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Feature: How to Speak to Your Parents about Your Mental Health
Talking about your mental health is always nerve-wracking, but it is especially difficult to talk with your parents about it. Studies show that 1 out of 7 children and teens have a treatable mental illness (University of Michigan, 2019), and almost 3.3 million people in the Philippines have depression, especially among the youth (Global Burden of Disease, 2015). It is highly recommended to get treatment if you are experiencing bouts of mental illness symptoms, so here are tips for taking the first step to getting help by opening a dialogue with your parents.
1. Choosing the Time to Talk
To make sure you have their full attention, plan ahead to a time where nothing much is going on. Instead of right after getting home from work, plan the talk on, say, a Sunday afternoon. This way they are more likely to take it seriously. It is also better that the discussion is not out of the blue and sudden, so that you can expect the reactions to be better.
If you are afraid that your parents have enough to worry about, remember that every family goes through stressful situations. However, your well-being is just as important and needs attention. If you’re worried about stressing out your parents, pick a time when things are calm and explain to them what you’re going through and what kind of help you need.
2. Figuring Out What to Say
If you are unsure of how to express what you’re feeling or what you’re comfortable enough to share while also trying to get them to understand, try writing out a script or bullet points to map out what you’re going to say.
It might be easier to try to ease into the conversation by asking your parents about their experiences. It is a great starter, and can put them in the right mind-set for the talk.
You can also write a letter or just send them a message them if you are too afraid of a face-to-face conversation. This relieves the pressure of an immediate response and it opens a future dialogue where you can discuss the finer details of getting help properly.
Overall, explain what your thoughts and experiences are, what you’re having trouble with, and how it’s affecting you. There are big risk factors in having an untreated mental illness, such as social disconnection, unhealthy lifestyles, and issues and problems stretching into adulthood. If you are experiencing mental barriers that are hindering you from living your life properly, the earlier you seek help the better.
3. Know What to Expect
It is harsh, but you have to expect negative reactions from parents.
More often than not, when parents react with anger or dismissal, it is about fear. They might not know how to react or have learned incorrect stigmas about getting help for mental health. If a parent reacts with sadness, they might be sad that you are suffering, but it does not mean they are upset with you. This reaction is more likely to the fact that they care about you, and many parents often wonder if there was something they could have done differently to prevent you from feeling any discomfort or sadness.
Thinking through and explaining your fears about their possibly negative reactions may help them to respond in a way that is more helpful. It is important for them to understand that you need help, and it is having an impact in your life that you cannot function properly.
4. Helping Your Parents Help You
Above all, do your research first. Give them information with what you are going through to make them better understand. Print out lists of symptoms that match with what you’re feeling and tell them how it’s been impacting your personal life. For example, if you’re experiencing symptoms of anxiety, it helps to tell them that it makes it difficult for you to make connections with people and enjoy life. If you’re experiencing symptoms of depression, it’s hindering your ability to properly function in school and in life in general.
If finances are an issue within your family, research about local medical centers that provide free consultations. Examples include:
• Philippine General Hospital’s Psychiatry and Behavioural Medicine Department in Ermita, Manila offers free psychiatric consultations that are available for 24 hours.
• Ateneo de Manila University offers counselling in the Center for Family Ministries (CEFAM) in the Spiritual-Pastoral Center. It is mainly family and couple counselling, but they also provide free psychiatric consultations using a psycho-spiritual approach. The university also has the Bulatao Center that offers counselling services for children and adolescents. Both centers require appointments.
• UST Graduate School’s Psychotrauma Clinic in Sampaloc, Manila offers free psychological services that is open to everyone and includes assessment, evaluation and individual psychotherapy. Walk-ins are available.
You can also go to your guidance counsellor to seek more budget friendly or more accessible medical centers and psychiatrists, and request for discounts in formal letters.
5. Consider Other Options
If it is unlikely that your parents would provide you the means to get professional help, you may have to reach out to other options. Trusted adults like aunts/uncles, teachers, or guidance counsellors can help create a plan to talk to your parents in getting professional help. Reaching out to trusted adults is also recommended if one or both of your parents contribute to your need to seek help.
You can also lean on friends, online communities, and counselling hotlines to relieve stress and pain of not being treated. However, that is not to say that they are replacements for professional help as they are only means of outside resources that can guide you to the help you need.
Take advantage of resources available to you if you need them. Some helpful ones to be aware of are:
• In Touch Community Services Crisis Line is a free and confidential helpline support with professionally trained responders. They deal with issues like depression and suicide prevention, grief and loss, sexual assault, and substance abuse.
Landline: 893 7603
Mobile: 0917 800 1123 and 0922 893 8944
• Van Gogh is Bipolar is a café in Maginhawa Street, Sikatuna Village that offers free counselling and therapy sessions. They’re open everyday except Tuesdays, from 12PM to 3PM, and then 6PM onwards.
• 7 Cups is a free anonymous online text chat service with trained listeners and online therapists.
• There are community-based apps like Vent and Paralign where you can journal and express what you are feeling and connect with people who might be going through something similar.
Getting professional help can make a huge difference, whether it is to diagnose what’s happening to your mental stability or to ask for support and advice to deal with issues in your life. It is normal to feel unsure or scared or even ashamed in seeking help, but it is always okay. It’s important to remember that you are not alone, and that you deserve support.
A list of references to make this article:
Scout Magazine. (2019). Here’s a handy guide on mental health resources. Retrieved from https://www.scoutmag.ph/lifestyle/mental-health-resources-updated-scout-20190701
Mostafa, B. (2019). Half of U.S. children with mental health disorders are not treated. University of Michigan Health Lab. Retrieved from https://labblog.uofmhealth.org/rounds/half-of-us-children-mental-health-disorders-are-not-treated
Tapnio, K. (2019). You can reach out to these places for free mental health consultations. Retrieved from https://www.spot.ph/newsfeatures/the-latest-news-features/76652/free-mental-health-consultation-philippines-a2748-20190117
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