Ang Aninag Online: privia

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In life,
I was once a liar

I had no guts
To say the truth
Words entangled
And words never uttered
Promises unfulfilled
And promises shattered

Yet in writing,
I have found my freedom

A voice to shout
For love always kept
An ink to cry
For eyes that never wept
A pen to scribe
Life's favourite bliss
A paper to be filled
With eternal memories

I thank you
For being the light
To cast the shadows
And emancipating the truth

My only wish
Is that I have left a mark on you
Just as you
Have left a legacy on mine

(Nod to Privia’s first lit: Liar)

A Whole New World
Closer to the stars
Far from down below
A prince once took me
To a world I ought to know

Part of Your World

Up in the sky

And under the sea

Anywhere by your side

Is where my heart longs to be

Sky Full of Lanterns

And if in this journey

Should our way ever be lost

Hope and pray the light never falters

And it would guide us back to one another

Before Midnight
Stars will dwindle
And spells may die
A dance out of beat
Is a dance out of time

Withered Rose

With true love it has been showered

Nonetheless the flower withered

To resist is futile, we must resign

For this is fate’s inevitable design

Set Sail

Wave by wave, with the stars to navigate

Uncertainties across the horizon await

On my own ship I shall set sail

Looking forward to what destiny will unveil

Braveheart
Like an arrow primed for passage
This heart has been readied for voyage
Without a prince I’ll find bliss
To prove that happiness is not just from a kiss

Wish on a Star

Though I may not be your knight

My wish for you remains

To find a love just and right

And a refuge through the night

Once Upon a Dream

A fairytale pure and grand

In reality I’ll have to unhand

The wonders of a love one of a kind

Will never leave my dreams and mind

I have captured stills that are arbitrary
Photos taken from different sceneries

A camera with wasted films;

A sun nearing dusk;

A simple bracelet;

A flower that has withered;

A coffee turned cold;

A book read a hundred times;

In wondering what these photos missed,
I have found the missing piece

A book read a hundred times
With the hope that our chapter never ends

A coffee turned cold
Yet the warmth of your love remained

A flower that withered;
Yet you made me bloom

A simple bracelet
Which binds us together

A sun nearing dusk
And the dawning of our dance

A camera with wasted films
Which still captured these cherished memories

Arbitrary stills and shots devoid of color
You are the subject I have been searching for

I have always made
Rash decisions I would soon rue

Spending time lazing
Than on work I have to do

Wearing white shoes
During the harsh season of rain

Forgetting my umbrella
Getting drenched, to my disdain

Leaving too late
Having the door shut in my face

Being careless with my things
And losing them, leaving no trace

I have always made
Rash decisions I would rather forget

But loving you
Is the one thing I shall never regret

Forgive me for I have sinned

I repent all my mistakes

Absolve me for the wrong I’ve done

Forgive my words that turned to spears

That pierced the heart of others

Forgive my actions which I did

For my own selfish reasons

Forgive my cowardice to stop

What is already long overdue

And forgive me

For still saying I love you

When these words have lost their meaning

We always had our differences

You would start your day with tea
Two spoons of sugar and a few drops of milk
And I would start mine with a cup of coffee
Black, no sugar, bitter, as shiny as silk

In the afternoon, your energy didn’t dip
And to think, it was I who drank coffee
We’d always fight as I’d like to sleep
But you’d wake me with your relentless energy

At night, you’d prefer to rest early
As you would need to get up in the morning
But the caffeine’s effects linger surely
As I would pull you to go out stargazing

Yes, you and I are nothing alike
We have our differences, like night and day
But it’s how we compromise, love, and stay
And I wouldn’t have it any other way

She is perfection
     Of auburn hair and jet-black eyes
     Of grace, poise, and elegance
     Complemented with the perfect smile

She is the first sight
     I look for in the morning
     The eyes I shyly search for in the middle of the day
     And the last one I remember as I fall asleep

She is the brightest star
Radiating in the celestial sky
     The moon pales to her in comparison
     And outdoes the others with her incandescent light

She is all the seasons in one
     The vibrant spring and summer
     The reticence of winter
     The magic of autumn

And she is love
     In all its forms and metaphors
     And I hope she is the one with me
     From now, 'til the end of life’s journey

Tomorrow

It all depends on what I do tomorrow
The clock’s hands were tired from turning
Urging me to make a move and for you to notice
How badly I want you to know

It all depends on what I do today
Gathering up all my courage
To finally talk to you
I promise to not allow myself another delay

It all depends on what I do later
My hands are all clammy from the thought
Of you passing the same space as mine
Fear or regret? Which one weighs heavier?

It all depends on what I do in a few second’s time
I see you, a few meters ahead of me
Inch by inch I walk forward
Closer and closer still, I feel like I’m at my prime

Finally…. You walked away
Both our backs are facing each other now
A single word I can’t even utter
Once again, today’s not the day

All those self-encouragements were just for show
I cannot count the number of times I practiced
But I still can’t say a simple “hello”
Maybe I’ll just try again tomorrow

Yesterday

It all depended on what you did yesterday

The clocks’ hands were witnesses

Of how a promise can end so easily

And how everything dissolved so suddenly

It all depended on what you did on that day

When you said you needed some space

I promised I’d wait for the time

When both of our stars would align

It all depended on what you did earlier

Your silhouette I see in every corridor

You keep running on my mind, day by day

And now, you are just a few meters away

It all depended on what you did a few seconds ago

You passed by as if I were nothing

As if you forgot our love once great

Which ended under its own weight

It was not the first time

That our backs were facing each other

With a heart left midair

It’s hard pretending not to care

When you pass by again

Please, do not utter a single “hello”

This heart is tired from loving uncertainties

All it wishes for is to let you go

Of all the smiles I’ve seen
Yours was the loveliest

Of all memories I gained
Time with you was the sweetest

Of all the stories I told
Ours was my favorite

Of all the chances I took
You were the one I had to miss

Of all the silences I heard
Yours was the most deafening

Of all the rejections I received
Yours was the hardest

Of all my regrets
You were the biggest

Of all the people I loved
I loved you the most

I waited
For my heart to mend

I searched

For someone to love

But I never knew

I would find my answer in you

I was always looking
Towards the wrong direction

I was giving my attention

To the wrong person

The years that passed

Were not for our dance

As fate never gave

Two lovers their chance

Perhaps it’s for the best
As we were too young back then

Perhaps it’s for the best

As my heart used to be burdened

You were always there

But you were never a part of my story

But now, with you
I found the perfect harmony

But now, with you

My heart found tranquility

The stars have aligned

For this perfect love at this perfect time

I thank the universe
For letting us meet

I thank the universe

For making me complete

End of Summer Vacation

A new day, a new beginning

It’s been too long since I last saw you

Four months of silence

Four months in the air

Four months of waiting for you to care

Too shy to converse
Too shy to talk first

Too scared to look for a clue

That somehow, you liked me too

So I yearned for classes to return

As to see you again, was my only concern

Halloween

I promised myself I had to be the first

To approach and not wait for a cue

I turned looks to words
And words to sentences

I made an effort to speak to you

With more than just phrases

Time flew and moments together were now a routine

Now I’m here deciding what to be for Halloween

Oh whatever, I’ll just be something cliché
The foolhardy hero of a well-known play

I shall depict that of a fair lady

The naive heroine of a classic tragedy

And as if it were a plot of destiny

Star-crossed lovers, we portrayed unknowingly

Christmas

Yuletide season is now coming up

Time for joy and time for cheer

I invited you on one memorable Christmas Eve
This is my chance to wear my heart on my sleeve

You asked me out, to see the lantern’s glow

I accepted, without knowing what’s to follow

And so we agreed to meet together

Just the two of us under the celestial sky

I asked with all my might
For you to be my partner for one special night

Flustered, I lost all my finesse

Still shy, I boldly answered yes

My happiness, I tried to contain

But the beating of my heart, I cannot restrain

New Year

A new year, a new chapter

I thought everything would be happy ever after

I tried reaching out, but you left my message unseen
Wondering where I went wrong, staring at the screen

I’m sorry, I did mean to answer

It just took too long, so I thought it didn’t matter

Hours turned to days turned to weeks

The memories we made, now turned bleak

Valentine’s

This is the night we’ve been waiting for

To restore the connection we lost

I want to ask for a dance so badly
But you’re there, enjoying someone else’s company

Cause you’d rather stand there, staring elsewhere,

So I tried to laugh and show that I didn’t care

I’ve been waiting

For something to happen

But the rose for you gradually withered
Along with the trickle of time

My hope faded, little by little

My patience vanished while waiting for your sign

And before I knew it, the last dance ended

My pride won, we left and parted

April Fool’s Day

We have avoided each other ever since

Back to secret gazes, wordless but longing

I was willing to wait for all of eternity
Up until now, I never questioned your sincerity

I was just a fool who trusted in you

Hanging onto every word, as if they were true

I know I was never worthy of you

But I still tried and did my best

For a moment, I thought I was enough
But you found someone else to believe your bluff

You seem like you’re unaffected

It was just a game for you, I suspected

Maybe this was your plan from the start

Congratulations, you played with my heart.

One look,
One peek
With all the courage
I can muster

One look,
One glance
Your eyes
Leave me entranced

One wave
One greeting
Makes this life
Worth living

With your simple voice
A single "hello"
Had me love-struck
From head-to-toe

A single smile
I received
The beating of my heart
To you I cede

Our briefest encounters
Leave my nights sleepless
Your entire being
Leaves my soul speechless

You and I

Souls separated

Between multiple galaxies

Lovers

Shackled

By the pull of gravity

Though the journey

From the earth to the stars

Is a road riddled with difficulty

I shall fight

Wholeheartedly

And prevail through any adversity

For nothing

Shall satisfy this heart’s longing

Than to be up in the cradle of stars

Together with you, for all eternity

“Non est ad astra mollis e terris via”

I promise
To forget
All those times
We have spent together
To bid goodbye to my memories of forever.

I promise
To throw away
Those little mementos
Of you that I keep near
All of which reminds me how much I hold you dear.

I promise
To move on
And to stop fighting
For a love that is unrequited
To let you go is what I have reluctantly decided.

To stand firm
With these promises
I cannot do.

For promises made
With only half the heart
Are promises
Which are meant to be broken.

As you rush forward leaving only your silhouette in your wake,
I am left here constantly reminded of the places we'll never see:

A solemn glade
Which we visit at night, illuminated by countless fireflies
Whose lights symbolize memories of you I hold dear.

A joyous concert
Where, as we were serenaded by the angelic choir
You shyly rested your weary head upon my shoulder.

A pleasant park
Where children's dreams are yet to be known
I smile as I hold your hand for my dream has been realized.

Yet, the only option that I have is to walk back and forth across the hallway
To have a glimpse of you with him
Just to pour salt on my wounds a little bit more
For it to heal it faster

I would have brought you to a thousand different places
If only you gave my love a chance.

Nalalapit na ang araw ng mga puso.

Maaari bang maging “tayo?”

Nagdadalawang isip kung sasabihin sa’yo.

Paano ko sasabihin?
Paano ba aamin?

Naguguluhan at nag-aalangan,

Kung pareho ba tayo ng nararamdaman.

Takot na ako’y iwanan,
Mababalewala ang pinagsamahan.

Takot na muling masaktan,

Huwag nang ibalik ang nakaraan.

Loob ko’y patatatagin.

Ako nama’y maghihintay pa rin.

Naghahandang ika’y tanungin.

Pagkakataong ito’y hindi sasayangin.

Magbabaka sakaling,

Ako’y mahal mo rin.

A Chemistry
Indigothinker

Where would I be
Within your realms of science?
Would I be the constant
Whose worth would never change?
Would I have a value
That’s solely mine to hold
In your heart that has only ever known
How to beat steadily
To keep oneself whole?

Where would the logic be
On how two strangers came to be
Was it a fixed matter
To prevent an entropy
On the reasoning of mankind’s destiny?

Though time will exhaust its possibilities
Though it is never extending in its probabilities
Though these humans let the fickle mind decide
Though they choose to give up
What’s settled for what’s finite

In the relative present
Of this space and its time
In this continuum
Weaved from units of life
Please hear out my universal truth
Love is a science I want to teach you.

A Theory

Privia

Newton once stated

What has been put into motion

Will stay in motion unless

An external force acts upon it

But none is strong enough

To hinder my feelings for you

As it has accelerated

To unstoppable velocity

Was it written in the stars

That we were destined to meet?

Entering an event horizon,

Spiraling towards the singularity

To be put under love's infinite gravity

Though a comet will soon lose its tail

Though asteroids will eventually collide

Though some constellations will be distant memories

Though the sun will burst inevitably

Ceasing all life on earth

In this arbitrary universe

Of ever-changing principles and rules

Science cannot explain

How love moves

Yet forever is a theory

I wish to prove

Happy endings happen not only in films
My mind and heart to you I promise
Endless Love, to you I will give
Like romances in the movies

500 Days of Summer spent thinking of you --
To your eyes, your lips, your smile, I surrender
Every moment is A Walk to Remember
Bringing out The Best of Me when we’re together

You complete who I am
Attuning me to the perfect frequency
Just like how Music and Lyrics complement,
Lost without the other’s company

If we are to be Romeo and Juliet—
Lovers separated by destiny,
Perhaps it is The Fault in our Stars
That we are not meant to be

But If I Stay with enough conviction
Battling fate's unfair decision,
And be deemed Like Crazy by all
Will that suffice to win your admiration?

For to adore you is to Begin Again
To banish the chains of insecurity
A life living in The Spectacular Now
To cherish you for all of eternity

But as they say,
Love Actually is all around
Hidden as it may be
It never dies, just waiting to be found

And when the moment has arrived
That we must both bid adieu
Always remember my dear,
P.S. I Love You

Nagmahal
Nararapat ba ako sa’yo?
Nararapat din ba ang aking nararamdaman?
Ngunit kahit naguguluhan, aasa at aasa pa rin sa "tayo".
Basta itong aking nararamdaman ay aking ipaglalaban.

Nagmamahal

Ako ay nangangamba dahil sa pag-ibig,

Pag-ibig na sa dulo alam kong ako'y masasaktan.

Sapagkat ang puso mo'y pinapatibok ng iba

Ngunit, nais ko pa ring ipaglaban itong aking nararamdaman.

Pinaasa
Bakit mo ako iniwan? Bakit ba ako umasa?!
Ipinaramdam mong minahal mo ako,
Ngunit iiwan mo lang ako, isa kang paasa!
Pinalitan mo na lang ako nang bigla-biglaan,
Pero paano na ang iyong mga pangako?!

Nagpaasa

Nagparamdam sa'yo ng isang huwad na pag-ibig.

Gumuho ang iyong munting daigdig,

Kahit na ang aking tunay damdamin ay hindi mo napapansin.

Noong ikaw ay iniwan,

Ang aking puso ay nasaktan rin naman.

Bitter
Malaking bakas ng sakit ang iniwan,
Sa taong akala ko'y bubuo sa aking pangarap
Ngunit iniwan niya lamang sa pusong kanyang ginamit at sinugatan.
Isang aral para sa akin, na tumigil at huwag nang muli pang umasa

Sweet

Ikaw ay iniwang luhaan, ang iyong puso’y sugatan.

Ako sana ay iyong bigyan ng pagkakataon para ipakita ang tunay na nararamdaman.

Hinding hindi, kahit minsan, ikaw ay aking iiwanan.

Narito ako, handang maghintay, magpakailanman.

Masakit at mahirap kalimutan,
Di man tuluyang nakakabangon,
Unti-unting aking susubukan,
Upang muling umibig at umahon.

Nanggaling ka sa masalimuot na nakaraan.

Malambot mong puso ay nasaktan,

Dahil sa isang pag-ibig na nagwakas nang biglaan.

Ikaw ay takot na muling umibig nang magpakailanman.

Ang umibig kung minsa’y sadyang kay pait

Kapag iniwan ang pusong pira-piraso.

Tila isa rin itong tsokolateng dating kaypait na nagiging katamis kung pinuno ng pagmamahal

Kung ang pagsinta ay handang maghintay at magtiis

Tick tock tick tock

It’s midnight, twelve o’clock

I can finally go to sleep

Into the world of dreams, I shall leap

And like I expected

You were there

And with just a simple glance

My knees tremble with a weakened stance

I never dreamed how it could be

But there you were, so close to me

You gently asked me to close my eyes

So I did

I was waiting for something to happen…

Waiting…

Until I realized…

Slowly…

Surely…

Spiraling into consciousness

Something happened to that beautiful dream

I opened my eyes, you were far away

The pleasant meadow became a barren wasteland

I can see you in the distance

Why did you leave, o, Alice of my Wonderland?

I look forward to the next time

The sun would say goodbye with a dainty kiss

And the night would approach us

With the moon ready to trap us in her solemn lips

Because that is the only time

I’ll be able to spend with you

Be it a dream or a nightmare

My mind and my heart will never care

For you are the kind of nightmare

I never want to wake up from

Literary: Soothsayer

Literary: Once Upon a Dream

Literary: Polaroids

Literary: Regrets

Literary: Penance

Literary: It’s the Differences

Literary: She Is

Literary: Tomorrow x Yesterday

Literary: Maxime

Literary: The Waltz in our Stars

Literary: Ephemeral

Literary: Speechless

Literary: Ad Astra

Literary: A Broken Promise

Literary: Places We'll Never See

Literary: Baka Sakali

Literary: A Chemistry x A Theory

Literary: Chick Flicks

Literary: Bittersweet

Literary: Beautiful Nightmare

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