Ang Aninag Online: MCinContrast

Showing posts with label MCinContrast. Show all posts

You hate traffic.
How dare the roads be still
While your heart travels light years
Away from your ribcage

You hate the sound of horns.
How dare they be as loud
As the thoughts in your head,
My thoughts about you.

I hate you.
How dare you be you,
Forty five minutes away across the city
While I’m stuck in traffic.

Sa totoo lang litong-lito na ako
Di ba ako ang nararapat sa’yo?
Sana hindi na ako lumaban pa
Di na sana ako naiipit sa gitna

Sa gitna ng “ayoko na” at “gusto ko pa”
Sa gitna ng “hanggang dito na lang” at “kakayanin pa”
Sa gitna ng “bahala ka” at “para sa’yo"
Sa gitna ng "bitaw na" at "kapit pa"

Sa gitna ng "suko na ako" at "ipaglalaban kita"
Sa gitna ng "hindi na lang" at "susugal pa"
Sa gitna ng "paalam" at "hatid na kita"
Sa gitna ng "tama na" at "aasa pa"

Sa gitna ng "ang sakit na" at "mahal kasi kita"
Sa gitna ng "pagod na ako" at "kaya ko pa"
Sa gitna ng "ubos na ubos na" at "meron pa"
Sa gitna ng "ako naman" at "ikaw muna"

Sana nalaman ko na ito pala ang kahahantungan
Siguro’y di na sana ika’y nagustuhan
Sana nalaman ko agad na hindi mo ako mahal
Para hindi na ako naiipit sa gitna

Sabi nila bagay raw tayo, kaso hindi kita gusto.
Walang wala ka kasi sa crush kong si James Reid.

Sabi nila hindi raw tayo bagay, pero gustong-gusto kita.

Problema lang di ko kasing gwapo nung crush mong si James Reid.

Sabi nila bagay raw tayo, kaso hindi kita gusto.
Naiirita ako sa sobrang ingay mo.
Para bang lagi kang nagpapapansin sa akin.

Sabi nila hindi raw tayo bagay, pero gustong-gusto kita.

Bahala na kung mapagtripan o mapagalitan.

Mag-iingay pa rin ako hangga’t mapansin mo ako.

Sabi nila bagay raw tayo,kaso hindi talaga kita gusto.
Kahit ilang beses pang titigan ang mga mata ko.
Kahit ilang potchi pa ang ibigay mo sa Araw ng mga Puso.
Patawad pero kaibigan lang talaga ang tingin ko sa’yo.

Sabi nila hindi raw tayo bagay, pero gustong-gusto kita.

Aabangan ko pa rin na magkatagpo ating mga mata.

Bibigyan pa rin kita ng potchi kahit ang Valentines ay tapos na.

Gagawin ko pa rin lahat kahit na alam kong sayo’y olats talaga.

Pero mundo’y sadyang mapaglaro.

Sabi nila hindi mo na raw ako gusto, pero gusto na kita.
Pagtingin mo raw ay naibaling na sa iba.
Ako ba’y sinukuan mo na?

Sabi nila gusto mo na raw ako, pero may gusto na akong iba.

Huli na ang lahat nang ako’y iyong napansin na.

Pero ako’y iyong patawarin, puso ko’y may laman ng iba.

Sabi nila hindi mo na raw ako gusto, pero gusto na kita.
Mga ginawa mo’y hinahanap-hanap ko na.
Pagtingin mo’y maibabalik pa ba?
Relasyong higit sa pagkakaibigan ay pwede pala.

Sabi nila gusto mo na raw ako, pero may gusto na akong iba.

Pasensya na’t mga dating ginagawa sayo’y para sakanya na.

Ngunit ipangako mo sa akin ika’y magiging masaya.

Pangako sayo, ako’y nandito lang lagi para suportahan ka.

Tila ba tayo’y pinaglaruan,
Damdamin nati’y di pinagtagpo ng tadhana.

She works at the 5th floor of the Copperman Building,
Sits near the window, with a view of Blanc Street.

He works at the 5th floor of the Pioneers Building,

Sits near the window, with a view of Blanc Street.

Each day,

They see teenagers riding bikes,

Dogs wearing leashes,

And cars driving by.

She leaves at around 12 PM to get lunch,
And comes back at 1 PM.

He buys lunch at 11 AM,

And returns at 12 PM.

They stare at computer screens,

Drawing figures and solving equations.

They often glance at who’s on the other side,

But they’ve never exchanged numbers.

She loves that bakery on the other side of Blanc.

He’s a regular at the coffee shop on the other side of Blanc.

Then one got thirsty,

And one craved sugar,

Both crossed the pedestrian lane,

And for barely a second,

Their eyes met.

Today, she got off work at 5PM.

Today, he got off work at 5PM.

Normally, she’d call a cab on the way home,
But this time, she took the bus.

He didn’t bring a car today,

He thought that he should try the bus at least once.

The bus stop is on Chester Street,

Right beside Blanc.

They stood next to each other in line,

Shook hands, exchanged names.

They recognized each other,

And for the first time,

They were on the same side.

She always takes the city bus
On her way to work
While he’s content with the subway’s fare
Enjoying the constant awkward smirks

She goes to different vegan shops
And enjoys her Fridays in bars ‘til midnight
While he finds himself in fast-food chains
And reading fictitious novels in cafes

She loves to walk outside in the middle of night
While he loves to watch the sunrise
They loved the city in different sights
Seeing it from two separate sets of eyes

It’s a sad truth that presumably
They were pre-determined
To be with each other
But they never met
Nor saw each other’s faces
Because all the time
They stayed in opposite places

The moment we first met
When I first saw the intensity in your eyes,
I knew I should’ve just ran away and saved myself
Because I knew that you’ll do me no good
But maybe I was just being cynical
So, I did otherwise.

The moment we unfolded
The feelings we’ve been holding back
I knew I didn’t want to commit,
Because I knew that you’ll only break me
But I know I should take chances
So, I let you break my heart.

The moment I got to know
The things you should have been telling me
I knew I should’ve conceded,
Because I knew you’re just deceiving me,
But I know it was just to test us
So, I chose to be strong.

The moment I decided
That I already wanted to leave
I knew I couldn’t take any more of it
Because I knew something was wrong
We couldn’t fix it and I already gave up
But you asked for a second chance
So, I gave it to you and stayed.

The moment I became a pathetic mess
I unwillingly pushed you away
Because I knew you wouldn’t waste your time understanding
And I knew that you’d just go away and leave
But you were the one who pulled me closer,
Held me together and made me whole again.
So, I dismissed my doubts and presumptions.

And then the moment came that I realized
The choices I made were very unlike me.
I knew from the start that you weren’t my type,
Because I know you’d turn my world upside down.
You pushed me out of my comfort zone,
And made me do crazy things
But you showed me the beauty of the other side
And proved to me that all the risks were worth it

Ibinigay ko ang lahat
Tinanggap mong buong-buo
Hawak na kita nang mahigpit na mahigpit
Ngunit pinili mong bumitaw
Nagdesisyong palayain
Pusong iyong binihag
Sinubukang pagdugtungin muli
Pinutol mo nang tuluyan
Bakit? Bakit mo nagawa?
Iniisip ko araw-araw hanggang sa bukang liwayway
Habang ika’y nananaginip takipsilim pa lamang
Mula sa pagiging matalik na magkaibigan
Itinatak mo sa aking isa na akong kaaway
Taon ang pinalipas upang makalimutan
Upang ‘wag nang alalahanin’t tuluyan nang iwanan
Isinumbat mo pagkatapos ng ilang taon mula noon
“Maari ba kitang balikan?”
Kay sarap mong tawanan habang umiiyak sa’king harapan
Oo, mahal kita…
Noon.

Hindi na kita mahal ngayon.

In casual conversation and mundane routines,
I couldn't help but feel the dirt clinging to my skin.

I have tried to pry myself away from this mire,
To shed the tainted skin that hang on my bones.

For when once, I showed you
All of my filth, and grunge, and grime,

You then took your leave.

And ever since then it felt
As if I could never be washed clean again.

He bids you hello, with smiles from left to right
He never fails to make the day bright
To be with him just feels so light
He just makes everyone feel alright

The joyous man filled with fantasy
Said something with ecstasy,
"Success is not the key to happiness.
Happiness is the key to success."

His smile never fades,
Not knowing his heart's a grenade,
Waiting to explode promptly
With all the madness he treated fondly

When he's not in sight,
No one knows the real fight
There are tears beneath the joy,
Deep sadness within the boy

He had happiness for a living,
But deep inside he's slowly dying
That never stopped him from fighting,
Each day still resiliently smiling

The one thing that left me crying
Was when everything was falling
No one even tried caring
Because no one knew anything

The happiest man on the outside
Was loneliest on the inside
For the real life is from within
Not from the forged grin

“Hindi na kita mahal”
Apat na salita
Pinakamasakit na mga kataga
Na dumurog sa aking puso

“Ayoko na”
Dalawang salita
Nagpapahiwatig na itigil na
Nagpapahayag na sumusuko na

“Paalam”
Isang salita
Tapos na
Wala na
Wala ka na

Kabisado ko pa
Ang mga salitang
Binitawan mo
Nang gabing
Nilisan mo ako
Ang tayo ay muling naging ikaw at ako
Ang nagmamahal ay muling nag-isa

Pero natatandaan mo ba
Ang tanging isinagot ko sa iyo?

Patlang
Wala
Blanko

Patlang na lang ang tanging makikita sa aking mukha
Wala nang mabigkas pa maski isang salita
Blanko ang nararamdaman ng aking puso at isipan

Pero masasabi kong
Ang katahimikan na isinagot ko sa iyo
Ay mas masakit pa sa “Hindi na kita mahal”
Ay mas mapait pa sa “Ayoko na”
Ay mas higit pa sa “Paalam”

Ang nakakabinging katahimikan ko
Ang tanging maigaganti ko sa iyo
Ang huling bagay na ibibigay ko sa iyo

Ang tangi at huling bagay na nararapat para sa iyo

A-L-A-A-L-A

Mga Una at Huli

Nanatili sa bawat isa

Mga salitang di masabi-sabi

Nag-iwan ng marka, sa puso at isipan

Mga bagay na dapat ipinaglaban

Mga letrang baliktarin mo man

Ay patuloy na mananatiling

Nasa anyo ng salitang ,

A-L-A-A-L-A

There is a visible invisibility

One which exists

But barely

One who is there

But who isn’t really

The sly whisper

The anonymous voice

Who calls out the name

Of nobody

A terrible swiftness

As if the accomplice of silence itself

An idle shadow

Blending in

Unnoticed

But noticeable

Visible

But invisible

He was of visible invisibility

She was of visible invisibility

I knew her

I knew him

But barely

I am

of visible invisibility

In your world

In your universe

I am nobody

170415
I have avoided discussing this for a very long time, and yet it has always been on my mind.
Not because I find the subject difficult, or that my thoughts about it are still in disarray. I do not even lack the reason nor the inspiration to do so.
It is quite the contrary. Change is just dangerous to write about.
I find myself scared of how I might lose my way in the dense thicket of our history, how I might, again, fall into the pitfalls of our past and never find my way back out.
In the same manner, I find myself in awe of how far we have travelled through the labyrinth that is love, how we, again, have risen above the tempests that have raged on with our brave voyage.
Finally, I feel at ease, as I have found something permanent, unchanging.
I need to tell you what it is.
Words find me.

-----

“The difference between.”

How is it possible

That in the face of the worst

One still changes for the better?

I used to look away and cower

At the thought of the past

Of what I have done

Of what once was

And yet

I now stare, proud and fearless

Into the face of the future

Of what will be done

Of what forever is

How is it possible

That in hopeless darkness

One still finds the light?

I used to find myself utterly lost

In a world that defied me

Every sight, terrible

Every step, agony

And yet

I now march, straight and true

In a world that guides me

Every sight, beautiful

Every step, bliss

How is it possible for me

When everything was cold and bleak

To find everything warm and bright

In you?

apparently,
women are blessed
with the privilege to tread
savage paths tamed
by manly and macho men,
that we are dainty damsels –
fussy, feeble, fragile, frail
everything that’s not
to be identified with the
glorious capable men.

apparently,
we are lesser beings
incapable of taming
our own savage paths
whose only consolation
is to be set up right under
the pedestal of our fathers
and sons and husbands
whose images we glorify
by the ladylike graces
our womanhood exudes
as if we are prized possessions
thanks to our extolled graces
as if our identity
can never go beyond
this wretched femininity

and we laugh at your faces
as we step on the ideals
you’ve long locked us in.
watch us crush mountains
of your vile prejudices
for here lies in our wombs
a universe infinitely more virtuous
than this one ruled
by wild and primitive beasts

but don’t you worry
our wombs
shall not bear to rule.
we come in peace
to reclaim our throne
long corrupted and defamed
but is now finding its way
back to its rightful place –
beside you.

The Leader Pattern

Bring in a leader, who can win the heart of masses,
Then divide the nation to different social classes.
Limit their rights as they slowly bathe in despair
Make them suffer while they’re still unaware.

By the time they realize what’s going on,
Take no guilt and blame it to the bygone.
Now flash a smile and keep the issue silent,
Tone it down before they become violent.

If it doesn’t work then change your goal,
Spread some fright and take control.
Until the day the masses will take no more,
And hopefully start their awaited uproar.

A large group of scorned will come together,
And the daunted will imitate to feel safer.
They’ll ruin the leader they strongly hated,
With the words, stones and lies they created.

Once the feud’s over the nation will raise their glasses,
Then bring in a leader who won the heart of masses.

The Fractured Hourglass

Bring on the leader who lost the nation’s good graces

Who turned his back on our land of different colors and faces

He may antagonize, demoralize, and give us the end of the rope

Our desolation is key to unchain hope

See, don’t hastily believe, and seek the truth

The guilt of on-lookers, no fancy words will soothe

Brandish a grin as you voice it out loud

See him shake in the power of a woken crowd

If it doesn’t work, then what better reason to work harder

His eagerness to deceive must be met with challenging ardor

Because we, the people will take no more

Get up and ask them, “Wasn’t there an oath you swore?”

But it doesn’t end with just one dreadful person

Society’s veins are corrupted with despair’s poison

They’ll ruin each other, thinking that they’re with us in this fight

When the “plans” they “planned” for the nation, never saw daylight

This cycle’s outworn, the sand’s out from the hourglasses

It’s time to bring in people who’ll be the hope of the masses

'And we lived happily ever after...'
Or so I thought.
Our flame seemed to falter
No matter how much I fought

I did all that I could
So I wouldn't lose 'the one'
I tried to be that someone in your plan
Turns out, it's easier said than done

It was my fault, too
I know that now
But there are things I simply can't do
That is something you must know

The promises you asked of me
Left unfulfilled in the great expanse
But how was that to be
When you won't even give me a chance

I just wanted to tell you
That I loved you until the end
But we simply couldn't make do,
The rift was just too big to mend

Let the past be forgotten in the night
For I've found happiness,
I've found a new light
To guide me through the darkness

I thought I would be happy at last
But a feeling just wouldn't waver
I can't help think that it was too fast
Now I'm more confused than ever

I always worry...
I don't want to face the uneasy end
All I can say is "Sorry,
But all we can be is friends."

April. Though it was summer, it was pouring hard; a typhoon was in the forecast. The smell of petrichor goes along with the humid summer air. There I stood, under a shed, holding a closed umbrella on my left and a hand on my right. I was enthralled by the sound of raindrops falling on the galvanized iron sheets of the shed. The tiny drops would come together and fall down from the roof, like water coming out of a nozzle. And as they crash down the floor, they’d break into little droplets again.

I was staring at the rain for too long, until you held my hand tighter, “Observing things around you again, aren’t you?” You knew me too well. “Sorry for asking you out on a rainy day,” I responded, “I’ll take you to your place.” And that was when the bus arrived.

“Another spontaneous date again this time, isn’t it?” Together with a faint laugh and smile. It was our second year together. We didn’t mind what we were doing anyway. We laughed out loud in cafes sipping cold coffee. We slept in movie houses, only waking up at the end of the film. We tried baking at your house, but burnt every single cookie. Everything was fine as long as it was with you, even the simple bus rides home.

You wouldn’t let me sit by the window side, I’d daydream. And when you’re the one taking that spot, you’d doze off. The latter was favorable. With my arms around your shoulder, I’d pull you closer to my chest as you fall into deep slumber. With you so close to me, I’d be able to appreciate even the smallest details of your entirety. From the scent of your hair that smells of lavender shampoo, your rosy cheeks that complements your fair skin, your hands so soft and smooth, the tips of your long eyelashes, even the small whispers you make while you’re asleep. Funny how I observed all of these; that’s what you get for not letting me sit by the window side.

Those trips were too short for me to know you even more. Once the bus halts, we’d alight and walk hand in hand down to your place; it was time for us to part. A kiss on the cheek, a smile from a heavy-eyed face, and a sweet adieu from your lips. After a long day, I was alone again, and no clues brought me to think that it would last for a long time.

“I’m tired of everything,” the last thing you said. I thought you didn’t mind our spontaneous dates, the awkward silences. I thought you appreciated the little things, the simple bus rides home. I was too complacent to notice, that I was the only one who loved them.

I tried going on the same trail you’re travelling so that we’d be walking down the same path, down the same aisle in the future. We did, but now we’ve hit a fork on the road, leading us to the separate worlds we’ve been before. We rode the same bus home, but still, at some point we had to part.

September. A season for stronger storms. Everyone was rushing to get a ride home. I stood under a shed holding a closed umbrella on my left, and nothing on my right. Again, I watched the raindrops fall down the roof, long until the bus arrives. As I board, I sat down in a seat by the window side. I gazed at the seats across mine, and to my surprise there was a girl who sat by the window side together with a guy who embraced her to his chest.

Yes, there you go. You took the new trail and moved along faster and easier, while I was still stuck on the fork, trying to know which path to take.

Noong una pa lang
Alam na nating sadyang tayo’y magkaiba
Sa pag-ibig-
Praktikal ka.
Ayaw mo ng mga rosas
Katwiran mo’y sayang ang pera,
Pagkat di nakakain.

Romantiko ako.
Mapupulang rosas ang pinipili para sa iyo
Pagkat kadalisayan ng mga bulaklak
Nakakahawig ng pag-ibig ko sa iyo

Realistiko ka
Mas gusto mong uminom ng kape
Iyong nagtatalo ang tamis at pait sa umaga
At kapag mga huling patak na
Nagtatalo na ang asim at pait
Pagkat ang magmahal at magsama ay may tamis at kapaitan

Ideyalistiko ako
Mas gusto kong uminom ng gatas
Iyong matamis na inumin
Walang pait, Walang asim
At sa huling patak na
Hindi nagtatalo ang asim at pait
Pagkat ang tunay na nagmamahal
Pinapangibabaw ang saya ng nagsasama
Hindi alintana ang pait, ang asim
Pagkat ang tamis ng pag-ibig ay sapat na

Ngunit sa lahat, may isang bagay tayong
Higit na ipinagkaiba :

Lumaban ako.
Ipinaglaban kita.
Mahal kita.
Sumuko ka.
Iniwan mo ako.
Wala nang pagmamahal ang katwiran mo

Pero kahit na ganoon,
Nakatatawang isipin na minahal kita.
Minahal nga pala kita.

Would you fight?
Would you stay?
In a love that you hunger after
The love that you never felt with anyone before
Where time goes fast even when you’re just staring at it
It is a love that takes you to different places
Unending adventures
And enigmatic joy
Would you fight?
Would you stay?
With love that keeps you like a dirty little secret
The love that gives you time- just the remainder, rather
Who can’t hold your hand amidst the crowd
And whispers “I love you, I’ll just call you later.”
It is a love that you don’t deserve
It will just burn your heart out later
Would you fight?
Would you stay?
If you know that the joy with love
And the joy with pain
Is just one and the same?

Literary (Submission): On My Way

Literary (Submission): Naipit ako sa Gitna

Literary (Submission): Salisihan sa Pag-ibig

Literary: Blanc

Literary: Out of their Way

Literary: Those Moments

Literary: Noon at Ngayon

Literary: Grime

Literary: The Real Life from Within

Literary: Katahimikan

Literary: Palindromiya

Literary: A Visible Invisibility

Literary: Delta

Literary: Our Rightful Place

Literary: The Leader Pattern x The Fractured Hourglass

Comic Strip: Tanawin

Literary: Just Friends

Literary: Fork

Literary: Magkaiba Tayo

Literary: Same

Welcome

Featured Post

Going online in 3... 2...

Blog Archive