ganyan ang nasa isip ko habang naglalakad kami. Patuloy kong binabasa ‘to, at patuloy kong iniisip bakit ito nangyayari? Anong meron? Bakit ganito? Bakit ngayon? Hay. Bakit ang dami kong tanong?! Basta kinabahan akong bigla, hindi ko alam kung bakit. Na-feel ko na kasi na may mangyayari kasunod nito lalo pa at maaga kaming dinismiss sa klase.
Papalapit na kami sa room, at bigla kong narinig ang kantang Sa’yo. Naaalala ko pa rin yung moment na yun noong socials. Matinding pagsisisi raw ang naramdaman mo. Pero kasi naman, sino bang hindi manghihinayang doon? Na sa’yo na, nandiyan na, pinakawalan mo pa. Kaya naintindihan ko na kung bakit sabi mo na hindi mo na papalagpasin ang anomang pagkakataon na darating.
“Ahhhhh, dito. Gets ko na,” naisip ko noong na-figure out ko na kung saan kami patungo. At bigla kong naintindihan. Kung bakit dito, bakit ganito ang pinili mong gawin, at kung bakit ako.
Nandito na. Saktong sakto, kakatapos ko lang din basahin ang huling linya sa lit mo. At sa oras na ito, hindi ko malaman kung anong mararamdaman ko. Parang halo-halo ang lahat ng emosyon. Lahat ng pwedeng maramdaman, naramdaman ko. Parang kasi hindi pa nagsisink in.
Ayan na, binuksan na nila yung pinto.
Pumasok ako ng room, agad kitang nakita. Agad ko ring natandaan ang unang beses nating pumasok dito. Lumabas sa utak ko ang itsura nito dati. Ganoon pa rin, ngunit ngayon, tayong dalawa na lang ang tao dito.
Nakatayo ka, nakangiti. At sa mga sandaling ‘yon, hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Hindi ko kasi inakalang gagawin mo talaga. Alam kong inaasar at pinupush ka ng mga kaibigan ko, pero naisip ko na hanggang doon lang ang lahat.
Lumakad ako palapit sayo. Ang tanging naririnig ko lang ay ang kanta at ang mga boses ng mga kaklase mo sa labas. More than ten years na tayong magkakilala, pero never pumasok sa isip ko na balang araw, gagawin mo ‘to. Ang tagal na kasi nating magkaibigan, as in sobrang tagal na.
Hindi ka nagsalita (o hindi ko lang narinig ang sinabi mo). Hindi rin ako nagsalita (for a while). Tiningnan ko ang paligid at napangiti ako.
Una kong napansin yung banner, kung saan nakasulat yung favorite line mo sa tulang sinulat ko dati. Natuwa ako dahil ikaw ang nagsulat, kahit alam mong may mas igaganda pa ‘yun kung pinasulat mo sa iba. Sobrang na-appreciate ko yun.
May binigay kang flowers. At may nakapatong na pizza sa upuan. Hindi na ko nagtaka kung bakit pizza ang pinili mong ibigay. Lagi ko kasing namemention kapag nag-uusap tayo.
Hindi ko alam kung paano mo ‘to plinano. Yung magpa-excuse nga sa teacher para sa promposal, nakakahiya nang gawin, paano pa kaya yung mga pinagdaanan mo. Hindi ko rin alam kung paano ka nakahanap ng oras para magsulat, magplano at gawin ang lahat. Malapit na kasi yung perio at nakatambak talaga ang requirements na super lapit na ng deadline.
Hindi ka nagsalita, pero alam ko na yung tanong. Ang dami na nating pinagdaanan at sinulat nang magkasama, at dahil dito alam ko na rin ang sagot ko.
Tinignan kita, ngumiti, at sinabing:
“Yes.”
Literary (Submission): 24/7
4:15am
Daybreak
I set my alarm at 4AM, but woke up 15 minutes later
It took three snoozes to convince me
That waking up was necessary
To get to glance at a phenomenon.
I woke up to the shade of the morning
Just to gaze at the sunrise
For the sun reminds me of you
The way you make life brighter or darker than it already is
I fell in love with it in a matter of seconds
Just a few seconds short of the time it took to fall for you
Very much unlike how long it still takes
To get over the little things you do
7:09am
Sunup
Hours after the sun has come up
And the colors of the morning truly set in,
Waking me up from this fantasy
That sleep has woven me into.
The light shines upon your eyes
And makes it look like celestial gold
Similar to this love I have for you
Holy, pure, but never to be told.
The sunbeams drop on every corner of the world
To the most unfathomable depths of the sea,
Yet they always fail to touch my heart
For the only one who could do that has always been you.
5:56pm
Twilight
It's that time when almost everybody falls in love
As the sun that leaves us with darkness
And eventually comes back to us to bring us joy again
And repeats its cycle every day.
But I still don’t get it.
I never thought you could feel the same way twice.
So why do sunsets make me feel the same way
Every single day, time and time again.
I guess it's like how I feel whenever I'm with you,
But all of those are mere memories now.
We had so much to remember
Yet every time I try to think of it, it just hurts.
11:11pm
Whim
All the memories you want to relive,
All the reasons for you to smile,
The moments that remind you of times you were mistaken,
And the things that made you have regrets.
All those moments we were together,
and the promises we said were for forever
and yet here I am with so many regrets,
and if I say so myself, nearly broken.
1:01am
Night
I love this silent hour at night
For blissful dreams may then come to my mind
Where there is only you in sight,
The one I've been longing to see since I woke up
But I need to get some sleep
To escape for a little while
From the thought of everything,
The pain I keep on feeling,
and all the late-night thoughts that haunt me.
And as the darkness sinks in,
It's calling me to sleep.
and so ends a tiring day.
Good night.
And may the stars guide you to our mornings once again.
Literary (Submission): Take Two
I remember the first time you said ‘hi’
And how it hurt when you said ‘goodbye’
How I smiled whenever I heard your name
And how I wished our feelings would be the same
I recall the moment I began it all
And how I left even when I knew I was starting to fall
How I'd wonder if my name ever earned a spot
In your heart that's always worth the long shot
I thought there would be no hope for me
Because being the one you’d love, I thought I’d never be
But here we are now, remembering a memory
Could this still be reality?
For you, there will always be hope even if you can’t see
Because you’re the one, who else would it be?
You tied the broken strings inside of me
And I just want to let you know, it was never a fantasy
I don’t know what to feel
It’s like everything happening is so surreal
Because it’s no longer a ‘once upon a time’
It became a dream come true of mine
Nothing’s ever unreal, it is just unknown that
More things are wrought by love than this world dreams of alone
Even crystal rain falls from the unlit sky
So dreams can come true with the blink of an eye
I never thought I’d be in this reality
The moon has blessed me with sweet serendipity
Even when this galaxy of ours drifts into a black hole
You'll still have this irreplaceable footprint etched onto my soul
Literary (Submission): Once Upon a Regret
When we fell in love with each other, I knew
That loving you is something I will never undo
There was no problem we can’t pass
So I thought that 'til the end, we will last
Now, we’re still together
But I don’t know if it’s the best for one another
I know there’s so much to hold on to
But I have to go on and leave you
He said it’s the best for me
But the reason for our separation is what I can’t see
And what’s the point of leaving for a good cause
When the other half of my heart is lost.
You thought this... this is better?
This... may be worse than believing in forever.
When you finally found the one
You decide to end what we just begun
It’s been a long time since we’ve parted ways
But my heart still beats for you everyday
I admit, I regret leaving you
Because a life without you is something I can never get used to
I’ve been waiting for your return
When to live without you is something I couldn’t learn
But how can you fix my broken heart
When it was also you who tore mine apart
I just wish that I could press rewind
Hoping that you would change your mind
And if you do, we can start over
And make sure that we’ll end the same way we started, together.
Literary (Submission): To my Future Wife , Dear Future Husband
To My Future Wife,
Hello to the woman I choose to marry in the
future—my beautiful, intelligent, hardworking, loyal, music-loving,
poem-writing dream girl. We met in college, freshman year. You were new to the
campus so you asked directions from a complete stranger and luckily, that
stranger was me. Then as I turned and looked into your eyes, instead of
answering your questions, I became lost as well. My mind was thinking of
nothing but you and suddenly my heart was beating faster. Right then and there,
I felt you were the one. I couldn’t tell if you had the same feeling as I had
when I gazed into your eyes. But I saw you laugh most likely at the silly face
I was making while I stupidly stared at you.
Years later, we married because of love,
because we trusted each other like no other. We have a lot of things in common
but we also have a lot of differences which made our love for each other
stronger. And despite the inevitable challenges we’ll face in life, I promise
you that I will make sure that our relationship will be the best thing that
ever happens for us.
Sincerely,
Your Future Husband
Dear Future Husband,
The first time I’ll see you, I won’t think
that you’re the one. I don’t let people in easily. I set up walls and guards
that you’ll have to break through to see the real me, the one who laughs at
nonsense jokes, and the one whose eyes shine when they talk about something
they love. You need to be patient in order to know me. Don’t give up easily
just yet because I’ll know you’re the one when you don’t. It takes so much time
for one to truly get to know someone, and when they do, it’s the best thing
that’ll ever happen to them. Loving can hurt but it can also heal and blossom
into something that you’d die and risk your life for.
I’ll fall in love with your eyes and the
way I view them differently even though it just looks the same to everyone
else. The way you tell me simple stories like how you didn’t answer all the
questions in a test when you were in second grade because you were sad or how
you’re pissed at the kid who didn’t even say thank you. These things and
stories are the ones that’ll keep us close and still in love with each other
every single day for the rest of our married life.
I will marry you because I love you,
really. I’ve learned to love your everything including your flaws. I don’t see
them as mistakes because it makes you who you are. The most heartfelt moment of
my life will probably happen as I walk down the aisle and see you, in tears,
thinking that I’d get to spend my entire life with my best friend, soulmate,
crush, and other things that you are. I promise to be faithful and honest, to
be by your side ‘til the end.
Together, we’ll prove that there’s forever.
Love,
Your Future Wife
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