coruscate,
How would my life be if I was still able to hear? Probably better, I don't know. But what I do know, right now, is that I'm not happy.
When I was 15, I got caught in an accident. The good news was I wasn't killed, but the bad news was I incurred a condition. I have what is called sensorineural hearing loss, or in short, deafness from the concussion I contracted. The doctor said it was severe and could last a lifetime. We tried every treatment we could afford, but my ability was never really restored.
It's been a year since the incident and my life has never been the same. As much as the sounds have left me, so has my social life. I shut out everyone who said, “Everything will be alright.”
No, everything will not be “alright!” What do you expect? I can just go back to doing things as usual? You must be stupid to think that’s comforting.
I also abstained from school activities like the debate team. I couldn’t stand the faces of those pretentious jerks. They say they’re concerned but honestly, they’re just thinking of themselves. I’ve been discriminated against ever since I got this stupid impairment. One time, a classmate mocked me behind my back and I got into a fight with him when I noticed. We both got counseled that day and I never really talked to him ever since.
Another year passed, and things started to calm down in senior high. Either the people have stopped talking about me or I just don’t know about it anymore.
Anyway, I got used to the adjustments that I needed to do for my condition. I had an interpreter for my classes while I studied how to lip read and do sign language.
To be completely honest, I've been missing my old lifestyle. It was way easier then when I didn't have to do everything differently. I miss listening to music when I do my homework. I miss hearing different kinds of sounds when I stroll around a place. I miss hearing my voice.
Lately, I've been noticing this girl in my class when I scan the room from time to time. She's completely opposite from me.
She's famous with boys and girls alike, respected by the teachers, and is in the top of the hierarchy. She excels in all our subjects, she’s very athletic, artistic, and she’s the daughter of a rich businessman. Her mere presence annoys me. I don't need to hear her to feel that.
Deep inside though, it makes me envious to think of how pitiful I am compared to her. How come she gets to enjoy her life? She'd never understand how things are like in mine.
One day, she approached me at my desk and sat neatly on the chair next to mine. When I looked back, she just flashed me that irritating bright smile of hers – the one with dimples. I tried to ignore her, but she just wouldn't leave.
I tried to hide my face under my crossed arms on my desk to pretend like I was sleeping, but she kept poking my shoulder.
At some point, I gave in and glared at her. She said to me, in sign language, “It’s been a while since classes have started. I've noticed you haven't been interacting with anyone for a long time now. Nice to meet you, I'm Lyra.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. With a reluctant frown, I signed back, “Ethan. Why do you know sign language?”
She went on again and flashed me that bright smile. “My friends told me that you were deaf, so I planned on learning it. To be honest, I just want to be friends with you.”
“What made you think I'd be friends with you?”
She tapped her index finger on her lower lip, thinking deeply. “I don't know really. I just wanted to take my chances.”
She seemed really sketchy at first, but I let her be. It'd be way worse for me if I were to fight even the most popular person in the class.
Since then, she has kept on approaching me for school activities or for some help when assisting the teachers. Every lunch period, she’d disturb my peace and sit across me, offering some food. I didn't know what her ulterior motive was but when I asked her, she just replied with her energetic gestures, “I told you, I just really want to be friends.”
Some time passed, and I got used to her antics. I gave in and started to accept her food offerings, to which, she smiled. I also pointed to the answers on her textbook from time to time when she was doing our homework in English. Turns out she still needs help despite excelling in class. At some point, it became commonplace for me to have her around. More often than not, people started talking about us.
“Aren't you worried that you're hanging out with me? The person who literally can't talk to anyone? Except for you anyway,” I signed.
“I don't mind really,” she said, “They say you ignore them when they try to talk to you. I think they just don't understand how.”
“Fair enough,” I sighed.
I really felt tense about the eyes locking around us but seeing her disregard them somehow made me feel much more relaxed.
Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. We've been hanging out together the whole time and only later did I realize that I was already trusting her.
One time, I ran into her inside the library. She signed for me to come towards her table.
“Here,” she mouthed. She lent me one of her notebooks and a pen. “I noticed that you're really good with words,” she signed, “Maybe you'd have a better time if you wrote them down.”
Since then, I’ve been trying hard to express myself through writing. This way, she was able to urge me into talking and opening up to my classmates. I was reluctant at first, but she dragged me into it.
I showed them how I felt through my writings in a notebook. Lyra, standing beside me with a gentle smile, promised to teach them how to do sign language so that our relationship would eventually become stronger. Fortunately, my classmates agreed.
By then, I started to feel like I was a normal person again. I was able to smile because of her and I felt like I really changed for the better. We started to do more things together from finishing homework in her house, to playing in the arcade, and even to listening to music in concerts. She told me that she read an article that says deaf people can still hear vibrations despite not really hearing sounds. It was then that I started to appreciate my life again.
When my doctor recommended a new hearing aid after my family saved up some money, I was beginning to hear things better. Things were working out for me, until the doctor talked to me about her.
“It's good that your condition’s turning up well Ethan,” he said while signing. “Your smile reminds me of that of a patient I have. When she has her checkup, she has always wears a really bright smile, like yours, with cute little dimples.”
It took me a while to internalize what he just said. I asked, “Is her name by any chance... Lyra?”
“How did you know?” he replied.
“Lucky guess, maybe.”
I hurried to her home after I finished my checkup. Panting, I asked her housekeeper where she was. “Oh, she just left a while ago, Ethan!” she signed.
I searched for a long while around the area. How come I didn’t think of this sooner? I assumed the people around her learned sign language just to accommodate me. How could I be so selfish?
I found her back inside the hospital lobby. She’d probably been waiting there a long time.
“So the doctor told you, huh?” she signed blankly when she saw me.
“Why didn't you tell me?” I signed back.
“At first, didn’t want you to think that we were two birds of a feather, but later I thought that it didn't matter anymore.”
“I’ve always thought that my disability was a burden. Why didn't you tell me about yours?” I signed.
“Ever since I was born, I already had a genetic problem,” she signed, “It never really was a burden for me to begin with because I didn’t know what it meant to hear at all.”
“After all this time… Was it because you pitied me? You’d play along with my assumptions because of what?” I signed harshly, “So that I'd feel special? You'd go that far to underestimate me?”
“On the contrary, no,” she walked towards me. “Like I said, I just wanted to be friends with you, Ethan, being able to hear or not. Your disability shouldn't stop you from living your life.”
I stopped to think for a while, unable to completely grasp why I felt some resentment. “Then how come everything went downhill when I became deaf? How come I was unhappy?”
“Then that's not the disability anymore, is it Ethan?” she said while signing, “Even if you can't hear, it doesn't mean you can't listen. You mean so much more than you think you do. Don’t think that your life is the way it is because you’re deaf. It’s the way it is because you’re the one who makes it, who communicates it.”
“How does that make sense? You don't know what you're saying! My life was ruined because I lost my hearing!”
“Was it really just your hearing that you lost?” she asked, “Or did you lose something else?”
“You're just twisting my thoughts!” I slammed.
“The only person twisting your thoughts here is you.”
My tears began to fall from my eyes after I thought about the things that Lyra said. I was overwhelmed with everything I've been through and all that I pent-up for 2 years.
Lyra embraced me and said, “Ethan, you're stronger than who you think you are. Deafness isn't our disability, it's our identity. I hope you understand that.”
I couldn't stop crying in her arms after everything that happened. One of the first things that I was clearly able to hear again was my sobbing.
“Lyra,” I said, “did you ever wish that you had the privilege to hear?”
“No, not really,” she replied, “but maybe that's for the best.”
A few days have passed after the school’s new term arrived. Everything was back to normal for me and I thought about everything that happened back then.
I've been thinking long and hard about how I've been handling my life, and I'd say, Lyra was right. I started writing more poems and stories to vent out my feelings. I shared them with other people afterward so that they'd know what it's like to be a deaf person like me, and I'd say this anecdote is one of my greatest works.
After classes today though, I saw Lyra staring outside a window alone in a hallway in deep thought. I walked up to her.
“It’s been a while since classes have started, Lyra. I've noticed that you haven't been interacting with anyone for a long time now. So what do you want to do today?” I smiled politely.
She smiled brightly back at me with those dimples.
Literary: A Grin From Ear to Ear
How would my life be if I was still able to hear? Probably better, I don't know. But what I do know, right now, is that I'm not happy.
When I was 15, I got caught in an accident. The good news was I wasn't killed, but the bad news was I incurred a condition. I have what is called sensorineural hearing loss, or in short, deafness from the concussion I contracted. The doctor said it was severe and could last a lifetime. We tried every treatment we could afford, but my ability was never really restored.
It's been a year since the incident and my life has never been the same. As much as the sounds have left me, so has my social life. I shut out everyone who said, “Everything will be alright.”
No, everything will not be “alright!” What do you expect? I can just go back to doing things as usual? You must be stupid to think that’s comforting.
I also abstained from school activities like the debate team. I couldn’t stand the faces of those pretentious jerks. They say they’re concerned but honestly, they’re just thinking of themselves. I’ve been discriminated against ever since I got this stupid impairment. One time, a classmate mocked me behind my back and I got into a fight with him when I noticed. We both got counseled that day and I never really talked to him ever since.
Another year passed, and things started to calm down in senior high. Either the people have stopped talking about me or I just don’t know about it anymore.
Anyway, I got used to the adjustments that I needed to do for my condition. I had an interpreter for my classes while I studied how to lip read and do sign language.
To be completely honest, I've been missing my old lifestyle. It was way easier then when I didn't have to do everything differently. I miss listening to music when I do my homework. I miss hearing different kinds of sounds when I stroll around a place. I miss hearing my voice.
Lately, I've been noticing this girl in my class when I scan the room from time to time. She's completely opposite from me.
She's famous with boys and girls alike, respected by the teachers, and is in the top of the hierarchy. She excels in all our subjects, she’s very athletic, artistic, and she’s the daughter of a rich businessman. Her mere presence annoys me. I don't need to hear her to feel that.
Deep inside though, it makes me envious to think of how pitiful I am compared to her. How come she gets to enjoy her life? She'd never understand how things are like in mine.
One day, she approached me at my desk and sat neatly on the chair next to mine. When I looked back, she just flashed me that irritating bright smile of hers – the one with dimples. I tried to ignore her, but she just wouldn't leave.
I tried to hide my face under my crossed arms on my desk to pretend like I was sleeping, but she kept poking my shoulder.
At some point, I gave in and glared at her. She said to me, in sign language, “It’s been a while since classes have started. I've noticed you haven't been interacting with anyone for a long time now. Nice to meet you, I'm Lyra.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. With a reluctant frown, I signed back, “Ethan. Why do you know sign language?”
She went on again and flashed me that bright smile. “My friends told me that you were deaf, so I planned on learning it. To be honest, I just want to be friends with you.”
“What made you think I'd be friends with you?”
She tapped her index finger on her lower lip, thinking deeply. “I don't know really. I just wanted to take my chances.”
She seemed really sketchy at first, but I let her be. It'd be way worse for me if I were to fight even the most popular person in the class.
Since then, she has kept on approaching me for school activities or for some help when assisting the teachers. Every lunch period, she’d disturb my peace and sit across me, offering some food. I didn't know what her ulterior motive was but when I asked her, she just replied with her energetic gestures, “I told you, I just really want to be friends.”
Some time passed, and I got used to her antics. I gave in and started to accept her food offerings, to which, she smiled. I also pointed to the answers on her textbook from time to time when she was doing our homework in English. Turns out she still needs help despite excelling in class. At some point, it became commonplace for me to have her around. More often than not, people started talking about us.
“Aren't you worried that you're hanging out with me? The person who literally can't talk to anyone? Except for you anyway,” I signed.
“I don't mind really,” she said, “They say you ignore them when they try to talk to you. I think they just don't understand how.”
“Fair enough,” I sighed.
I really felt tense about the eyes locking around us but seeing her disregard them somehow made me feel much more relaxed.
Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. We've been hanging out together the whole time and only later did I realize that I was already trusting her.
One time, I ran into her inside the library. She signed for me to come towards her table.
“Here,” she mouthed. She lent me one of her notebooks and a pen. “I noticed that you're really good with words,” she signed, “Maybe you'd have a better time if you wrote them down.”
Since then, I’ve been trying hard to express myself through writing. This way, she was able to urge me into talking and opening up to my classmates. I was reluctant at first, but she dragged me into it.
I showed them how I felt through my writings in a notebook. Lyra, standing beside me with a gentle smile, promised to teach them how to do sign language so that our relationship would eventually become stronger. Fortunately, my classmates agreed.
By then, I started to feel like I was a normal person again. I was able to smile because of her and I felt like I really changed for the better. We started to do more things together from finishing homework in her house, to playing in the arcade, and even to listening to music in concerts. She told me that she read an article that says deaf people can still hear vibrations despite not really hearing sounds. It was then that I started to appreciate my life again.
When my doctor recommended a new hearing aid after my family saved up some money, I was beginning to hear things better. Things were working out for me, until the doctor talked to me about her.
“It's good that your condition’s turning up well Ethan,” he said while signing. “Your smile reminds me of that of a patient I have. When she has her checkup, she has always wears a really bright smile, like yours, with cute little dimples.”
It took me a while to internalize what he just said. I asked, “Is her name by any chance... Lyra?”
“How did you know?” he replied.
“Lucky guess, maybe.”
I hurried to her home after I finished my checkup. Panting, I asked her housekeeper where she was. “Oh, she just left a while ago, Ethan!” she signed.
I searched for a long while around the area. How come I didn’t think of this sooner? I assumed the people around her learned sign language just to accommodate me. How could I be so selfish?
I found her back inside the hospital lobby. She’d probably been waiting there a long time.
“So the doctor told you, huh?” she signed blankly when she saw me.
“Why didn't you tell me?” I signed back.
“At first, didn’t want you to think that we were two birds of a feather, but later I thought that it didn't matter anymore.”
“I’ve always thought that my disability was a burden. Why didn't you tell me about yours?” I signed.
“Ever since I was born, I already had a genetic problem,” she signed, “It never really was a burden for me to begin with because I didn’t know what it meant to hear at all.”
“After all this time… Was it because you pitied me? You’d play along with my assumptions because of what?” I signed harshly, “So that I'd feel special? You'd go that far to underestimate me?”
“On the contrary, no,” she walked towards me. “Like I said, I just wanted to be friends with you, Ethan, being able to hear or not. Your disability shouldn't stop you from living your life.”
I stopped to think for a while, unable to completely grasp why I felt some resentment. “Then how come everything went downhill when I became deaf? How come I was unhappy?”
“Then that's not the disability anymore, is it Ethan?” she said while signing, “Even if you can't hear, it doesn't mean you can't listen. You mean so much more than you think you do. Don’t think that your life is the way it is because you’re deaf. It’s the way it is because you’re the one who makes it, who communicates it.”
“How does that make sense? You don't know what you're saying! My life was ruined because I lost my hearing!”
“Was it really just your hearing that you lost?” she asked, “Or did you lose something else?”
“You're just twisting my thoughts!” I slammed.
“The only person twisting your thoughts here is you.”
My tears began to fall from my eyes after I thought about the things that Lyra said. I was overwhelmed with everything I've been through and all that I pent-up for 2 years.
Lyra embraced me and said, “Ethan, you're stronger than who you think you are. Deafness isn't our disability, it's our identity. I hope you understand that.”
I couldn't stop crying in her arms after everything that happened. One of the first things that I was clearly able to hear again was my sobbing.
“Lyra,” I said, “did you ever wish that you had the privilege to hear?”
“No, not really,” she replied, “but maybe that's for the best.”
A few days have passed after the school’s new term arrived. Everything was back to normal for me and I thought about everything that happened back then.
I've been thinking long and hard about how I've been handling my life, and I'd say, Lyra was right. I started writing more poems and stories to vent out my feelings. I shared them with other people afterward so that they'd know what it's like to be a deaf person like me, and I'd say this anecdote is one of my greatest works.
After classes today though, I saw Lyra staring outside a window alone in a hallway in deep thought. I walked up to her.
“It’s been a while since classes have started, Lyra. I've noticed that you haven't been interacting with anyone for a long time now. So what do you want to do today?” I smiled politely.
She smiled brightly back at me with those dimples.
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