english,
August 2005
Hello you,
This was a sunny month and normally, I would have given anything to be able to enjoy days like such outside.
But instead, I’m stuck in a four-walled room, with mirrors on all sides. I see myself clearly every day, a high-spirited teenage girl, hoping to be a woman soon. I see the gleam of excitement reflect from my eyes and I knew I was finally doing the right thing. The one thing I have been wanting since I could walk on my feet. The one thing I have given everything up for. The one thing I am willing to die for.
Of course, dreams don’t come to us on a silver platter because if they do, then I wouldn’t be here for the past weeks. We have to sweat for it and in my case, I have to stay up all night, go through vigorous training, damage and fix my voice at the same time for it.
I also have been constantly in pain. Aside from the cruel hours and lack of sleep, my body was asked to deny itself food for as long as it can so it could fit in the clothes they gave me. Shiny, skimpy clothes that I don’t usually wear. However, they said they looked good and I chose not to complain.
With all these challenges, everyone expected me to give up in a few days’ time. What they didn’t know was that I was only getting started. I was going to show them that this girl is not a quitter.
But I wish my dreams would come true, soon.
May 2006
Hello you,
More than a year has passed since I started and earlier this evening, I was finally the star of the night.
Everyone craned their necks to get a glimpse of me. Everyone fought the crowd to shake my hand. Everyone wanted to know who I was.
With the overwhelming mix of shouts, orders and camera clicks, I wasn’t able to hear myself think. It was noisy, but it was my cloud nine.
I guess my dreams are already coming true.
December 2007
Dear you,
It’s been a long time for I don’t even have the luxury to sit down and write.
To say it simply, it’s been a whirlwind.
In a span of a few months, people know who I am. Ask anyone, and I can bet they’d know me.
The attention never tired me out and I was actually ecstatic over the fact that I was noticed after all this time.
Along with everything that’s been happening however, I cannot deny that I miss my parents dearly. Every take-out food I eat, I craved my mom’s homemade dinner. Every storm that would hit, I pined for my dad’s warm embrace. It’s been long, too long since I last saw them.
But I had money as my guardian and fame as my friend.
What else could I ask for?
I had everything I ever wanted.
Finally, my dreams did come true.
April 2009
Dear you,
I became used to everything. The lights, the screams, the constant demand for my presence. The hands that were out to get a piece of me. The eyes watching my every move. The cameras catching everything on film.
I was always careful not to slip up. I decided a long time ago to bury my abnormal, unflattering self in this sparkling yet fake façade.
But apparently, it wasn’t enough.
My haven turned into a warzone overnight. And the biggest problem of them all was that I didn’t even do anything they accused me of.
I was planning to tell the truth, to come clean and maybe, the backlash wouldn’t sting so much. But they said I couldn’t. “To tell the truth is like digging your own grave.” They said.
But even when everything was settled and peace reigned once again, I could still hear my well-built image slowly cracking.
I wish these nightmares would end.
January 2011
Dear you,
I thought the worst was over, that I had weathered the storm. But sadly, it was not.
Soon enough, newcomers were lining up to take my place. Young, pretty things are threatening to replace the legacy I was planning to leave behind.
And worst of all? The people who used to stay by my side, in a blink of an eye, left. The ones who used to protect, now attack. The ones who used to comfort, now shame. And the ones who showed me my purpose, now give me the reason to end everything.
Can someone just wake me up from this nightmare?
May 2014
Dear… someone,
I now stare at the reflection in the mirror.
I don’t know who this woman is. With her curled-up hair, red-tinted lips and face void of any flaws.
And the glint of youth gone, despite her still early age.
She moves, breathes, and stares when I do. But I’m not her. I cannot be.
This woman sold her soul to the devil in exchange for a silly, old children’s dream.
She lived the life of a puppet and said nothing for her own sake.
She resorted to all kinds of vices to try and remember who she really was. To no avail.
All these, for what?
A few moments with her name up in lights. Soon replaced with something, or someone, younger, prettier.
Better.
She was expendable and she didn’t know it. The poison of fame has gotten to her faster than she could say “wake up.”
And this ambition of hers? The one she was so eager to die for, has now killed her.
I just wish her dreams didn’t come true at all.
Literary: All Stars are Bound to be Forgotten
August 2005
Hello you,
This was a sunny month and normally, I would have given anything to be able to enjoy days like such outside.
But instead, I’m stuck in a four-walled room, with mirrors on all sides. I see myself clearly every day, a high-spirited teenage girl, hoping to be a woman soon. I see the gleam of excitement reflect from my eyes and I knew I was finally doing the right thing. The one thing I have been wanting since I could walk on my feet. The one thing I have given everything up for. The one thing I am willing to die for.
Of course, dreams don’t come to us on a silver platter because if they do, then I wouldn’t be here for the past weeks. We have to sweat for it and in my case, I have to stay up all night, go through vigorous training, damage and fix my voice at the same time for it.
I also have been constantly in pain. Aside from the cruel hours and lack of sleep, my body was asked to deny itself food for as long as it can so it could fit in the clothes they gave me. Shiny, skimpy clothes that I don’t usually wear. However, they said they looked good and I chose not to complain.
With all these challenges, everyone expected me to give up in a few days’ time. What they didn’t know was that I was only getting started. I was going to show them that this girl is not a quitter.
But I wish my dreams would come true, soon.
May 2006
Hello you,
More than a year has passed since I started and earlier this evening, I was finally the star of the night.
Everyone craned their necks to get a glimpse of me. Everyone fought the crowd to shake my hand. Everyone wanted to know who I was.
With the overwhelming mix of shouts, orders and camera clicks, I wasn’t able to hear myself think. It was noisy, but it was my cloud nine.
I guess my dreams are already coming true.
December 2007
Dear you,
It’s been a long time for I don’t even have the luxury to sit down and write.
To say it simply, it’s been a whirlwind.
In a span of a few months, people know who I am. Ask anyone, and I can bet they’d know me.
The attention never tired me out and I was actually ecstatic over the fact that I was noticed after all this time.
Along with everything that’s been happening however, I cannot deny that I miss my parents dearly. Every take-out food I eat, I craved my mom’s homemade dinner. Every storm that would hit, I pined for my dad’s warm embrace. It’s been long, too long since I last saw them.
But I had money as my guardian and fame as my friend.
What else could I ask for?
I had everything I ever wanted.
Finally, my dreams did come true.
April 2009
Dear you,
I became used to everything. The lights, the screams, the constant demand for my presence. The hands that were out to get a piece of me. The eyes watching my every move. The cameras catching everything on film.
I was always careful not to slip up. I decided a long time ago to bury my abnormal, unflattering self in this sparkling yet fake façade.
But apparently, it wasn’t enough.
My haven turned into a warzone overnight. And the biggest problem of them all was that I didn’t even do anything they accused me of.
I was planning to tell the truth, to come clean and maybe, the backlash wouldn’t sting so much. But they said I couldn’t. “To tell the truth is like digging your own grave.” They said.
But even when everything was settled and peace reigned once again, I could still hear my well-built image slowly cracking.
I wish these nightmares would end.
January 2011
Dear you,
I thought the worst was over, that I had weathered the storm. But sadly, it was not.
Soon enough, newcomers were lining up to take my place. Young, pretty things are threatening to replace the legacy I was planning to leave behind.
And worst of all? The people who used to stay by my side, in a blink of an eye, left. The ones who used to protect, now attack. The ones who used to comfort, now shame. And the ones who showed me my purpose, now give me the reason to end everything.
Can someone just wake me up from this nightmare?
May 2014
Dear… someone,
I now stare at the reflection in the mirror.
I don’t know who this woman is. With her curled-up hair, red-tinted lips and face void of any flaws.
And the glint of youth gone, despite her still early age.
She moves, breathes, and stares when I do. But I’m not her. I cannot be.
This woman sold her soul to the devil in exchange for a silly, old children’s dream.
She lived the life of a puppet and said nothing for her own sake.
She resorted to all kinds of vices to try and remember who she really was. To no avail.
All these, for what?
A few moments with her name up in lights. Soon replaced with something, or someone, younger, prettier.
Better.
She was expendable and she didn’t know it. The poison of fame has gotten to her faster than she could say “wake up.”
And this ambition of hers? The one she was so eager to die for, has now killed her.
I just wish her dreams didn’t come true at all.
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