english,
It was lonely inside the cold, abandoned room. I was sitting on an old hospital bed, the mattress scratched and half-burned. I hugged my knees tightly as the memories of my past life played in my mind.
Most of it is the memory of holding my wife Luella in my arms, which seemed a long time ago. I embraced my arms into myself, and instead of warmth, I felt coldness and emptiness. Both of which are painful for me, for it reminded me of the remaining days in my life.
“How many days are left?” my friend asked me.
My hands were clenched, and I cannot move. That question always haunted me every night, not knowing whether I would make it or not. Turning back to him, I said “I only have sixty days left–,“ I paused, not sure of what to say next. He looked at me awfully.
“Are you sure you’re not going to tell her about it?” he said, rising from the bench. “She must be looking for you right now.”
“At least there is someone she could still look for,” I sighed.
I opened my eyes, and I was back again. Except for the bloodied woman who has been looking at me the whole time, I was alone. Both in my heart and in my soul. I toyed with my hospital gown, the thing that didn’t come off after I died. The woman looked at me in sadness and left, perhaps tired of this sight of me mourning for my wife.
Then again, came the memories of what happened in the last sixty days in my life. I buried my head into my knees.
“No!” Luella gasped, bursting into tears. I could remember well how she looked that night. Her cheeks were red and her skin turned paler than before. Her brown hair, long and wavy, were untied. She was dressed in her favorite night dress, a long white gown embroidered with yellow flowers, a gift from me for our first honeymoon. Even if she looked worried and tired, she still looked beautiful. I wondered how she did that.
She sobbed. I tried to comfort her by holding her hand, but that didn’t help.
“That can’t be. It’s impossible!” She said and embraced me. My right shoulder was wet with tears. “No! We’ll find another doctor. I’ll go on leave tomorrow!”
Having been married to her for five years, I had always known her as a strong woman, who knows what to do even in trying times. But this was the first time I had seen her like this, crying very hard and unable to accept what was about to happen.
As I woke up in the morning, I found that Luella wasn't there by my side. I quickly stood up and looked for her. I found her in the living room, looking through a book.
"Luella..."
She flinched and accidentally dropped the book on the floor. It was our photo album.
I just smiled and picked up the book from the floor. As I flipped through the pages, I saw that some of it are found to be blank.
"Why-"
"I was giving more spaces . . . for our last set of pictures." She said, though faintly. "You know, remembrance."
-----
It was our visit to the doctor. We were sitting on a bench, waiting to be called. She clasped her hands and closed her eyes. Then I saw her lips slightly move, and that's when I realized what she was doing - she was praying. I can't exactly hear what she was saying, but I could hear phrases like "I can't let go," "him," "love,” and "please." She suddenly froze when the nurse called my name, and clutching on each other for support, we went into the doctor's office.
Luella was quiet for the entire time. She looked at the doctor like a bold woman would do, her back straight and her eyes focused.
Though I knew in my heart that she was greatly torn inside.
The doctor confirmed that there's only a month remaining in my life. There was no available cure and advised me to visit all of my relatives and friends for the last time. Luella nodded and thanked the doctor.
After our visit to the doctor, she still couldn’t believe it. She cried all the way down from the fifth floor, until we got down to the first. The people inside the elevator looked at me as if I have done something bad to her. As we reached the ground floor, she wiped her tears, then turned to me. Then once again, she was a bold woman and said, “We should try. We shall not give up. I will do everything that I can, just to make you stay with me for a bit longer!”
As we got home, Luella ransacked the entire house, looking for her mother’s book of herbal medicines that cured her father many years ago. I held out my hand and helped her reach for the book, dusted it, and gave it to her. She then flipped through the pages as she walked towards the kitchen. At night, she even studied it, remembering the steps and ingredients by heart.
Day by day, she made new potions, and most of them tasted really bad. But for the sake of living a longer life with my beloved, I just quickly drank all of them and told myself that it was made out of love. She even bought some medicinal plants from her friends, and all day she planted them one by one, sweat trickling down her face.
I offered to help, but she refused. I must go and rest.
My Luella would really do everything just to make me live, I sighed.
We thought there was going to be progress. It’s been weeks before a negative sign came out, and the doctor told me that I was nearing the critical stage. Luella still couldn’t believe, her hand clasped tightly in between my fingers while on our way home. She didn’t talk to me for the whole day, and she was staring blankly at the wall. I sat next to her, held her hand and said, "Love, you've been so quiet. Why can't you talk to me? We only had a week left to talk."
She turned paler, bit her lips and held our wedding ring close to her chest. The ring shone brighter than before, just as how it shone on our wedding day.
“Come on, let’s go outside and see the stars.” I told her. She nodded.
The stars shone brightly across the night sky. The wind was very cool and the rustling of the leaves could still be heard. Luella and I sat on our chairs in the backyard, and just as before, she didn't move. After a moment of silence, she spoke first. “I did everything I could. I prayed for you, took care of you, gave you medicines, but -,“ she sobbed, tears welling in her eyes.
“Nothing happened.”
I just smiled. After a moment of silence, I caressed her hand and pointed at the stars.
“I have once heard that, what if these are not stars, but openings from heaven, signs where our loved ones tell us that they’re happy?”
She winced, her eyes welling with tears. She wiped them once again and remained silent. I told her, “Luella, my love. There is still something that you haven’t done yet.”
She looked at me, her eyes shining.
“What?”
“That is, to accept,” I said. She turned pale.
“It’s easy to say, but hard to do,” she choked in tears. “I can’t even imagine my life without you! Why does it have to be like this? Why does it have to be you? Why not anyone else?"
“But, Luella, I’ll be saying goodbye to you soon. How will you prepare for that?”
“I CAN’T!” she shouted and ran away. All night, she didn’t sleep, as I heard her quietly crying under the covers of her bed.
Then came the time. I was in the hospital, unable to move nor speak. Luella was there beside me, holding my hands, her last drop of tears already drained. She was mumbling a prayer, but instead of hope, it spoke of acceptance. She still wore our wedding ring, neatly polished. I wondered if she would still wear that even after I died.
Till death do us part, my mind echoed.
"Luella," I said, though my voice was faint and weak.
"Ash-,"
"Please don't forget me. I love you. "
"Stop. I can't bear this," she sobbed. "I love you too."
She then stood up, and went for a kiss, but then my sight darkened and everything was gone.
I just died.
Going back to reality, I opened my eyes and looked around. I only had a day left for my forty-day mission.
And there is only one person left for me to look after.
On my way to our house, the nearby church bells were ringing loudly and a lot of people in black and white elegant clothes came bustling around the church. I spotted one of them and recognized one of my friends, laughing with a woman in a long beautiful wedding gown. Hours later, the people positioned themselves, welcoming the groom and his bride. Sensing something, I went up to the cathedral’s third floor to see what is happening. My friend's family were there together with some people, perhaps his relatives. Then I saw Luella's mother, dressed elegantly.
Luella's mother?
My heart leapt. My Luella must be here. I scanned at the crowd, looking for my beloved. But wherever I looked, I couldn't see any signs of her.
Hours later, it was the exchange of vows. Then the priest told them to kiss. I looked at them closely.
My friend raised her veil. My heart sank.
It was my Luella – with another man.
And that is to accept. My mind echoed.
After the kiss, a faint voice asked me to go home. I looked, and there was a light coming down from the ceiling of the church.
"Luella," I sighed.
"Goodbye."
I then gave in, left the place, and finally went to heaven.
Literary: Luella
It was lonely inside the cold, abandoned room. I was sitting on an old hospital bed, the mattress scratched and half-burned. I hugged my knees tightly as the memories of my past life played in my mind.
Most of it is the memory of holding my wife Luella in my arms, which seemed a long time ago. I embraced my arms into myself, and instead of warmth, I felt coldness and emptiness. Both of which are painful for me, for it reminded me of the remaining days in my life.
“How many days are left?” my friend asked me.
My hands were clenched, and I cannot move. That question always haunted me every night, not knowing whether I would make it or not. Turning back to him, I said “I only have sixty days left–,“ I paused, not sure of what to say next. He looked at me awfully.
“Are you sure you’re not going to tell her about it?” he said, rising from the bench. “She must be looking for you right now.”
“At least there is someone she could still look for,” I sighed.
I opened my eyes, and I was back again. Except for the bloodied woman who has been looking at me the whole time, I was alone. Both in my heart and in my soul. I toyed with my hospital gown, the thing that didn’t come off after I died. The woman looked at me in sadness and left, perhaps tired of this sight of me mourning for my wife.
Then again, came the memories of what happened in the last sixty days in my life. I buried my head into my knees.
“No!” Luella gasped, bursting into tears. I could remember well how she looked that night. Her cheeks were red and her skin turned paler than before. Her brown hair, long and wavy, were untied. She was dressed in her favorite night dress, a long white gown embroidered with yellow flowers, a gift from me for our first honeymoon. Even if she looked worried and tired, she still looked beautiful. I wondered how she did that.
She sobbed. I tried to comfort her by holding her hand, but that didn’t help.
“That can’t be. It’s impossible!” She said and embraced me. My right shoulder was wet with tears. “No! We’ll find another doctor. I’ll go on leave tomorrow!”
Having been married to her for five years, I had always known her as a strong woman, who knows what to do even in trying times. But this was the first time I had seen her like this, crying very hard and unable to accept what was about to happen.
As I woke up in the morning, I found that Luella wasn't there by my side. I quickly stood up and looked for her. I found her in the living room, looking through a book.
"Luella..."
She flinched and accidentally dropped the book on the floor. It was our photo album.
I just smiled and picked up the book from the floor. As I flipped through the pages, I saw that some of it are found to be blank.
"Why-"
"I was giving more spaces . . . for our last set of pictures." She said, though faintly. "You know, remembrance."
-----
It was our visit to the doctor. We were sitting on a bench, waiting to be called. She clasped her hands and closed her eyes. Then I saw her lips slightly move, and that's when I realized what she was doing - she was praying. I can't exactly hear what she was saying, but I could hear phrases like "I can't let go," "him," "love,” and "please." She suddenly froze when the nurse called my name, and clutching on each other for support, we went into the doctor's office.
Luella was quiet for the entire time. She looked at the doctor like a bold woman would do, her back straight and her eyes focused.
Though I knew in my heart that she was greatly torn inside.
The doctor confirmed that there's only a month remaining in my life. There was no available cure and advised me to visit all of my relatives and friends for the last time. Luella nodded and thanked the doctor.
After our visit to the doctor, she still couldn’t believe it. She cried all the way down from the fifth floor, until we got down to the first. The people inside the elevator looked at me as if I have done something bad to her. As we reached the ground floor, she wiped her tears, then turned to me. Then once again, she was a bold woman and said, “We should try. We shall not give up. I will do everything that I can, just to make you stay with me for a bit longer!”
As we got home, Luella ransacked the entire house, looking for her mother’s book of herbal medicines that cured her father many years ago. I held out my hand and helped her reach for the book, dusted it, and gave it to her. She then flipped through the pages as she walked towards the kitchen. At night, she even studied it, remembering the steps and ingredients by heart.
Day by day, she made new potions, and most of them tasted really bad. But for the sake of living a longer life with my beloved, I just quickly drank all of them and told myself that it was made out of love. She even bought some medicinal plants from her friends, and all day she planted them one by one, sweat trickling down her face.
I offered to help, but she refused. I must go and rest.
My Luella would really do everything just to make me live, I sighed.
We thought there was going to be progress. It’s been weeks before a negative sign came out, and the doctor told me that I was nearing the critical stage. Luella still couldn’t believe, her hand clasped tightly in between my fingers while on our way home. She didn’t talk to me for the whole day, and she was staring blankly at the wall. I sat next to her, held her hand and said, "Love, you've been so quiet. Why can't you talk to me? We only had a week left to talk."
She turned paler, bit her lips and held our wedding ring close to her chest. The ring shone brighter than before, just as how it shone on our wedding day.
“Come on, let’s go outside and see the stars.” I told her. She nodded.
The stars shone brightly across the night sky. The wind was very cool and the rustling of the leaves could still be heard. Luella and I sat on our chairs in the backyard, and just as before, she didn't move. After a moment of silence, she spoke first. “I did everything I could. I prayed for you, took care of you, gave you medicines, but -,“ she sobbed, tears welling in her eyes.
“Nothing happened.”
I just smiled. After a moment of silence, I caressed her hand and pointed at the stars.
“I have once heard that, what if these are not stars, but openings from heaven, signs where our loved ones tell us that they’re happy?”
She winced, her eyes welling with tears. She wiped them once again and remained silent. I told her, “Luella, my love. There is still something that you haven’t done yet.”
She looked at me, her eyes shining.
“What?”
“That is, to accept,” I said. She turned pale.
“It’s easy to say, but hard to do,” she choked in tears. “I can’t even imagine my life without you! Why does it have to be like this? Why does it have to be you? Why not anyone else?"
“But, Luella, I’ll be saying goodbye to you soon. How will you prepare for that?”
“I CAN’T!” she shouted and ran away. All night, she didn’t sleep, as I heard her quietly crying under the covers of her bed.
Then came the time. I was in the hospital, unable to move nor speak. Luella was there beside me, holding my hands, her last drop of tears already drained. She was mumbling a prayer, but instead of hope, it spoke of acceptance. She still wore our wedding ring, neatly polished. I wondered if she would still wear that even after I died.
Till death do us part, my mind echoed.
"Luella," I said, though my voice was faint and weak.
"Ash-,"
"Please don't forget me. I love you. "
"Stop. I can't bear this," she sobbed. "I love you too."
She then stood up, and went for a kiss, but then my sight darkened and everything was gone.
I just died.
Going back to reality, I opened my eyes and looked around. I only had a day left for my forty-day mission.
And there is only one person left for me to look after.
On my way to our house, the nearby church bells were ringing loudly and a lot of people in black and white elegant clothes came bustling around the church. I spotted one of them and recognized one of my friends, laughing with a woman in a long beautiful wedding gown. Hours later, the people positioned themselves, welcoming the groom and his bride. Sensing something, I went up to the cathedral’s third floor to see what is happening. My friend's family were there together with some people, perhaps his relatives. Then I saw Luella's mother, dressed elegantly.
Luella's mother?
My heart leapt. My Luella must be here. I scanned at the crowd, looking for my beloved. But wherever I looked, I couldn't see any signs of her.
Hours later, it was the exchange of vows. Then the priest told them to kiss. I looked at them closely.
My friend raised her veil. My heart sank.
It was my Luella – with another man.
And that is to accept. My mind echoed.
After the kiss, a faint voice asked me to go home. I looked, and there was a light coming down from the ceiling of the church.
"Luella," I sighed.
"Goodbye."
I then gave in, left the place, and finally went to heaven.
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