behind the scenes,
January 2015
I know it wasn't easy for you when you failed that entrance exam. Maybe I will never hear how your heart broke as you looked for your name where it should have been in between the names of two strangers. Maybe I will never see your shaking hands as you try to smile and say it's okay. Maybe I will never cry the tears you didn't want to show me, but I will always be the one to remind you that whatever school you go to does not matter. I hope you do not let a school define who you are.
February 2015
If only you knew of all the nights I'd tuck you in after a night of coffee and requirements you could have finished last week but crammed tonight. If only you knew how hard it was for me not to interfere while you were slaving on a project you didn't want any help with. If only you knew that when you didn't sleep to finish a paper, I couldn't sleep either. If only you knew about all the nights I had wanted to to type for you just so you could catch a wink of sleep. If only you would hand me your pain so that you could finally feel the comfort I wish to give.
March 2015
I wish you knew how proud I am of you. I am not one to say what I feel, but that's fine because there are honestly no words to describe the feeling of victory in my heart whenever I see you experiencing the world. It never mattered to me that you weren't at the top of the class. It never mattered that you didn't get any awards. What's important is that I see you happy. What's important is that I know all my effort is never wasted on a child who does not strive.
April 2015
Your day has finally come, and it's time to say good bye to the school that has been your personal mix of hell and heaven for 11 years now, and yet I know that this is not the end for you. There were so many reasons to cry, to break down, to say it's over, and yes I know, sometimes you did, but you always stood back up when you fell down. It was never a matter of strength, but a matter of will. Even when life took you apart, you glued the pieces back together. You are well past the point of fragile. You are whole now.
When you finally go off to college somewhere very far from here remember where your heart lies: at home, here with me. If only you knew how hard it is to let you go, even if only for a few months. My child, it is never in a mother's heart to be apart from her children but if this is how you will chase your dreams, then I will be your dreamcatcher. When times are tough, I will remind you why you are doing what you do. Every time we say goodbye, I will never learn to watch you go, because it hurts too much, though I know I will see you again.
My love for you was never easy, my dear, but it is always worth it.
Literary (Submission): Behind the Scenes
January 2015
I know it wasn't easy for you when you failed that entrance exam. Maybe I will never hear how your heart broke as you looked for your name where it should have been in between the names of two strangers. Maybe I will never see your shaking hands as you try to smile and say it's okay. Maybe I will never cry the tears you didn't want to show me, but I will always be the one to remind you that whatever school you go to does not matter. I hope you do not let a school define who you are.
February 2015
If only you knew of all the nights I'd tuck you in after a night of coffee and requirements you could have finished last week but crammed tonight. If only you knew how hard it was for me not to interfere while you were slaving on a project you didn't want any help with. If only you knew that when you didn't sleep to finish a paper, I couldn't sleep either. If only you knew about all the nights I had wanted to to type for you just so you could catch a wink of sleep. If only you would hand me your pain so that you could finally feel the comfort I wish to give.
March 2015
I wish you knew how proud I am of you. I am not one to say what I feel, but that's fine because there are honestly no words to describe the feeling of victory in my heart whenever I see you experiencing the world. It never mattered to me that you weren't at the top of the class. It never mattered that you didn't get any awards. What's important is that I see you happy. What's important is that I know all my effort is never wasted on a child who does not strive.
April 2015
Your day has finally come, and it's time to say good bye to the school that has been your personal mix of hell and heaven for 11 years now, and yet I know that this is not the end for you. There were so many reasons to cry, to break down, to say it's over, and yes I know, sometimes you did, but you always stood back up when you fell down. It was never a matter of strength, but a matter of will. Even when life took you apart, you glued the pieces back together. You are well past the point of fragile. You are whole now.
When you finally go off to college somewhere very far from here remember where your heart lies: at home, here with me. If only you knew how hard it is to let you go, even if only for a few months. My child, it is never in a mother's heart to be apart from her children but if this is how you will chase your dreams, then I will be your dreamcatcher. When times are tough, I will remind you why you are doing what you do. Every time we say goodbye, I will never learn to watch you go, because it hurts too much, though I know I will see you again.
My love for you was never easy, my dear, but it is always worth it.
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