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Literary (Submission): What If the Past Pangulos of ‘Pinas Made Salita Conyo
Emilio Aguindo: “Daré libertad to those Filipinos, pero I’ll make benta them to América my master and not make tulong them in their away-aways!”
Manuel Quezon: “Ahora es el time to make the Filipinos true libertad. Pero kailangan them to make handa muna for, say, mga diez años. During the war, I’ll make alis para que mantenga mi puesto in the taas.”
José Laurel: “My dear Filipinos, Nippon will make bantay us for tayo to be laya na. Kaya be bait to them, ha? No more away-aways! Hai!”
Sergio Osmeña: “Need na we ask for tulong sa mga dear Americans. America, please! Make laya us from the Japoneses, they’re so asar and sama!”
Manuel Roxas: “My dear America, I’ll make utang some pera, okay? We need it para we can make bawi, our cities are so sira after ‘yung war.”
Elpidio Quirino: “Oh no, the Huks. They made us napaligiran na! America, we need your tulong! To get rid of them, they’re so basuraaaa to our lipunan eh!”
Ramon Magsaysay: (sinusubukang hindi magsalita nang pa-konyo) “Bababa ako. Kailangan kong maging pabor sa masa, at puksain ang impluwensiya ng mga komunista mula sa ating mga kalapit na bansa!”
Carlos Garcia: “International na this. Let’s make tatag a samahan together with the other bansas sa Asia. Para we get more pera and connections sa labas easier!”
Diosdado Macapagal: “Okay, let's make angkin the lupa in Borneo, ha. That Malaysia kasi, nakiki-invade pa our space sa Sabah. Like, let's gawa the Maphilindo to make this more dali.”
Ferdinand Marcos: “Let’s make sabi that Pinas will be martial law mode. It’s needed, kasi of those masasamang communists in Vietnam and China. Pero, it’s just para I’ll be more tagal in the taas!”
Corazon Aquino: “So naka-return na the demokrasya here in 'Pinas... ay! The Pinatubo Volcano made sabog, oh noooooooo! America, we need your tulong again! Come, make bigay us pera and let's repair your bases, they're siraers eh!"
Fidel Ramos: “Our economy needs to make bangon, they make sabi that we’re pinaka-sick sa whole na Asia! Come, let’s make tanggap the manong workers, be more laya in our trade and let the dayuhans manage the kumpanyas!”
Joseph Estrada: “Mga dudeparechongs, let’s make away-away the evil Moros sa Mindanao! Oh no, mga terrorists, Al-Qaeda, that Islamic Front pa, make layas na kasi! You're so basuraaaa to our kasafetyan sa 'Pinas!"
Gloria Arroyo: “Let's make tangka to buhay-ize Spanish once again. Kasi it's necesario for our historia, para we have más conexiones with our Hispanic kapatides!"
Benigno Aquino: “Let's make bisita mga several countries – US, US, US! Let's make gawa new kompanyas with them and strengthen 'yung bases natin! Obama, don't make alis, wait ka lang!"
Rodrigo Duterte: (sinasadyang ‘di magsalita nang pa-conyo) “Mga DDS! Ating ikontra ang mga salot na NPA. Pero kakampi tayo sa China, sabihin man nilang ‘komunista’ sila, para ‘umunlad’ ang bansa.”
*Ang konteksto nito ay nakabase sa tulang “What if Conyo Lahat the People Here in ‘Pinas” ni Israel Lumanglang. Pinalitan ang mga tauhan (mga ordinaryong mamamayan) ng mga pangulo upang mapaigting ang satirikal na tono ng lit. Ilang mga linya tulad ng “I’m nagmama-hurry” at “So asar” ay mga adaptasyon mula sa naturang tula.
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