Literary (Submission): Maybe Someday*

(A sequel to Distance)

“Seeing something from so far away get a little closer every day…”

I saw you with her today as I was walking to the school gate.

The org meeting ended earlier than usual. I was thankful to be going home before six o’clock but the moment I recognized you, I wished I stayed in and left later.

You were sitting beside each other on one of the stone benches. There were a lot of people around but it looked like you had eyes only for her. It seemed like she was telling you something very interesting because you were listening intently. You had on that crooked smile, the one that adorably crinkled your eyes.

I recently heard about you two. You know how fast word gets around. Someone was kind (and insensitive) enough to tell me. I remember nodding and going back to doing my Algebra homework because I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t care then. At least, I thought I didn’t. But no matter how many school works I do and how many org projects I get myself into, I still kept thinking about it—you and her. I couldn’t forget it and it bothers me. And now, this. Proof that it’s true.

“Thinking that I want to make it mine…”

I saw her lean closer to you, bump your shoulder playfully for reasons I don’t know, want to know, or want to think about. I saw you put your arm around her for a split second. It seemed like a comforting albeit friendly-flirty gesture, one that surprisingly (and annoyingly) tugged painfully at my heartstrings.

I know I have no right to feel this, whatever this is. Can you really blame me, though? I used to believe that you’d never like me. After all, we’re much too different. But even if you belong with the jocks and hang out with the “cool” crowd… even with our classmates awkwardly teasing us, you reached out. You asked me to help you with schoolwork. You talked to me about anything or anyone. You made me smile silly and laugh out loud. You sent me sweet and thoughtful messages. You were just there so even if I tried very hard not to, I (and everybody else) got used to the idea of “us.”

“I’d run for you if I could stand, but what I want I can’t demand, coz what I want is you…”

And then, without warning, you just stopped. Just when I began making time for you despite the million and one things I have to do. Just when I started wondering what “this” was, what “this” means. Just when I started listening to my friends who tell me to give “it” a chance, to see beyond the teasing and the joking. Just when I was seriously thinking that there was or there could be “something” between us.

“And if I can’t be yours now, I’ll wait here on this ground…”

So I went on with my life as usual. Rather, tried to. I can’t or maybe I just don’t want to yet. I think there is still a place in my heart for you. There is that hope that we’d pick up where we left off. It has always been you. I think everyone knows that. Except you. And, as much as I want to, I cannot tell you… because you haven’t asked and you probably won’t.

“’Til you come, ‘til you take me away…”

Today, however, seeing you together made me realize that maybe it’s time to accept that “this” was nothing but mixed signals and wrong expectations, nothing more than an “almost-but-not-quite.”

I looked ahead, walked past the two of you, and firmly told myself that right off the bat “this” was not meant to be. I have to accept that “you and her” makes so much more sense than the “us” that never was and never will be.

“Maybe someday.”

-----

“I try to ignore what you say. You turn to me, I turn away…”

I was with her today when I noticed you walking towards the school gate.

I know you usually went home late because of org meetings or group projects or whatever requirements. But I still hang out by the stone benches after classes, with some of my friends or teammates before training starts, hoping to catch a glimpse of you. Overkill, probably, since we’re classmates. But that’s all we have lately. We’re back to square one. Hi’s and hellos. Brief smiles. Serious school stuff. Awkwardness and silence.

I was about to leave when she arrived with her friends. She sat beside me and started talking about their Art project. Or materials for PA. Or both. Something about a movie. And food. I’m not sure. I wasn’t interested in what she was saying. I put on what I hope was a polite expression. I tried hard not to show how distracted I was. Wishing you were the one sitting beside me. Talking to me like this.

You’ve probably heard about something between us. Word gets around here fast. Then again, maybe you haven’t. Maybe you’re too busy to even hear about it. To be honest, I don’t want you to find out. I don’t know why, I just don’t. Even if there really is nothing between us—me and her. Even if you won’t care whether or not there is.

“But Cupid must have shot me twice…”

She leaned closer to me. Bumped my shoulder playfully to get my attention. She pouted and said I wasn’t listening. I chuckled and put my arm around her to appease her. Some of her friends smiled knowingly. They’ve been telling me to give her a chance. It’s logical. And sensible. But I don’t want to. She’s not you.

I know what happened or didn’t happen between you and me is my fault. But I tried. Really. I reached out. I shut out the teasing. I talked to you about anything out of the blue. I loved it when you smiled at the silliest things. When you laughed at even the corniest jokes. I asked for help with schoolwork even if I didn’t really need it. Chatted with you, sent you messages. I want you to realize that I am… was… I could be there for you.

“Thoughts of you invade my head, truths are written never said…”

But no matter how many times I thought about it, I knew you would never like me as more than a friend. Even if everyone was saying otherwise. We were too different. They argued that opposites attract. Maybe. But I know you had a lot more important things to do than wonder why I do those things. You won’t look beyond the teasing. You won’t believe that there was or there could be something between us. I felt it was hopeless. And useless. So I stopped. Before I fell even harder for you.

I tried to move on. Kept myself busy with school and sports. Forced myself to stop liking you. Thought about liking other girls. But I can’t. I always go back to you.

“And if I can’t be yours now, I’ll wait here on this ground…”

I know I screwed up. Big time. I know I don’t deserve another chance. But if you and the gods of fate would be so kind as to give me one, I would grab it in a heartbeat. I’d make it up to you. I’d show you how much I care for you. It has always been you. I was just too afraid to full-on take the risk. Too scared to ask you if I could be the one for you.

“’Til you come, ‘til you take me away…”

As you walked past without even a glance at my direction, I know it’s going to be difficult. I know you’d find it hard to believe me. But even if “you and me” doesn’t make much sense to you, I promise to try and make it the best “us” we could be. I really, truly hope you’re willing to try with me.

“Maybe someday.” / by Bella Swan

*Inspired by Griffin Peterson’s Maybe Someday

Literary: Puppy Love

Alam mo, nakakainis ka. Ang hilig mo mang-asar. Palagi mo na lang akong tinatawag na Duwende, o kaya Chinese, o kaya Sadako, o di kaya naman ay Duwendeng Sadako mula sa China. Nakakainis, akala mo perpekto ka. Ikaw nga itong tumatawa na lang bigla kahit walang nakakatawa. Natatawa rin naman ako kasi bungal ka! Tapos nasa isip mo puro Pokemon, Ninja Saga, Yu-Gi-Oh, Double Cell at iba pang laro na hindi ko maintindihan. Mag-aapir lang tapos sisigaw tapos magtititigan kayo ng kalaro mo. Laro na ba yun? Paano naging laro yun?

At ang pinaka-ayaw kong ginagawa mo, e yung pagkatapos mo akong asarin, manghihiram ka ng lapis sa akin! Kung minsan pa nga hindi mo ibabalik yung hiniram mo o kaya may kagat na yung pambura!

Pero natutuwa ako kasi kaklase kita ngayong Grade 3. Ewan ko ba pero hindi mo naman kasinggwapo si Zac Efron, si Adam Levine, si Andrew Garfield, o kaya si Daniel Padilla.

Ang weirdo mo… at iyon ang nagustuhan ko sa’yo.

-----

Hindi ko talaga mapigil yung pang-aasar ko sa’yo. Ang saya mo kasing asarin eh. Pandak ka, singkit, tapos ang haba pa ng buhok mo, tapos parang mamon ang pisngi mo. Para kang Dwendeng Sadako mula sa China. Minsan nga ‘pag nakikita kita, tumatawa na lang akong bigla.

Pero sa totoo lang ang galing mong maglaro ng Nanay-Tatay, Jackstone, lalo na sa Chinese Garter! Mataas pala tumalon ang mga pandak!

Tapos mahal na mahal mo yung mga lapis #2 mo, minsan nga hinihiram ko pa yung iba doon, at hindi ko na talaga ibabalik.

Tuwang-tuwa ako kasi kaklase kita ngayong Grade 3.

Gustong-gusto kong asarin ka. Doon mo lang kasi ako napapansin eh. Aasarin kita, magagalit ka, sisigaw, tapos hahabulin mo ako.

Kahit madali kang mapikon… ang cute mo pa rin! / ni Squishy

Literary: Isang Dekada

Sa loob ng isang dekada, ika’y aking hinangaan

Kinder. Practice ng recognition. Doon kita unang nakita. Hindi ko alam kung bakit o paano kita hinangaan. Basta alam ko ikaw na yun.

Sa loob ng isang dekada, ako’y iyong napasaya

Kahit hindi mo alam, napasaya mo ako. Sa simpleng pakikipag-usap, sa isang sayaw na ginawa mong katatawanan, pati na rin sa pagsama mo sa akin at paghahatid pauwi. Alam kong lahat ng iyon ay walang halaga para sa’yo. Pero para sa akin, ibang klaseng kasiyahan ang aking naramdaman.

Sa loob ng isang dekada, ika’y aking hinabol

Hindi man halata pero oo, sinubukan kitang habulin, kahit imposibleng maabutan kita. Kahit na alam kong may iba kang hinahangaan. Kahit na halatang wala akong pag-asa. Pero patuloy akong umasa. Nagpaka-baliw ako para mapansin mo ako. Para magkaroon ako ng rason upang magkasama tayo, kahit saglit lang. Maniwala ka kung sasabihin ko sa’yo na ginawa ko ang lahat.

Sa loob ng isang dekada, ako’y iyong pinagtiyagaan

Sa lahat ng pamimilit ko, um-oo ka. Sa mga pakiusap ko, pinagbigyan mo ako kahit minsan alam ko, nararamdaman kong napipilitan ka. Pero kahit ganun, sinusubukan mo pa ring mag-enjoy kasama ako.

Ngunit sa loob rin ng isang dekada, ako’y nabigo

Kung tutuusin, wala rin naman akong napala, dahil sa simula pa lang, wala naman itong patutunguhan. Nagmukha lang akong tanga. Hindi ko rin naman nasabi sa’yo ang nararamdaman ko, nagulat ako nang malaman kong alam mo na. Matagal na pala. Pero nakakainis, ni-reject mo ako nang hindi ka nagsasalita o nagsasabi man lang. Ang masakit, ipinaramdam mo talagang napipilitan ka lang na pakisamahan ako.

Pero kahit na ganun, lagpas pa sa isang dekada ang pagpapasalamat ko sa’yo

Salamat sa lahat. Ang dami kong naging bagong karanasan dahil sa’yo. Salamat sa pagpapasaya sa akin, sa pagpapatawa, sa mga pagkakataong nagkasama tayo. Ngayong wala ka na, sinusubukan kong kalimutan ang lahat. Pero hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan yung mga panahong iyon. Kaya salamat.

Maraming, maraming salamat sa isang dekada.

/ ni Arrozcaldo

Literary: Asymptote

I was having a hard time focusing on my Math teacher as she was discussing how to graph exponential functions. I guess it was because lately, there have been a lot of things that are bothering me. It's the last year, it might also be the last year I get time to spend with you.

Suddenly, the memories we spent together appeared in my mind. I still remember how we met, how we awkwardly introduced ourselves to each other. We didn't know then that a simple conversation would blossom into a long lasting friendship. We've known each other since we were kids, and throughout the years, we've always been together. I remember how we always compete with each other, and how I would always win. A sad smile crept up to my face. How could all those hours we spent with each other seem so short?

I began to think of what those memories mean to you. I can't ask, it is a line that I am too shy, too afraid to cross. Have you realized that I have liked you for some time now? Do you really only see me as a friend? I am wondering about what our relationship is to you.

I hate how the world is composed of laws that I will never be able to break. I simply try to reach out, to be with you, to make our paths intersect with each other. But we won't. We never will. I extend my hand as long as I could. I only need you to hold my hand. You don't. You can't. / by Galaxy

Literary: Choices

25 July 2014

Dear NO NAME,

“I like my choices.”

This is from a famous book written by John Green where the characters choose to love each other despite their conditions, and conquer all the challenges they face together even though they know one of them would eventually leave.

How come other people can say that they actually like their choices? Don’t their other choices involve hurting another person?

Why can’t I like the decisions I make?

Why must I regret every choice I make?

Why can’t I be happy too?

These questions keep on popping up in my head. I feel the curse of my choices in everything that I do. Everyone keeps judging every move I make. The hell with them! Sometimes I just want to vanish like bubbles that float in the air. I haven’t been happy with my choices lately. I mess up, I get hurt, and I usually seem to end up crying. Is there something wrong with my mind? It used to be there to guide me every time I needed to make a decision.

Oh yeah, I forgot. The problem with me nowadays is that I always, always let my heart win.
The heart just ruins everything. Once your brain has generated a good solution to a problem, it is always there to contradict whatever was generated.

I think I should correct what I said earlier. I do like my choices. Or at least I did, before I let my heart have the final say on every choice I make.

Never let your heart have the final say, your brain was placed above your heart for a reason. “Mind over matter.” You have to learn how to let your brain work in times of decision making, or else you’ll end up like me. Bitter, lifeless, insecure and bothered by everything that happens around me.

The choices you make are like connect the dots. They make up the very person you are now… and will be for the rest of your life.

Now, after all I’ve said, I’ve come to realize how vital it is to learn to embrace the choices I make no matter how hard it is to accept, and no matter how much I get hurt in the process.

What’s not to like? I’ll have to go through my whole life making them right?

I should like my choices, you should too.

From:
Starkist
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