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Opinion: Divorce is Not the Answer
Photo Credits: Joshua Sales
The Philippines is one of the only two remaining countries that still haven’t legalized a law favoring divorce among married couples. But recently, a committee in the House of Representatives approved in principle the Marriage Dissolution Bill, a measure equivalent to divorce in other countries.
The Marriage Dissolution Bill is the consolidation of the three divorce bills which are House Bills 100, 838, and 2263. These were consolidated by a technical working group led by Albay Rep. Edcel Lagman. You can find these bills in http://www.congress.gov.ph/legisdocs/
“These (bills) should be prioritized and may be disposed of as matters already reported, upon the approval of the majority of the members of the committee present, there being a quorum,” Lagman said.
But what could possibly happen if divorce is legalized in our country? What kind of effects will it bring? Will it be good or bad? Before we discuss these things, let us first define what divorce is.
According to UpCounsel, an online marketplace for legal services, the legal definition of divorce is “the dissolution of a marriage contracted between a man and a woman, by the judgment of a court of competent jurisdiction, or by an act of the legislature.” In short, divorce means putting an end to an existing marriage.
There are a lot of reasons why couples would file for a divorce such as infidelity, financial problems, lack of intimacy, and domestic abuse. For some, divorce is a way to get out of situations where they encounter problems like these. It could be something helpful for the Filipinos since the idea of divorce is a sort of "rebirth" in life for them.
But this master key solution to almost all relationship problems can also be used as a key to escape from the chains of responsibility. Divorce can be a surefire solution to end problems in one’s relationship but that doesn’t mean it is a good solution. It may also have negative effects.
The first consequence is that divorce can be abused; it can be used as a fast quit button for a marital relationship. When compared to legal separation, divorce is easier because it has looser qualifications. There may be couples who file for divorce just because they experience few inconveniences in their married life. In fact, a common reason why people file for divorce is weight gain. What, then, does that mean? According to Shellie Warren, a life coach and a blogger on marriage.com, gaining weight causes the other spouse to be less physically attracted to his/her spouse. For others, weight gain takes a toll on self-esteem, which trickles into issues with intimacy, another possible cause for divorce. Couples having these kinds of problems can simply get divorced because it’s an easy option for them.
The second consequence is somewhat connected to the first one. As mentioned, divorce can be used as a fast quit button, and in that it could devalue the name of marriage. If divorce is legalized in the country, this can affect the future generation's perspective on marriage. They could place less value on marriage and believe that marrying somebody is only a slightly higher level of relationship than being someone’s boyfriend or a girlfriend. They could enter a marriage and quit it in an instant because they are confident that divorce would get rid of the conflict between them and their spouse.
The third consequence is that it may negatively impact the children of the divorced couple. Once a couple is divorced, the psychological effect the divorce has on the child will have a lasting effect on his or her mental development. In a study done by Brian M. D’Onofrio, a PhD graduate from Indiana University, USA, it was found that parental separation or divorce is associated with increased risk for numerous psychological, academic, and social problems throughout the life course of a child.
The last reason why divorce is not necessarily a good solution is that divorce doesn’t guarantee a happy second chance. A study from Chicago revealed that “divorce has a lingering, detrimental impact on health that even remarriage cannot fully repair.” The study added that divorcees who remarry had 12% more chronic health conditions, which was slightly less than the 20% for the divorced or widowed who did not remarry. According to researcher Dr. Linda Waite, a sociologist at the University of Chicago, income drops and stress develops during divorce or widowhood.
Some might argue that divorce is used to escape domestic abuse, but statistics suggest that divorce does not really solve this problem. In the Philippines, an average of 19 people become victims of marital violence every day while in the US, an average of 20 people are victims of intimate partner violence every minute. That is 1,515 times more domestic abuse victims than the Philippines. While the US has a greater population and better documentation, it shows that even with divorce available, domestic abuse still continues to happen.
At the end of the day, if a couple really wishes to be separated from each other, there are alternatives to divorce, such as annulment and legal separation. These two alternatives are less likely to be abused because annulment can only be used for special situations such as fraud and impotency. As for legal separation, according to Article 63 of the Family Code of the Philippines, you cannot remarry after filing for it. While it is true that these alternatives are expensive, this could persuade people to take marriage a lot more seriously and choose their partners for life more carefully.
In the end, divorce could be a good answer but it shouldn't be used if the marriage isn’t even problematic. So before it reaches that point, one should not rush towards marriage and make sure to be familiar with the person that will be your lifelong partner. Even if the divorce bill is legalized, lawmakers should put rules so that only the people who really need it can file for it. //by Simon Delfinado
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