astraea,
I don't feel like I own the body I've been given
It has been carved not in the way I want it to be
Even if I tailor it the way I see fit
My body still could not match
This soul that dreams to dance
As I gaze upon the mirror I'm greeted by the sight
Of a short stature with thick bones and
Of skin draping a little too tight
Around layers of disproportionate muscles and bones
Cruel reminders that I could never achieve
The lithe aesthetic that defines ballet
I watch other dancers with a mixture of reverence and jealousy
As I know I'm way too far from being like them
Next to their elegant precision, I am a blur of motion
If they are the embodiments of ballet's ethereality,
I am the lack of it
I wonder how easy it would have been to move as enchanting as them
If I had even just a fraction of their perfect bodies
But on stage, where it should have only been
Me and the music in harmonious concert
I become lost as I feel the discouraging look of the director upon me
A look that seared through my hopes in dancing
My spirit drowns further into the depths of dismay
As another barrier presents its way to set me off course from my goal
A foot injury, caused by too much weight on my toes
Becomes a weight on my shoulders
Shoulders that are too high and tense
There's tension in my movements that makes me look
As if I'm carrying a burden on my chest
The chest which I wish were more prominent
But was already too protuberant for ballet
I've learned to hate this body
But no matter how much I physically burn myself out
No matter how less I eat
I couldn't change this flawed body
Since then I've spent my days in cycles of
Dancing, aching, drowning
Dancing, aching, hoping
Dancing, aching, trying
I tried to pursue other art forms
But my heart keeps on finding its way back to dancing
What am I supposed to do with this stubborn heart?
What am I supposed to do with this misplaced soul?
All I know is that I could no longer hold
My dreams by the chains of excuse
So I would dance despite the limits of my soul's shelter
I would dance and let no one take that gift away from me
Let the wind of hope set its course unto the embers of my passion
Let these embers catch the flames that once kindled in my heart
And let my heart outshine my body's capabilities
The world may throw its toughest rocks upon my path
But I will be ready to chassé back to my journey
Towards the solace in dancing
Literary: Autonomy Over Anatomy
I don't feel like I own the body I've been given
It has been carved not in the way I want it to be
Even if I tailor it the way I see fit
My body still could not match
This soul that dreams to dance
As I gaze upon the mirror I'm greeted by the sight
Of a short stature with thick bones and
Of skin draping a little too tight
Around layers of disproportionate muscles and bones
Cruel reminders that I could never achieve
The lithe aesthetic that defines ballet
I watch other dancers with a mixture of reverence and jealousy
As I know I'm way too far from being like them
Next to their elegant precision, I am a blur of motion
If they are the embodiments of ballet's ethereality,
I am the lack of it
I wonder how easy it would have been to move as enchanting as them
If I had even just a fraction of their perfect bodies
But on stage, where it should have only been
Me and the music in harmonious concert
I become lost as I feel the discouraging look of the director upon me
A look that seared through my hopes in dancing
My spirit drowns further into the depths of dismay
As another barrier presents its way to set me off course from my goal
A foot injury, caused by too much weight on my toes
Becomes a weight on my shoulders
Shoulders that are too high and tense
There's tension in my movements that makes me look
As if I'm carrying a burden on my chest
The chest which I wish were more prominent
But was already too protuberant for ballet
I've learned to hate this body
But no matter how much I physically burn myself out
No matter how less I eat
I couldn't change this flawed body
Since then I've spent my days in cycles of
Dancing, aching, drowning
Dancing, aching, hoping
Dancing, aching, trying
I tried to pursue other art forms
But my heart keeps on finding its way back to dancing
What am I supposed to do with this stubborn heart?
What am I supposed to do with this misplaced soul?
All I know is that I could no longer hold
My dreams by the chains of excuse
So I would dance despite the limits of my soul's shelter
I would dance and let no one take that gift away from me
Let the wind of hope set its course unto the embers of my passion
Let these embers catch the flames that once kindled in my heart
And let my heart outshine my body's capabilities
The world may throw its toughest rocks upon my path
But I will be ready to chassé back to my journey
Towards the solace in dancing
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