literary,
But if I were to choose, I wouldn’t change anything ever. The
universe does what it wants and I’m just a small part of it. I will never want
to regret anything because bad choices provide you lessons that you won’t learn
elsewhere. Besides, I’m living my life the way I want it right now and I hope,
whether or not she’s there, that that will never change.
Literary (Submission): Watch. Regret. Repeat.
Regret has
turned into a friend of mine overtime. It has been there, along with doubt, for
every decision I have made. What I regret most of the time is not taking
chances. A chance to tell a person you’re sorry, you love them, or how much
they matter to you as a friend. A chance to do better than what you did. A
chance to review before the test. Regretting has been and will always be a part
of decision making because I am an indecisive person and I don’t think that
that will ever change.
Probably my biggest regret, for now,
is about love. I know I’m still young and “there are many fish in the sea” and
I need to finish school first before I think of these kinds of things. But
people are forced to love, in my opinion. With all the wonderful kinds of
people around you, how are you not to fall in love, even though it’s just
infatuation. People always have that missing in their hearts that could only be
filled with the love of a significant someone who loves you as much as they
love themselves. You don’t need a degree to love, you just need to know, you
know.
It was this time in Grade 6, the first
time I ever met and even became classmates with this wonderful girl with hair
never going past the boundaries that her shoulder blades made; eyes deep brown,
shimmering when it catches the sunlight; very comedic with a hysterical laugh;
always kind and down to earth, caring and loving to her friends and the people
around her. I didn’t know how much of an impact she’ll have on me when we first
met. I never knew how important she’ll be to me. We talked and became friends.
When I confessed my love to her, she told me she had feelings for
me, too, which was awesome more than anything else. We became closer and we
developed something nice. Well, that’s what I thought. Suddenly, out of
nowhere, she tells me that she and this guy—a batchmate, a “friend”, a traitor—were
together. I became, simply put, sad. Just when I thought there was something
between us, something precious, something to cherish… there wasn’t.
After that, you might think that I would’ve let her go, that I
would’ve been hurt enough to just leave it and move on. But, no. I let myself
soak in the pain and I continued to hope that one day she would come back
because that’s all that I could’ve done and wanted to do. I was in love, I
think.
They broke up a while after because he wanted someone else with the
same name but more beautiful in his eyes. This is what I was waiting for—for
her to come back, to want me back. But I realized my selfish intentions and I
saw what was really happening. She was hurt and sad, like I was. We continued
to be friends but I, unfortunately, still love her. I’m struggling to move on,
still hoping, still trying. I encountered several chances where I could’ve
confessed my still unchanging love for her but I was too scared to get turned
down or for what happened before to happen again.
I am a very careless person and this experience has made me cautious
with what I say, what I do, and when I do it. This has forced me to think
whenever I make a decision. I think this has only affected me, it’s not much of
a stone-in-the-water problem. Maybe it’s just not the time and maybe I should
really focus on my studies first. I’m just going to let the pieces fall where
they may.
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