english,
Literary: Overthinking
It was already 12 o’clock in the morning as I crammed my essay for English class. We were tasked to write a three-page paper in free writing technique. I have had numerous nervous breakdowns before even starting the essay because, not only have I not started the work but also, I haven’t studied for a long test to a subject that I am having difficulty with. I felt anxious and scared. What if I fail the long test? What if I didn’t pass my paper on time? What are the chances of having a bad grade? What about my future? How will universities accept me if I have low grades? How will my parents be proud of me if they see me like this? My mind was clouded by the voices inside my head, voices that never stop. Then it kept on getting louder and louder and I realized, I needed to take a rest.
I got down to get myself some coffee so that I can enjoy a hot drink and stay awake at the same time. The silence of the room helped me relax and think. Still shaking, I asked myself, do grades really matter? They’re just numbers, as told by others, but somehow, some way it may also define us. To be honest, it’s upsetting, because the main purpose of schooling is to learn, not to label ourselves with numbers and to risk everything including our mental health.
I tried and tried to get myself to relax, to calm down, to think of happy thoughts. Then I stumbled upon the idea of what could happen 20 years from now, given the idea of what it is today. There, I imagined myself sitting in a desk with my client as we’re discussing some issues regarding her case. After that I pictured myself stopping by a restaurant to meet up with some friends to try and catch up with each other after a decade without communication. Finally, in my imaginary scene, I saw myself smiling and laughing and feeling better than ever.
I didn’t notice that it was already 2 o’clock in the morning, I still have a list of all the things that have to be finished. This time, I didn’t panic and instead I tried to do things with ease one by one. I started with the essay knowing that it has to be passed at 7:00 am sharp, then I studied statistics for the long test. Everytime that I finished a task, I gave myself a 15-minute break so that I can clear my head and think better. Little by little I accomplish the tasks that needed to be done. Who knew that I could finish everything on time?
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